We were exactly in the middle of our month long missions trip to South Africa. I, along with a few others, were randomly selected to go and speak at a women's prison just outside of Cape Town. We drove through the imposing gates of the prison and as we walked inside, steel door after steel door closed loudly behind us, locking us into the dreary building.
We started our time with worship. None of us had a guitar or piano, but we had a kickin' boombox and a cd. We got through the first song, no problem. We may have gotten through the second song as well, I cannot remember; the details have gotten a little foggy in the last ten years. Another song started playing; it was "You Raise Me Up", which was at it's peak of popularity.
I will never forget the way that these ladies joined in. Their faces shone with encouragement as they sang the words of this song.
And then, the cd started skipping. Our kickin' boombox was kicking it towards a slow death. I started praying that the song would start working. It was easy to see this song was ministering to these women and I was totally overwhelmed and intimidated at the thoughts of what could happen if we upset them or let them down. I was naive.
The song stopped playing entirely. I looked around the room with frightened eyes for one brief moment until...
the women kept right on singing. They were not going to let a boombox dinosaur ruin the moment that they were having with the song.
The singing filled the room and each face only became more beautiful.
It was a holy moment.
The ladies were in unfortunate circumstances in their lives. Truly, none of them were exactly where they desired to be. They had been met with hardship and mistakes and loneliness. Yet, they kept singing.
It reminds me of King David and his precious Psalms. There are plenty of psalms that were written in the midst of his life's pain. In the persecution, David wrote and sang. In the rejection, David wrote and sang. In his sin and shame, David wrote and sang.
His psalms speak still today that God can be found at the rock bottom of our circumstances. Each melancholy psalm pours forth its pain and then directs its gaze instead on the beauty and sovereignty of the Lord.
David too, kept singing. He let the song in his heart carry him through the storm directly into the presence of God.
Psalm 4: David begins with, "How long, exalted men, will my honor be insulted? How long will you love what is worthless and pursue a lie?" (v 2) and he ends with "You have put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and new wine abound. I will both lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, Lord, make me live in safety." (vv 7-8)
Psalm 5: David begins, "Listen to my words, Lord; consider my sighing. Pay attention to my cry, my King and my God, for I pray to you." (v 1) and ends, "But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them shout for joy forever. May You shelter them, and may those who love Your name boast about You. For You, Lord, bless the righteous one; You surround him with favor like a shield." ( vv 11-12)
Psalm 6: David begins, "Lord, do not rebuke me in Your anger; do not disciplines me in Your wrath. Be gracious to me, Lord, for I am weak; heal me, Lord, for my bones are shaking; my whole being is shaken with terror. And You, Lord - how long?" (vv 1-3) and he ends with, "The Lord has heard my plea for help; the Lord accepts my prayer." (v 9).
These are just three examples from a single page of Scripture. Each psalm ends in hope. David and the other psalmists poured out their prayers, focused on God's goodness, and found their burdens lifted (except psalm 88, which ends on a painful note. But that's another blog...)
Sometimes the song can speak the words that we cannot.
When we were pregnant with Ezra and had received the report that he may have chromosomal abnormalities, we had to wait until we could follow up on that report. It was a vicious five days of waiting and wondering.
During those moments when the fear tried to choke me, I would sit at our piano and play the only song that would bring me comfort: "Good, Good Father". I would sing through tears streaming down my face and dwell on His goodness. There, sitting at the piano and focused on Him, I could truly accept whatever fate awaited my precious baby.
I kept singing. It was all that I could do.
When your circumstances are not all that you wish they were, keep singing.
When pressures are pushing in at you from every side, keep singing.
When your heart is broken and battered, keep singing.
When anxieties threaten to tear you apart on the inside, keep singing.
When the loneliness is stifling, keep singing.
When you cannot do anything else, keep singing.
In the singing, you will find Him.
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Monday, December 5, 2016
Monday, August 15, 2016
Big Old, Bright Red Target - Armor of God Intro
I knew I was asking for it.
I knew that if I took the necessary steps to teach this Bible study, it would be drawing a target on my back. I knew that God would want to walk me through what I was teaching before I got up in front of His precious women and acted like I knew what I was talking about. I knew that the information from the Bible study could change lives.
So I fought it for a few weeks. I bided my time. And then, finally, I allowed the big old, bright red target to be drawn on my back. I asked for it.
I signed on to teach the Armor of God study by Priscilla Shirer at my church. It has been a fabulous, difficult summer of learning and teaching! But I am not stopping there, no. I feel as though I am also supposed to write about the things that I learned and taught throughout this summer. God has seen me through so much. He's incredibly faithful. Maybe there is someone who could not attend the class but will read these words so that the powerful truth from this study can continue impacting and changing lives.
That's my hope, anyway.
Being more timid by nature, I tend to like to fly under the radar. But I have learned over time that that tactic absolutely does not work. Somehow, some way, I still get targeted; perhaps you feel the same? We may as well embrace it and wield the tools that can help us to battle.
My pastor gave a sermon a few weeks ago on the things that get under our skin and fire us up with a holy passion. That resonated with me because something immediately jumped to my mind that made it personal: I get passionately worked up when I hear of women who struggle with anxiety and depression.
The numbers are staggering, and they make me angry. And that, essentially, is why I chose to teach about the armor of God. Because there is a specific plan for battle, and victory is ours. We just need to live it.
Since Eve, the enemy has relished targeting women. I believe that the enemy loves to target women through our tender spots: our emotions and relationships.
Maybe you struggle with fearful thoughts and imagining worst case scenarios.
Maybe you are tired from fighting off thoughts of sadness and hopelessness.
Maybe you feel sick about how you cannot keep your temper and emotions under control.
Maybe you feel like a relational leper because you cannot seem to love others in healthy ways.
Maybe you let people walk all over you and have never felt loved in a way that feeds your soul.
Maybe you feel tied up in knots because of a fight that never seems to resolve.
Many days we feel like we're losing the battle. But it doesn't have to be that way.
In God's hands, our emotions and gift for relationship, the things that Satan wants to use to bring us down, can become strengths.
Yet, in order to win the battle, we must first suit up.
Ephesians 6:10-18:
"Finally, receive your power from the Lord and from his mighty strength. Put on all the armor that God supplies. In this way you can take a stand against the devil's strategies. This is not a wrestling match against a human opponent. We are wrestling with rulers, authorities, the powers who govern this world of darkness, and spiritual forces that control evil in the heavenly world. For this reason, take up all the armor that God supplies. Then you will be able to take a stand during these evil days. Once you have overcome all obstacles, you will be able to stand your ground. So then, take your stand! Fasten truth around your waist like a belt. Put on God's approval as your breastplate. Put on your shoes so that you are ready to spread the Good News that gives peace. In addition to all these, take the Christian faith as your shield. With it you can put out all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Also take salvation as your helmet and the word of God as the sword that the Spirit supplies. Pray in the Spirit in every situation. Use every kind of prayer and request there is. For the same reason be alert. Use every kind of effort and make every kind of request for all of God's people".
I knew that if I took the necessary steps to teach this Bible study, it would be drawing a target on my back. I knew that God would want to walk me through what I was teaching before I got up in front of His precious women and acted like I knew what I was talking about. I knew that the information from the Bible study could change lives.
So I fought it for a few weeks. I bided my time. And then, finally, I allowed the big old, bright red target to be drawn on my back. I asked for it.
I signed on to teach the Armor of God study by Priscilla Shirer at my church. It has been a fabulous, difficult summer of learning and teaching! But I am not stopping there, no. I feel as though I am also supposed to write about the things that I learned and taught throughout this summer. God has seen me through so much. He's incredibly faithful. Maybe there is someone who could not attend the class but will read these words so that the powerful truth from this study can continue impacting and changing lives.
That's my hope, anyway.
Being more timid by nature, I tend to like to fly under the radar. But I have learned over time that that tactic absolutely does not work. Somehow, some way, I still get targeted; perhaps you feel the same? We may as well embrace it and wield the tools that can help us to battle.
My pastor gave a sermon a few weeks ago on the things that get under our skin and fire us up with a holy passion. That resonated with me because something immediately jumped to my mind that made it personal: I get passionately worked up when I hear of women who struggle with anxiety and depression.
The numbers are staggering, and they make me angry. And that, essentially, is why I chose to teach about the armor of God. Because there is a specific plan for battle, and victory is ours. We just need to live it.
Since Eve, the enemy has relished targeting women. I believe that the enemy loves to target women through our tender spots: our emotions and relationships.
Maybe you struggle with fearful thoughts and imagining worst case scenarios.
Maybe you are tired from fighting off thoughts of sadness and hopelessness.
Maybe you feel sick about how you cannot keep your temper and emotions under control.
Maybe you feel like a relational leper because you cannot seem to love others in healthy ways.
Maybe you let people walk all over you and have never felt loved in a way that feeds your soul.
Maybe you feel tied up in knots because of a fight that never seems to resolve.
Many days we feel like we're losing the battle. But it doesn't have to be that way.
In God's hands, our emotions and gift for relationship, the things that Satan wants to use to bring us down, can become strengths.
Yet, in order to win the battle, we must first suit up.
Ephesians 6:10-18:
"Finally, receive your power from the Lord and from his mighty strength. Put on all the armor that God supplies. In this way you can take a stand against the devil's strategies. This is not a wrestling match against a human opponent. We are wrestling with rulers, authorities, the powers who govern this world of darkness, and spiritual forces that control evil in the heavenly world. For this reason, take up all the armor that God supplies. Then you will be able to take a stand during these evil days. Once you have overcome all obstacles, you will be able to stand your ground. So then, take your stand! Fasten truth around your waist like a belt. Put on God's approval as your breastplate. Put on your shoes so that you are ready to spread the Good News that gives peace. In addition to all these, take the Christian faith as your shield. With it you can put out all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Also take salvation as your helmet and the word of God as the sword that the Spirit supplies. Pray in the Spirit in every situation. Use every kind of prayer and request there is. For the same reason be alert. Use every kind of effort and make every kind of request for all of God's people".
Monday, March 21, 2016
To the Woman Who is Afraid to Ask for Big Things
To the Woman Who is Afraid to Ask for Big Things,
Maybe it's healing. Maybe it's a relational issue. Maybe it's a financial miracle.
I understand. I've been there too, hesitant and timid. I know what it is like to wait and wait and wait some more, refusing to ask because I was not sure that what I wanted would ever happen for me.
I also know what is it is like to be so incredibly sick of waiting that I would try to seize control for myself, most often with disastrous results.
All the while, I was refusing to ask for what I really wanted.
So I would endlessly wait. And I would needlessly control.
It felt safer than asking. It felt easier. I could handle waiting and I could handle pseudo-control, but there were many reasons that I felt I could not ask God for a miraculous movement.
At various times:
I have felt invisible and unseen by God and man.
I have felt like I don't have anything to offer in return.
I have felt like my request would probably just get rejected anyway, because rejection was the norm.
I have felt let down and disappointed by God.
I have felt like too much and yet not enough at the same time.
I have felt afraid to draw attention to myself.
I have felt bound.
If you're afraid to ask for big things from God, perhaps you identify with one or more of those reasons? I wonder if you were reading those through and one of them shot through your heart like an arrow?
Ugh, my friend, I understand. The frustration and the anxiety and the tension, I get it. I wish I could see you face to face and laser shoot hope from my eyes to yours. I'm not very touchy feely, but I wish I could give you a hug and before I let you go I would shake you a little in order to snap you out of it.
I wish I could tell you to your face that even when it feels impossible or improbable or a total waste of time, I greatly encourage you to ask.
Can I tell you why?
The Bible is full of women who were afraid to ask much of Jesus. And yet they received what they really needed.
* If you feel invisible and unseen, I would point out the Canaanite woman in Matthew 15:21-28.
She was pointedly ignored by Jesus, but a fighter spirit arose within her and she debated with the Son of God. This did not annoy Jesus but impressed him: "Woman, your faith is great. Let it be done for you as you want." (v28). Please know that God is the The God Who Sees (Genesis 16:11-15). When you feel pushed aside and unimportant, He sees you and He knows you. He loves you.
*If you feel like you have nothing to offer, I would direct you to the poor widow in Luke 21:1-4.
She did not have much, but what she did have was highly honored. What you have may not have high esteem with man, but when it is surrendered to Jesus, it can be multiplied and empowered beyond anything you could dream. You just have to bring what's in your hand.
*If you expect rejection, I would show you the woman at the well in John 4:4-26.
In cultural terms, Jesus surely shouldn't have bothered with her, as they had opposing religious backgrounds. In social terms, a great rabbi should not concern himself with a woman with questionable morals. Even Christ's disciples wondered why he was speaking with her. But he engaged her and pursued conversation and invited her despite every reason not to. God doesn't see all the reasons not to bother with you. He looks at you and sees possibility.
*If you've felt let down by Jesus before, I would ask you to read about Mary and Martha in John 11:17-43.
These women were close friends with Jesus. They trusted him and expected great things from him. But he didn't move the way they expected. He moved in a way that caused them great grief and pain. They had no way to know how miraculously God was about to move, but in order to do so, he needed to allow the wounding first. He still heard their cry and he still moved in their pain, but it had to be in a way that would more greatly display his power.
*If you are afraid to draw attention to yourself, I would direct you to the sick woman in Luke 8:42-49.
She desperately needed a divine touch, but was lost in crowd. She knew if she could just get close enough to him, that healing was available. She had great expectation for what he could do, but had little opportunity to ask for it. This woman had struggled for years with an ailment that isolated her. She was used to managing on her own, and when she had put her faith in others they had fallen woefully short of the help they promised. Yet when she reached out to Jesus, she was healed. Not only was she healed, she also found belonging, as the Son of God called her "Daughter."
*If you feel bound, I would want you to read about the crippled woman in Luke 13:10-17.
She was bound so severely that she stood out in the crowd. She was different, her daily life drastically affected and setting her apart. Jesus recognized what was keeping her crippled. He called it out and untied her from her bondage in a moment. The text doesn't even say that this woman showed up to hear Jesus teach that day. We don't know if she even knew who he was. He healed her because he desired freedom for her. He used a woman cast aside and discarded to display his glory.
*Lastly, if you feel like too much yet not enough, you are my soul sister. I have felt that way for so much of my life. I would beg you to read about the sinful woman who anoints Jesus in Luke 7:36-46.
This woman comes to Jesus broken and ashamed. She knows the gravity of her sins and how they have weighed her down. She knows how short she has fallen. But she trusts that Jesus does what he said he could do. Forgive. As she weeps at his feet, the exhibition of her adoration baffles the others in the room. She's too much for them, and they don't understand why Jesus is even letting her touch him. In his marvelous mercy, he defends and protects this woman. In the presence of many, he forgives her and sends her in peace, honoring how much she loved him. The woman who was not enough yet too much had just ministered to the Son of God. What she could not do for herself, she allowed God to do for her when she had a revelation of His goodness and mercy.
Each of these women, ignored, poor, rejected, let down, broken, crippled, sinners.
The one thing they all have in common is that they needed something from Jesus. They asked in a variety of ways, and they received in a variety of ways.
But indeed they received exactly what they needed, because they came to the One "who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us" (Ephesians 3:20).
I am slowly learning that when I neglect to ask God for big things, I rob Him of the opportunity to be glorified. The only reason any of us are even here on earth is to give Him glory.
So to the woman who hesitates to ask of God, please learn from my mistakes. I encourage you: don't let prayer be your last resort. Allow prayer to be the very first step you take in your time of need.
Speak. Ask. Expect.
Give God the invitation into your situation and watch Him change the unchangeable in your life.
You can't be so invisible, that He doesn't see you.
You can't be so poor, that He can't use you.
You can't feel so rejected, that He doesn't love you enough for 1,000 who didn't.
You can't be so disappointed, that he won't redeem the situation.
You can't be so timid, that He doesn't know exactly what you need.
You can't be so bound, that He cannot absolutely free you.
You can't be too much for Him, that He doesn't delight in your love.
Maybe it's healing. Maybe it's a relational issue. Maybe it's a financial miracle.
I understand. I've been there too, hesitant and timid. I know what it is like to wait and wait and wait some more, refusing to ask because I was not sure that what I wanted would ever happen for me.
I also know what is it is like to be so incredibly sick of waiting that I would try to seize control for myself, most often with disastrous results.
All the while, I was refusing to ask for what I really wanted.
So I would endlessly wait. And I would needlessly control.
It felt safer than asking. It felt easier. I could handle waiting and I could handle pseudo-control, but there were many reasons that I felt I could not ask God for a miraculous movement.
At various times:
I have felt invisible and unseen by God and man.
I have felt like I don't have anything to offer in return.
I have felt like my request would probably just get rejected anyway, because rejection was the norm.
I have felt let down and disappointed by God.
I have felt like too much and yet not enough at the same time.
I have felt afraid to draw attention to myself.
I have felt bound.
If you're afraid to ask for big things from God, perhaps you identify with one or more of those reasons? I wonder if you were reading those through and one of them shot through your heart like an arrow?
Ugh, my friend, I understand. The frustration and the anxiety and the tension, I get it. I wish I could see you face to face and laser shoot hope from my eyes to yours. I'm not very touchy feely, but I wish I could give you a hug and before I let you go I would shake you a little in order to snap you out of it.
I wish I could tell you to your face that even when it feels impossible or improbable or a total waste of time, I greatly encourage you to ask.
Can I tell you why?
The Bible is full of women who were afraid to ask much of Jesus. And yet they received what they really needed.
* If you feel invisible and unseen, I would point out the Canaanite woman in Matthew 15:21-28.
She was pointedly ignored by Jesus, but a fighter spirit arose within her and she debated with the Son of God. This did not annoy Jesus but impressed him: "Woman, your faith is great. Let it be done for you as you want." (v28). Please know that God is the The God Who Sees (Genesis 16:11-15). When you feel pushed aside and unimportant, He sees you and He knows you. He loves you.
*If you feel like you have nothing to offer, I would direct you to the poor widow in Luke 21:1-4.
She did not have much, but what she did have was highly honored. What you have may not have high esteem with man, but when it is surrendered to Jesus, it can be multiplied and empowered beyond anything you could dream. You just have to bring what's in your hand.
*If you expect rejection, I would show you the woman at the well in John 4:4-26.
In cultural terms, Jesus surely shouldn't have bothered with her, as they had opposing religious backgrounds. In social terms, a great rabbi should not concern himself with a woman with questionable morals. Even Christ's disciples wondered why he was speaking with her. But he engaged her and pursued conversation and invited her despite every reason not to. God doesn't see all the reasons not to bother with you. He looks at you and sees possibility.
*If you've felt let down by Jesus before, I would ask you to read about Mary and Martha in John 11:17-43.
These women were close friends with Jesus. They trusted him and expected great things from him. But he didn't move the way they expected. He moved in a way that caused them great grief and pain. They had no way to know how miraculously God was about to move, but in order to do so, he needed to allow the wounding first. He still heard their cry and he still moved in their pain, but it had to be in a way that would more greatly display his power.
*If you are afraid to draw attention to yourself, I would direct you to the sick woman in Luke 8:42-49.
She desperately needed a divine touch, but was lost in crowd. She knew if she could just get close enough to him, that healing was available. She had great expectation for what he could do, but had little opportunity to ask for it. This woman had struggled for years with an ailment that isolated her. She was used to managing on her own, and when she had put her faith in others they had fallen woefully short of the help they promised. Yet when she reached out to Jesus, she was healed. Not only was she healed, she also found belonging, as the Son of God called her "Daughter."
*If you feel bound, I would want you to read about the crippled woman in Luke 13:10-17.
She was bound so severely that she stood out in the crowd. She was different, her daily life drastically affected and setting her apart. Jesus recognized what was keeping her crippled. He called it out and untied her from her bondage in a moment. The text doesn't even say that this woman showed up to hear Jesus teach that day. We don't know if she even knew who he was. He healed her because he desired freedom for her. He used a woman cast aside and discarded to display his glory.
*Lastly, if you feel like too much yet not enough, you are my soul sister. I have felt that way for so much of my life. I would beg you to read about the sinful woman who anoints Jesus in Luke 7:36-46.
This woman comes to Jesus broken and ashamed. She knows the gravity of her sins and how they have weighed her down. She knows how short she has fallen. But she trusts that Jesus does what he said he could do. Forgive. As she weeps at his feet, the exhibition of her adoration baffles the others in the room. She's too much for them, and they don't understand why Jesus is even letting her touch him. In his marvelous mercy, he defends and protects this woman. In the presence of many, he forgives her and sends her in peace, honoring how much she loved him. The woman who was not enough yet too much had just ministered to the Son of God. What she could not do for herself, she allowed God to do for her when she had a revelation of His goodness and mercy.
The one thing they all have in common is that they needed something from Jesus. They asked in a variety of ways, and they received in a variety of ways.
But indeed they received exactly what they needed, because they came to the One "who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us" (Ephesians 3:20).
I am slowly learning that when I neglect to ask God for big things, I rob Him of the opportunity to be glorified. The only reason any of us are even here on earth is to give Him glory.
So to the woman who hesitates to ask of God, please learn from my mistakes. I encourage you: don't let prayer be your last resort. Allow prayer to be the very first step you take in your time of need.
Speak. Ask. Expect.
Give God the invitation into your situation and watch Him change the unchangeable in your life.
You can't be so invisible, that He doesn't see you.
You can't be so poor, that He can't use you.
You can't feel so rejected, that He doesn't love you enough for 1,000 who didn't.
You can't be so disappointed, that he won't redeem the situation.
You can't be so timid, that He doesn't know exactly what you need.
You can't be so bound, that He cannot absolutely free you.
You can't be too much for Him, that He doesn't delight in your love.
Saturday, January 30, 2016
Coconut or Baby Wipes?
"Gilbert, darling, don't let's ever be afraid of things. It's such dreadful slavery. Let's be daring and adventurous and expectant. Let's dance to meet life and all it can bring us, even if it brings scads of trouble and typhoid and twins!" - Anne Shirley
I've always loved that my birthday is in January.
I'm a big Christmas girl, and having a birthday in January has always given me something to look forward to when the after-Christmas lull hits.
I know that when the weather is at it's coldest and there aren't any fun holidays or breaks or vacations to look forward to, I can still anticipate a day for myself. Whatever my birthday brings, even if it's a bit of a let-down, I always approach it with a feeling of excited expectation.
This year was no different. The thermometer fell to stifling lows in the middle of the month, but I brushed it off because my birthday was coming!
My boys and I all struggled through colds and sicknesses of varying degrees, but I didn't let it get me down because my birthday was coming!
I went back to work after a brief maternity leave, but I took it in stride because my birthday was coming!
I love birfdays.
Anticipation. Excitement. Expectation.
I played the game Bean-boozled in my counseling groups this week, and the looks on the kids' faces before they ate the jellybeans were priceless. They didn't know whether they would be getting a good flavor or a nasty flavor, but they were excited nonetheless.
There is a flurry of anticipation that arises in us when we know something is coming, even if we don't know exactly what it is.
Coconut or baby wipes? It doesn't matter in that moment before you pop it in your mouth; the excitement is the same.
In each day, we don't know whether what we encounter will be wonderful or awful. But we can still approach it with excitement, expecting God to be at work. Jeremiah 29:13 promises that we will find God when we're looking for Him.
This year I felt a little convicted about my excitement regarding my birthday. I live in such a state of expectation during the month of January or when there is something fun on the calendar. But in my daily life, I trudge and muddle through. I go through the motions just trying to make it to nap time or bed time or mommy time.
I exist, but I don't expect.
How much do I miss by living this way?
There are moments and opportunities in each day that I know I miss by keeping on the blinders of boredom.
I want to expect God to move. I want to anticipate that when the sun rises, He is going to do good things. He's going to show His love for me, He's going to give me opportunities to love others, He's going to remind me of His faithfulness.
I don't want to live bored or deprived because I missed a chance to see God's goodness in any situation.
I love how The Message version interprets Romans 8:15: "This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike 'What's next, Papa?'" (MSG)
I read that this morning and was reminded again of the kind of life that God calls us to as His people. There is no monotony when it comes to God's power and grace.
I long to live intentional. I want to live with my eyes open. I don't want to miss a moment of God.
I want to expect Him.
"Isn't it splendid to think of all the things there are to find out about? It just makes me feel glad to be alive--it's such an interesting world. It wouldn't be half so interesting if we knew all about everything, would it?" - Anne Shirley
I've always loved that my birthday is in January.
I'm a big Christmas girl, and having a birthday in January has always given me something to look forward to when the after-Christmas lull hits.
I know that when the weather is at it's coldest and there aren't any fun holidays or breaks or vacations to look forward to, I can still anticipate a day for myself. Whatever my birthday brings, even if it's a bit of a let-down, I always approach it with a feeling of excited expectation.
This year was no different. The thermometer fell to stifling lows in the middle of the month, but I brushed it off because my birthday was coming!
My boys and I all struggled through colds and sicknesses of varying degrees, but I didn't let it get me down because my birthday was coming!
I went back to work after a brief maternity leave, but I took it in stride because my birthday was coming!
I love birfdays.
Anticipation. Excitement. Expectation.
I played the game Bean-boozled in my counseling groups this week, and the looks on the kids' faces before they ate the jellybeans were priceless. They didn't know whether they would be getting a good flavor or a nasty flavor, but they were excited nonetheless.
There is a flurry of anticipation that arises in us when we know something is coming, even if we don't know exactly what it is.
Coconut or baby wipes? It doesn't matter in that moment before you pop it in your mouth; the excitement is the same.
In each day, we don't know whether what we encounter will be wonderful or awful. But we can still approach it with excitement, expecting God to be at work. Jeremiah 29:13 promises that we will find God when we're looking for Him.
This year I felt a little convicted about my excitement regarding my birthday. I live in such a state of expectation during the month of January or when there is something fun on the calendar. But in my daily life, I trudge and muddle through. I go through the motions just trying to make it to nap time or bed time or mommy time.
I exist, but I don't expect.
How much do I miss by living this way?
There are moments and opportunities in each day that I know I miss by keeping on the blinders of boredom.
I want to expect God to move. I want to anticipate that when the sun rises, He is going to do good things. He's going to show His love for me, He's going to give me opportunities to love others, He's going to remind me of His faithfulness.
I don't want to live bored or deprived because I missed a chance to see God's goodness in any situation.
I read that this morning and was reminded again of the kind of life that God calls us to as His people. There is no monotony when it comes to God's power and grace.
I long to live intentional. I want to live with my eyes open. I don't want to miss a moment of God.
I want to expect Him.
"Isn't it splendid to think of all the things there are to find out about? It just makes me feel glad to be alive--it's such an interesting world. It wouldn't be half so interesting if we knew all about everything, would it?" - Anne Shirley
Monday, January 11, 2016
So, I Hate to Vacuum...
My least favorite chore is vacuuming.
I actually kind of love cleaning my kitchen and wiping down surfaces and sweeping up crumbs. I like cleaning my bathroom, wiping spots off of the mirror and toothpaste out of the sink. I even kind of like doing laundry, the redundancy of wash, dry, put away, repeat.
I love seeing progress: the dirt wiped away, the counter clean and bright for one, brief moment.
But I hate vacuuming. It takes a whopping amount of energy or motivation for me to lug out our circa 1985 vacuum cleaner, pick up everything off the floor, plug and unplug the vacuum from room to room.
Ugh. It's the worst.
I think that the main reason that I loathe vacuuming so much is because our carpet is awful. It is wrinkly, it is stained, it is ugly. Until we can afford to remove or replace it, we are stuck with it.
Our carpet is so far gone that it is tough to even tell when it has been vacuumed. In essence, it looks dirty no matter how recently it's been cleaned.
Therefore, I don't see any progress or betterment, so it is difficult to enjoy my hard work. Shoot, forget enjoy, it's hard to even justify lugging our vacuum cleaner out of hiding and picking up every toy off of the floor.
Matt doesn't have to help with a single other household chore; if he will just vacuum for me, my heart explodes in star showers of love for him.
At least when I do other household chores, there's an automatic payoff of momentary cleanliness. When I vacuum, I am still looking at ugly. The carpet may BE clean, but if it doesn't LOOK clean, what's the point?
When it comes to growing deeper in my walk with God, I think it can be similar to my vacuuming conundrum.
Whatever progress is made can be indiscernible at times, which makes it tempting to give up or slack off. I often cannot tell that there is a difference in my growth, especially when it feels like I am fighting the same battles daily, weekly, annually. Whats the point? Why lug out the giant vacuum cleaner or the giant study Bible if it makes no difference? If I feel no different? If my struggle feels the same?
For starters, just because something doesn't look clean doesn't mean it isn't. Just because someone doesn't seem clean, doesn't mean she isn't. Psalm 139 makes it beautifully clear that God knows me more than I even know myself. It's a reminder to me that He sees the progress. I was saved and cleaned and made righteous through Jesus' death on the cross. So even when I don't feel it, I can know it is true. 2 Corinthians 5:21 helps me remember, "God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God"
Secondly, retrospect is a great revealer. I may not feel different day-to-day in my walk with God, but when I look back at where I was 2 years, or 5 years, or 10 years ago, I can see how the incremental shifts have added up to abundant change.
Lastly, I need to remember that I don't read my Bible and pray and seek Him because it helps me to feel a certain way. I do those things because I love Him immensely and I want to know Him more.
If the start of this new year is weighing you down more than anything else, and it feels like some struggles will never fall away and your mess remains, I want to encourage you.
Keep pressing in. Keep seeking Him. Keep your desire for Him alive. Stay faithful and you will become fruitful, as He turns those incremental shifts into abundant change. Do the hard work of lugging that metaphorical vacuum cleaner out of the closet and clean away the mess, even if it feels the same when you're done.
He is working. He sees the change. In Him, you are clean.
"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up" - Galatians 6:9
I actually kind of love cleaning my kitchen and wiping down surfaces and sweeping up crumbs. I like cleaning my bathroom, wiping spots off of the mirror and toothpaste out of the sink. I even kind of like doing laundry, the redundancy of wash, dry, put away, repeat.
I love seeing progress: the dirt wiped away, the counter clean and bright for one, brief moment.
But I hate vacuuming. It takes a whopping amount of energy or motivation for me to lug out our circa 1985 vacuum cleaner, pick up everything off the floor, plug and unplug the vacuum from room to room.
Ugh. It's the worst.
I think that the main reason that I loathe vacuuming so much is because our carpet is awful. It is wrinkly, it is stained, it is ugly. Until we can afford to remove or replace it, we are stuck with it.
Our carpet is so far gone that it is tough to even tell when it has been vacuumed. In essence, it looks dirty no matter how recently it's been cleaned.
Therefore, I don't see any progress or betterment, so it is difficult to enjoy my hard work. Shoot, forget enjoy, it's hard to even justify lugging our vacuum cleaner out of hiding and picking up every toy off of the floor.
Matt doesn't have to help with a single other household chore; if he will just vacuum for me, my heart explodes in star showers of love for him.
At least when I do other household chores, there's an automatic payoff of momentary cleanliness. When I vacuum, I am still looking at ugly. The carpet may BE clean, but if it doesn't LOOK clean, what's the point?
When it comes to growing deeper in my walk with God, I think it can be similar to my vacuuming conundrum.
Whatever progress is made can be indiscernible at times, which makes it tempting to give up or slack off. I often cannot tell that there is a difference in my growth, especially when it feels like I am fighting the same battles daily, weekly, annually. Whats the point? Why lug out the giant vacuum cleaner or the giant study Bible if it makes no difference? If I feel no different? If my struggle feels the same?
For starters, just because something doesn't look clean doesn't mean it isn't. Just because someone doesn't seem clean, doesn't mean she isn't. Psalm 139 makes it beautifully clear that God knows me more than I even know myself. It's a reminder to me that He sees the progress. I was saved and cleaned and made righteous through Jesus' death on the cross. So even when I don't feel it, I can know it is true. 2 Corinthians 5:21 helps me remember, "God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God"
Secondly, retrospect is a great revealer. I may not feel different day-to-day in my walk with God, but when I look back at where I was 2 years, or 5 years, or 10 years ago, I can see how the incremental shifts have added up to abundant change.
Lastly, I need to remember that I don't read my Bible and pray and seek Him because it helps me to feel a certain way. I do those things because I love Him immensely and I want to know Him more.
If the start of this new year is weighing you down more than anything else, and it feels like some struggles will never fall away and your mess remains, I want to encourage you.
Keep pressing in. Keep seeking Him. Keep your desire for Him alive. Stay faithful and you will become fruitful, as He turns those incremental shifts into abundant change. Do the hard work of lugging that metaphorical vacuum cleaner out of the closet and clean away the mess, even if it feels the same when you're done.
He is working. He sees the change. In Him, you are clean.
"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up" - Galatians 6:9
Saturday, April 12, 2014
Dog Toys
A few days ago, I was cleaning, Jonas was sleeping, and Finn was playing. It was exciting times at the Fjerkenstad household!
Like many people, we keep our cleaning supplies underneath our kitchen sink. When I moved to clean the bathroom, I left the door to said cabinet open. Normally it is child lock protected and dutifully shut every time. I guess I got a little lazy.
Finn's curiosity got the better of him and he started digging through a treasure trove of cleaning bottles and Target bags.
Suddenly, I heard him proclaim, "Mommy! There's toys in here!"
I peeked my head around from the bathroom and said, "There aren't any toys in there, Finn."
"Yes there are!!!" he urged me.
Then it dawned on me: we used to keep chew toys for our dog underneath the sink…Eureka!
I said to my funny boy, "Finn, if there are toys down there, believe me - you don't want them."
"I do…" he insisted.
As this conversation continued, I thought of the oodles of toys that Finn already had in his possession. Already, our living room was overflowing with superheroes, Little People, and Legos.
Yet Finn was searching for more. Even worse, there was inflection in his words that suggested that we were holding out on him.
"Sweet boy," I said again, "Trust me you don't want anything under there." With that, I closed the cabinet and somewhere in the back of my mind, I made a mental note to clean and purge under our sink.
However, as I continued my cleaning spree, it dawned on me that sometimes we treat God our Father that same way.
We ignore the bounty before us and are in a continuous search for more…..More…..MORE!!!!!
There is a continuous aching in us that is forever longing for something more.
C.S. Lewis once said, "If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world."
Until we are in our forever home of heaven, we will always be aching for something.
And because of that aching, we often point the finger at God and question His authority and His goodness to us.
We believe that He is holding out on us. If He were truly our provider and our sustainer, then surely we wouldn't feel this constant longing.
All the while, He is showing us all of the amazing gifts we have already received.
Love. Breath. Sunsets. Nature. Beauty. Laughter. Emotion. Intellect. Spiritual gifts. Love…again (it's so important I had to put it twice!)
Romans 8:31-32 says, "What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all - how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?"
Look around and be encouraged.
God is not holding out on us. He has given us everything.
In other words, there is no need to dig around for a glimpse of dog toys when you have superheroes and Little People in front of you.
Trust Him - He knows what you need and He will never withhold any good thing from you.
"For the Lord God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right." Psalm 84:11
Like many people, we keep our cleaning supplies underneath our kitchen sink. When I moved to clean the bathroom, I left the door to said cabinet open. Normally it is child lock protected and dutifully shut every time. I guess I got a little lazy.
Finn's curiosity got the better of him and he started digging through a treasure trove of cleaning bottles and Target bags.
Suddenly, I heard him proclaim, "Mommy! There's toys in here!"
I peeked my head around from the bathroom and said, "There aren't any toys in there, Finn."
"Yes there are!!!" he urged me.
Then it dawned on me: we used to keep chew toys for our dog underneath the sink…Eureka!
I said to my funny boy, "Finn, if there are toys down there, believe me - you don't want them."
"I do…" he insisted.
As this conversation continued, I thought of the oodles of toys that Finn already had in his possession. Already, our living room was overflowing with superheroes, Little People, and Legos.
Yet Finn was searching for more. Even worse, there was inflection in his words that suggested that we were holding out on him.
"Sweet boy," I said again, "Trust me you don't want anything under there." With that, I closed the cabinet and somewhere in the back of my mind, I made a mental note to clean and purge under our sink.
However, as I continued my cleaning spree, it dawned on me that sometimes we treat God our Father that same way.
We ignore the bounty before us and are in a continuous search for more…..More…..MORE!!!!!
There is a continuous aching in us that is forever longing for something more.
C.S. Lewis once said, "If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world."
Until we are in our forever home of heaven, we will always be aching for something.
And because of that aching, we often point the finger at God and question His authority and His goodness to us.
We believe that He is holding out on us. If He were truly our provider and our sustainer, then surely we wouldn't feel this constant longing.
All the while, He is showing us all of the amazing gifts we have already received.
Love. Breath. Sunsets. Nature. Beauty. Laughter. Emotion. Intellect. Spiritual gifts. Love…again (it's so important I had to put it twice!)
Romans 8:31-32 says, "What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all - how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?"
Look around and be encouraged.
God is not holding out on us. He has given us everything.
In other words, there is no need to dig around for a glimpse of dog toys when you have superheroes and Little People in front of you.
Trust Him - He knows what you need and He will never withhold any good thing from you.
"For the Lord God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right." Psalm 84:11
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Fighting
This past week, Matt and I have gotten sucked into a show on Netflix called "Out of the Wild". There are two different seasons - one in Alaska, one in Venezuela - and we flew through both of them.
The show is essentially about a group of 9 people (different sets for each season) who are dropped in the middle of nowhere with only the tools that they will need for survival. They have no idea how long it will take to reach civilization. They will need to build their own shelters and forage for their own food. There is no prize money at the end, only a giant sense of accomplishment. At any point of the experience, a team member may hit an emergency GPS button that they carry and be rescued via helicopter.
Sounds like a load of fun, right?
Survivalistic shows usually aren't my cup of tea or what floats my boat, so I was surprised that I was so quickly hooked on this show.
I think that what ultimately sucked me in was the psychology of the show. It was fascinating to me to see how people dealt with the challenges thrown their way. Some people met them head on; no matter how little they had to eat or how long it rained, they focused on the positive and kept their eyes on the ultimate goal of reaching civilization. They knew this experience wouldn't last forever and they were determined to deal well with it. They stayed busy with the task at hand. But there were others who would relent at the smallest obstacle; these were the ones who sat around while others fished and worked on the shelters. These were the whiners. These were the GPS pushers.
The battles were waged in the mind, by the way each person viewed their circumstances.
Things got more interesting as the groups moved forward. Foraging for food was not always successful, which meant that they were often starving; the team members who lasted until the end lost a lot of weight. They faced days upon days of rain or cold and snow.
It was intriguing what excuses people gave for pushing their GPS buttons. Some were injured; some were scared for their health; some thought that they had gotten everything out of the experience that they could. One woman, after lasting 28 days, gave up and pushed her button, not knowing that her teammates would reach civilization the very next day.
Bummer.
I received a phone call this week from an old friend asking for prayer. She was sad and frustrated, dealing once more with an issue that has plagued her for awhile now.
When I returned her call, the only thing I felt important to tell her was to just not give up. Keep fighting the battle and know that God is her strength when she is weak. "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:14
I gave her this verse to encourage her:"God is strong and he wants you strong." Ephesians 6:10 (MSG).
Although I have not gone through the exact same battle as my friend, I know what it is like to face the same obstacle over and over again. I know what it is to get weary in the midst of the fight.
And it is because of that that I empathize with her. I know how tough it is and that sometimes it is impossible to imagine moving forward.
But the only alternative to fighting the battle is to give up. Throw in the towel. Hit the metaphorical GPS button and be helipcoptered away.
At times when the GPS button seems tempting, it is helpful to keep in mind that the only thing required of us is the next step.
The only thing required of us is to not give up.
The people on the show who made it all the way to the end understood that while they had no idea how long the trying journey would be nor how difficult, all that was required of them was the next step. Then the next step. Then the next.
1 Timothy 6:12 (AMP): "Fight the good fight of the faith;"
There was no prize money sitting in a pot at the end of this journey's rainbow. Each person who lasted did so because they always made the decision to keep on fighting.
One guy said at the end, "Quitting wasn't ever an option for me."
I understand the reasons for wanting to press the GPS button. Giving up can seem desirable for a multitude of reasons.
But at the end, I want to be the fighter who does not gives up.
1 Timothy 4:7-8 (MSG): "This is the only race worth running. I've run hard right to the finish, believed all the way. All that's left now is the shouting-God's applause! Depend on it, he's an honest judge. He'll do right not only by me, but by everyone eager for his coming."
The show is essentially about a group of 9 people (different sets for each season) who are dropped in the middle of nowhere with only the tools that they will need for survival. They have no idea how long it will take to reach civilization. They will need to build their own shelters and forage for their own food. There is no prize money at the end, only a giant sense of accomplishment. At any point of the experience, a team member may hit an emergency GPS button that they carry and be rescued via helicopter.
Sounds like a load of fun, right?
Survivalistic shows usually aren't my cup of tea or what floats my boat, so I was surprised that I was so quickly hooked on this show.
I think that what ultimately sucked me in was the psychology of the show. It was fascinating to me to see how people dealt with the challenges thrown their way. Some people met them head on; no matter how little they had to eat or how long it rained, they focused on the positive and kept their eyes on the ultimate goal of reaching civilization. They knew this experience wouldn't last forever and they were determined to deal well with it. They stayed busy with the task at hand. But there were others who would relent at the smallest obstacle; these were the ones who sat around while others fished and worked on the shelters. These were the whiners. These were the GPS pushers.
The battles were waged in the mind, by the way each person viewed their circumstances.
Things got more interesting as the groups moved forward. Foraging for food was not always successful, which meant that they were often starving; the team members who lasted until the end lost a lot of weight. They faced days upon days of rain or cold and snow.
It was intriguing what excuses people gave for pushing their GPS buttons. Some were injured; some were scared for their health; some thought that they had gotten everything out of the experience that they could. One woman, after lasting 28 days, gave up and pushed her button, not knowing that her teammates would reach civilization the very next day.
Bummer.
I received a phone call this week from an old friend asking for prayer. She was sad and frustrated, dealing once more with an issue that has plagued her for awhile now.
When I returned her call, the only thing I felt important to tell her was to just not give up. Keep fighting the battle and know that God is her strength when she is weak. "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:14
I gave her this verse to encourage her:"God is strong and he wants you strong." Ephesians 6:10 (MSG).
Although I have not gone through the exact same battle as my friend, I know what it is like to face the same obstacle over and over again. I know what it is to get weary in the midst of the fight.
And it is because of that that I empathize with her. I know how tough it is and that sometimes it is impossible to imagine moving forward.
But the only alternative to fighting the battle is to give up. Throw in the towel. Hit the metaphorical GPS button and be helipcoptered away.
At times when the GPS button seems tempting, it is helpful to keep in mind that the only thing required of us is the next step.
The only thing required of us is to not give up.
The people on the show who made it all the way to the end understood that while they had no idea how long the trying journey would be nor how difficult, all that was required of them was the next step. Then the next step. Then the next.
1 Timothy 6:12 (AMP): "Fight the good fight of the faith;"
There was no prize money sitting in a pot at the end of this journey's rainbow. Each person who lasted did so because they always made the decision to keep on fighting.
One guy said at the end, "Quitting wasn't ever an option for me."
I understand the reasons for wanting to press the GPS button. Giving up can seem desirable for a multitude of reasons.
But at the end, I want to be the fighter who does not gives up.
1 Timothy 4:7-8 (MSG): "This is the only race worth running. I've run hard right to the finish, believed all the way. All that's left now is the shouting-God's applause! Depend on it, he's an honest judge. He'll do right not only by me, but by everyone eager for his coming."
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Mighty Mountains
I've been on two mountains in my entire life.
I heard a sermon recently that brought me back to both of them.
In the sermon, the pastor told a story about the Swiss Alps. Apparently, large groups of people can climb the Swiss Alps together. There is a chalet of sorts that meets them at the halfway point. The chalet is filled with all things comfortable: warmth, resting places, food and drink. The chalet is so stinkin' comfortable, that on average, about 25% of the group members choose not to proceed to the top of the Alps. They are satisfied with how far they have come, and the comfort has drawn them in and beckoned them to stay.
For awhile, they are content with their decision. But then, while they gaze through binoculars at their fellow group members who are high-fiving at the summit, regret begins to creep in. The realization hits that they have sacrificed their goal for a relatively cheap comfort.
As the group reunites and reaches their collective starting point, it is clear to see by the brightness of their countenance those who reached the summit and those who tarried by comfort's side.
The reason this story struck a chord with me is because it flat out convicted me.
Like I mentioned earlier, I have been on two mountains in my entire life.
The first one was Flat Top, located in Anchorage. Flat Top, true to its name, has a - wait for it - flat top. In the spring and summer months, once the snow has melted away, it is possible to hike all the way to the top without gear.
One day when my mom and stepdad had recently moved there and my brother and I were home for the summer, the four of us decided to "go on a little hike". Or so I thought.
It wasn't long into the "hike" when I realized - I was not cut out for that business. I muttered, I sputtered, I thought constantly of turning around. As we inched our way past tiny pathways and steep climbs, I agonized.
However, to those that I was with, turning around was not an option. They marched forward and by right of my own pride, I followed. It was one of the toughest things, physically, that I have ever done.
But when the four of us sat atop the summit and gazed victoriously over Anchorage, the sense of accomplishment was surreal. My legs might still have shaken the whole way back down and then been sore for days afterwards, but that couldn't take away from the fact that I had done it. I had done it when I literally thought over and over and over that there was no way I could.
The second mountain that I found myself on was Table Mountain in Cape Town, South Africa. Renowned for its beauty, Table Mountain offers one of the most beautiful views in the world. The higher up you go, the more rewarding the beauty you behold.
There was a whole crew of us visiting Table Mountain, enjoying a day of rest in the midst of a missions trip. You can get about halfway up Table Mountain by hiking or driving, but in order to get to the summit, you have to take a cable car. In order to take the cable car, you have to pay about $10.
Not really that steep of a cost to see such an amazing view.
However, on this particular day, I was tired. I was tired AND I felt poor. I was tired and I felt poor AND I had friends with me that also weren't really desiring to pay the price and take the ride.
About 5 of us opted out that day in order to head back to our hostel and unwind with a good book. At the time it felt like the right decision. But about the time I started seeing everyone else's photos of that day, the regret started to seep in. This is what I missed that day:
When I think back about the two mountains that I have been on, I look back on one with joy and a victorious feeling; I look back on the other with regret because I know that I took the easy and comfortable way out.
There are few guarantees in life, but it is almost certain that we will all face metaphorical mountains at various times.
I know I've faced a few.
Comparing my experiences on these two remarkable mountains and applying them to the metaphorical mountains, I see several real life applications.
Mountains - realistically and figuratively - are exhausting, gut-wrenching, and testing.
But I understand that the view is more than worth all that trouble.
I heard a sermon recently that brought me back to both of them.
In the sermon, the pastor told a story about the Swiss Alps. Apparently, large groups of people can climb the Swiss Alps together. There is a chalet of sorts that meets them at the halfway point. The chalet is filled with all things comfortable: warmth, resting places, food and drink. The chalet is so stinkin' comfortable, that on average, about 25% of the group members choose not to proceed to the top of the Alps. They are satisfied with how far they have come, and the comfort has drawn them in and beckoned them to stay.
For awhile, they are content with their decision. But then, while they gaze through binoculars at their fellow group members who are high-fiving at the summit, regret begins to creep in. The realization hits that they have sacrificed their goal for a relatively cheap comfort.
As the group reunites and reaches their collective starting point, it is clear to see by the brightness of their countenance those who reached the summit and those who tarried by comfort's side.
The reason this story struck a chord with me is because it flat out convicted me.
Like I mentioned earlier, I have been on two mountains in my entire life.
The first one was Flat Top, located in Anchorage. Flat Top, true to its name, has a - wait for it - flat top. In the spring and summer months, once the snow has melted away, it is possible to hike all the way to the top without gear.
One day when my mom and stepdad had recently moved there and my brother and I were home for the summer, the four of us decided to "go on a little hike". Or so I thought.
It wasn't long into the "hike" when I realized - I was not cut out for that business. I muttered, I sputtered, I thought constantly of turning around. As we inched our way past tiny pathways and steep climbs, I agonized.
However, to those that I was with, turning around was not an option. They marched forward and by right of my own pride, I followed. It was one of the toughest things, physically, that I have ever done.
But when the four of us sat atop the summit and gazed victoriously over Anchorage, the sense of accomplishment was surreal. My legs might still have shaken the whole way back down and then been sore for days afterwards, but that couldn't take away from the fact that I had done it. I had done it when I literally thought over and over and over that there was no way I could.
The second mountain that I found myself on was Table Mountain in Cape Town, South Africa. Renowned for its beauty, Table Mountain offers one of the most beautiful views in the world. The higher up you go, the more rewarding the beauty you behold.
There was a whole crew of us visiting Table Mountain, enjoying a day of rest in the midst of a missions trip. You can get about halfway up Table Mountain by hiking or driving, but in order to get to the summit, you have to take a cable car. In order to take the cable car, you have to pay about $10.
Not really that steep of a cost to see such an amazing view.
However, on this particular day, I was tired. I was tired AND I felt poor. I was tired and I felt poor AND I had friends with me that also weren't really desiring to pay the price and take the ride.
About 5 of us opted out that day in order to head back to our hostel and unwind with a good book. At the time it felt like the right decision. But about the time I started seeing everyone else's photos of that day, the regret started to seep in. This is what I missed that day:
When I think back about the two mountains that I have been on, I look back on one with joy and a victorious feeling; I look back on the other with regret because I know that I took the easy and comfortable way out.
There are few guarantees in life, but it is almost certain that we will all face metaphorical mountains at various times.
I know I've faced a few.
Comparing my experiences on these two remarkable mountains and applying them to the metaphorical mountains, I see several real life applications.
1. When climbing a mountain - especially one you are unprepared for - it is detrimental to have others alongside you spurring you on. At times, they may need to simply encourage; at other times, they may have to inspire you by climbing themselves. At the worst times, they may need to literally push your butt up the mountain. They are essential to success.
2. Don't allow a mediocre cost prevent you from a magnificent view.
3. Comfort is a deceiving distraction from reaching the summit. Do not allow the allure of a cozy lodge or a good book at the hostel sway your goal to climb the mountain. Do the work and stay focused, because there are some regrets for which you won't get a second chance.
Mountains - realistically and figuratively - are exhausting, gut-wrenching, and testing.
But I understand that the view is more than worth all that trouble.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Shoulds and Shouldnt's
This weekend, I willingly offered up nearly 3 hours of my precious time getting sucked into a movie on Netflix: "Lost in Austen". The premise of this movie is basically that a modern day Londoner (Londonite?) who is obsessed with "Pride and Prejudice" ends up swapping places with Elizabeth Bennett. While she tries to take control of the story in order to make sure that things end up as they should (Jane with Bingley, Charlotte with Collins, Lydia NOT with Wickham), she of course ends up falling in love with Darcy. This much is understandable to me. However, the 3 hours became irredeemable as the movie ended; this new lady and Darcy proclaimed their love and ultimately ended up together. Errr, what?!
As a touted romantic, there are just certain unalienable truths.
Any attempts to modernize these truths and thereby change them result in me rolling my eyes in frustration. Some things are just meant to be. These things should just be.
Right?
I'm a big fan of should. I'm a rule follower. I color inside the lines. I never had a single detention, or even a warning.
I remember when I was living down in Arkansas, I met my sister and her boys at the mall with the little boy I nannied at the time. As we were trying to make our way to the second floor, Kiki suggested we use the nearby escalator instead of treading over a ways to the elevator. As she positioned her stroller filled with boys onto the escalator, I was getting ready to follow with my own stroller when I noticed a sign that said, "No strollers on the escalator". I hesitated and questioned Kiki about it. What if we got in trouble??? She rolled her eyes at me and I'm pretty sure she made fun of me. And then she continued on her way. So I sheepishly followed.
I feel like in my faith, "should" has been something that I have continued to wrestle with God. The longer that I live, the more I realize that the "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts"of life are an illusion - there to make us feel as though we have some sort of control in this crazy, unpredictable life.
Children shouldn't suffer from terminal illnesses.
Children should live longer than their parents.
There shouldn't be people starving in others countries.
We should always keep our patience while driving - even around Iowans.
I shouldn't get frustrated when my son tests his boundaries.
I should always be filled with belief and never feel anxious.
The examples go on and on. The only thing, really, that matters though is where we are led through all the shoulds and shouldn'ts. It is difficult to completely suspend our beliefs about certain matters. Shoulds and shouldn'ts will always exist somewhere in our minds.
But do we leave them there and grow bitter and anxious with everything that doesn't go the way we deem it needs to go?
Or do we surrender those very things, humbly admitting that we do not know all and that no matter what happens, we are cradled in God?
I think that sometimes our expectations, our shoulds and shouldn'ts, cause us to turn away from God and question what in the world He is doing. We reject what He is offering us in a given moment.
"Dare I ask what I think I deserve? A life of material comfort? A life free of all trials, all hardship, all suffering? A life with no discomfort, no inconveniences? Are there times that a sense of entitlement - expectations - is what inflates self, detonates anger, offends God, extinguishes joy? And what do I really deserve? Thankfully, God never gives what is deserved, but instead, God graciously, passionately offers gifts, our bodies, our time, our very lives.....proudly refusing to accept this moment, dismissing it as no gift at all, I refuse God. I reject God." - Ann Voskamp One Thousand Gifts
I was listening to a sermon today that discussed the crucifixion of Jesus. What stood out to me the most was the following:
That's the biggest "shouldn't" there ever was. Jesus dying for us, taking our punishment. We should have to pay the price of our own sin against God. Jesus shouldn't have to die for crimes he never committed. But because that "shouldn't" happened, we can trust God with the entirety of our lives - even that which doesn't make sense. Even when we reject and turn away, God comes.
If we can surrender the shoulds and shouldn'ts of life and trust in the strength of God's arms to hold us, the power of God's love to save us, and the sovereignty of God's knowledge to guide us, there is nothing to fear.
As a touted romantic, there are just certain unalienable truths.
Noah belongs with Allie.
Zack belongs with Kelly.
Ross belongs with Rachel.
Gilbert belongs with Anne.
Darcy belongs with Elizabeth.
Period. No erasees.
Any attempts to modernize these truths and thereby change them result in me rolling my eyes in frustration. Some things are just meant to be. These things should just be.
Right?
I'm a big fan of should. I'm a rule follower. I color inside the lines. I never had a single detention, or even a warning.
I remember when I was living down in Arkansas, I met my sister and her boys at the mall with the little boy I nannied at the time. As we were trying to make our way to the second floor, Kiki suggested we use the nearby escalator instead of treading over a ways to the elevator. As she positioned her stroller filled with boys onto the escalator, I was getting ready to follow with my own stroller when I noticed a sign that said, "No strollers on the escalator". I hesitated and questioned Kiki about it. What if we got in trouble??? She rolled her eyes at me and I'm pretty sure she made fun of me. And then she continued on her way. So I sheepishly followed.
I feel like in my faith, "should" has been something that I have continued to wrestle with God. The longer that I live, the more I realize that the "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts"of life are an illusion - there to make us feel as though we have some sort of control in this crazy, unpredictable life.
Children shouldn't suffer from terminal illnesses.
Children should live longer than their parents.
There shouldn't be people starving in others countries.
We should always keep our patience while driving - even around Iowans.
I shouldn't get frustrated when my son tests his boundaries.
I should always be filled with belief and never feel anxious.
The examples go on and on. The only thing, really, that matters though is where we are led through all the shoulds and shouldn'ts. It is difficult to completely suspend our beliefs about certain matters. Shoulds and shouldn'ts will always exist somewhere in our minds.
But do we leave them there and grow bitter and anxious with everything that doesn't go the way we deem it needs to go?
Or do we surrender those very things, humbly admitting that we do not know all and that no matter what happens, we are cradled in God?
I think that sometimes our expectations, our shoulds and shouldn'ts, cause us to turn away from God and question what in the world He is doing. We reject what He is offering us in a given moment.
I was listening to a sermon today that discussed the crucifixion of Jesus. What stood out to me the most was the following:
"When Jesus Christ Himself said, "Come to me", God turned away from Him. In other words, Jesus got the abandonment we deserved. Jesus was calling for God and God turned His face away, so that when we say to God, "Turn Your face away', God will come. Because He experienced what we should have received, and therefore He can be understanding....." - Dr. Timothy Keller
That's the biggest "shouldn't" there ever was. Jesus dying for us, taking our punishment. We should have to pay the price of our own sin against God. Jesus shouldn't have to die for crimes he never committed. But because that "shouldn't" happened, we can trust God with the entirety of our lives - even that which doesn't make sense. Even when we reject and turn away, God comes.
If we can surrender the shoulds and shouldn'ts of life and trust in the strength of God's arms to hold us, the power of God's love to save us, and the sovereignty of God's knowledge to guide us, there is nothing to fear.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Gloomy Doomy
Uff-da.
It has been quite a day already; I feel like I have earned my mommy stripes. All day yesterday, Finn was pretty fussy and just not acting like himself. Then, last night, he slept - on average - about 30-45 minute increments. Needless to say, my poor sweet boy was not feeling well and there wasn't a whole lot that I could do about it. And there wasn't a whole lot of sleep being gotten at our house.
This morning, I was up before the sun in order to get ready for church. I was on the worship team and had to be there by 7:30. I tried to do as much as I could to myself before Finn awoke, but didn't get nearly as far as I wanted to. When Finn woke up, it was clear to see that he still was not feeling great. But I nursed him and bathed him and got him ready without much incident.
Except for the part where he pooped in the tub.
But I got him cleaned up, got the tub cleaned up, and got him dressed. As I tried getting ready, I pulled out every trick in my bag to keep him from fussing and wanting to be held. Dancing, singing, handing him things to suck on..............here it was, only 7:15 and I was already exhausted!
On the way to church, I began praying for the service and for my own spirits as they were dragging. The sky was beautiful.....the sun rising in the east was magnificent in the way that its rays were passing through the clouds. But even that wasn't lifting my spirits as it normally would. Off to the west, a dark wall of clouds was making its way into town and it was easy to see that a storm was brewing. Unfortunately, those were the clouds that better matched my mood.
All of a sudden, I saw a rainbow spreading forth against the storm clouds as the song that I was listening to sang, "Love never fails....".
And it hit me that I had a choice: I could either focus on the storm clouds rolling in, or on the rainbow and its representation of the promises of God.
If I focused on the storm clouds, my gloomy, doomy mood would be allowed to take over and the storm could rage on.
If I focused on the rainbow, the shadows of my mood could surrender to the beauty of God's promises. The storm may still come to rage its power, but it could never cause God's promises to falter or fade.
He promises to never leave me or forsake me.
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6
He promises to be my helper.
"For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." (Isaiah 41:13)
He promises that He has plans for me.
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and future." (Jeremiah 29:11)
He promises that He loves me and that nothing could come between us.
"But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loves us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 8:37-39)
What was I feeling gloomy about again?
It has been quite a day already; I feel like I have earned my mommy stripes. All day yesterday, Finn was pretty fussy and just not acting like himself. Then, last night, he slept - on average - about 30-45 minute increments. Needless to say, my poor sweet boy was not feeling well and there wasn't a whole lot that I could do about it. And there wasn't a whole lot of sleep being gotten at our house.
This morning, I was up before the sun in order to get ready for church. I was on the worship team and had to be there by 7:30. I tried to do as much as I could to myself before Finn awoke, but didn't get nearly as far as I wanted to. When Finn woke up, it was clear to see that he still was not feeling great. But I nursed him and bathed him and got him ready without much incident.
Except for the part where he pooped in the tub.
But I got him cleaned up, got the tub cleaned up, and got him dressed. As I tried getting ready, I pulled out every trick in my bag to keep him from fussing and wanting to be held. Dancing, singing, handing him things to suck on..............here it was, only 7:15 and I was already exhausted!
On the way to church, I began praying for the service and for my own spirits as they were dragging. The sky was beautiful.....the sun rising in the east was magnificent in the way that its rays were passing through the clouds. But even that wasn't lifting my spirits as it normally would. Off to the west, a dark wall of clouds was making its way into town and it was easy to see that a storm was brewing. Unfortunately, those were the clouds that better matched my mood.
All of a sudden, I saw a rainbow spreading forth against the storm clouds as the song that I was listening to sang, "Love never fails....".
And it hit me that I had a choice: I could either focus on the storm clouds rolling in, or on the rainbow and its representation of the promises of God.
If I focused on the storm clouds, my gloomy, doomy mood would be allowed to take over and the storm could rage on.
If I focused on the rainbow, the shadows of my mood could surrender to the beauty of God's promises. The storm may still come to rage its power, but it could never cause God's promises to falter or fade.
He promises to never leave me or forsake me.
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6
He promises to be my helper.
"For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." (Isaiah 41:13)
He promises that He has plans for me.
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and future." (Jeremiah 29:11)
He promises that He loves me and that nothing could come between us.
"But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loves us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 8:37-39)
What was I feeling gloomy about again?
Saturday, June 11, 2011
White Piano
There are some days that no matter how terrible they are, can still end well and totally redeem themselves.
That is how yesterday was for me. It kind of felt as though I was trying to swim through water.
You know that feeling........in your mind you are moving your legs as fast as you can, but as your legs try to move through the water, the resistance proves futile. The deeper the water, the greater the difficulty to wade successfully through.
Yesterday it seemed that I started at about ankle deep water and as the day progressed, the water grew higher and higher. The strange thing is that there wasn't any major thing that went wrong. It was just a lot of tiny little things. Every time there was a chance for something to go the way I wanted it to, it didn't.
Like Alexander's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, I woke up with gum in my hair, didn't get the dessert I wanted at lunch, got shafted on the tennis shoes I wanted, and had to eat lima beans for dinner. Metaphorically speaking.
And so it went.....all day long......until finally, yesterday afternoon when I was writing a blog, I somehow managed to delete the entire thing. I can't even explain how it happened, which increased my frustration!
On an ordinary day, I would have been annoyed and disappointed. But yesterday, it was the tiny string of straw that broke the camel's back.
I cried. I went into my bedroom and flat out ugly cried.
And it felt amazing!!! What a release!
Now, the rest of the day wasn't a fairy tale by any means. There were still minor hiccups and headaches. But because of my cathartic ugly cry, I was in a better place to deal with them.
I was ready to concede to the day going down in the history books as "meh", when I was surprised by the ability of a single circumstance to completely turn it around.
We were over at my mom and stepdad's house last night for my nephew's birthday party. And as the party was winding down, my mom sat down at her piano to play.
Now let me just say: I LOVE listening to my mom play the piano. It is one of my favorite things on earth. It has the power to instantly bring me back to being a child. So although the white piano room was filled with people playing and talking and consorting noisily.........in my mind I was in my happy place.
I felt immediately refreshed and ready to take on the world once again, lima beans and all.
So the next time that I have a frustrating day, I hope I don't underestimate the chance of an eleventh hour redemption.
After all, there is always hope that things will get better.
That is how yesterday was for me. It kind of felt as though I was trying to swim through water.
You know that feeling........in your mind you are moving your legs as fast as you can, but as your legs try to move through the water, the resistance proves futile. The deeper the water, the greater the difficulty to wade successfully through.
Yesterday it seemed that I started at about ankle deep water and as the day progressed, the water grew higher and higher. The strange thing is that there wasn't any major thing that went wrong. It was just a lot of tiny little things. Every time there was a chance for something to go the way I wanted it to, it didn't.
Like Alexander's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, I woke up with gum in my hair, didn't get the dessert I wanted at lunch, got shafted on the tennis shoes I wanted, and had to eat lima beans for dinner. Metaphorically speaking.
And so it went.....all day long......until finally, yesterday afternoon when I was writing a blog, I somehow managed to delete the entire thing. I can't even explain how it happened, which increased my frustration!
On an ordinary day, I would have been annoyed and disappointed. But yesterday, it was the tiny string of straw that broke the camel's back.
I cried. I went into my bedroom and flat out ugly cried.
And it felt amazing!!! What a release!
Now, the rest of the day wasn't a fairy tale by any means. There were still minor hiccups and headaches. But because of my cathartic ugly cry, I was in a better place to deal with them.
I was ready to concede to the day going down in the history books as "meh", when I was surprised by the ability of a single circumstance to completely turn it around.
We were over at my mom and stepdad's house last night for my nephew's birthday party. And as the party was winding down, my mom sat down at her piano to play.
(this is not my mother, but it is her piano!)
I felt immediately refreshed and ready to take on the world once again, lima beans and all.
So the next time that I have a frustrating day, I hope I don't underestimate the chance of an eleventh hour redemption.
After all, there is always hope that things will get better.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)