Held

I would venture to say that most people tend to take the last few days of a year to glance back at the roller coaster ride that they have just been on. For better or worse, the ride is nearly over. Memories were made, mistakes were made, progress was made.

For some the past year holds a whole lot of pain. For others, it was one giant celebration. For most it falls somewhere in the middle.

Years end, and we look backward but move forward.

Maybe it was just me and the people by whom I am surrounded, but as a whole? 2014 seemed kind of tough. If finances or health weren't a concern, then something funky was going on in a core relationship. If all was well on the surface, then things were in turmoil in the inner person. If it wasn't happening personally, then it was all over the news or Facebook and it still took a toll on one's peace of mind. It kind of felt like many people I know rode wave after wave of bad, sad, or dire news. It kind of feels like many I know are limping near the finish line of this year, bruised and beaten up.

Bring it on, 2015.

Last week was a little rough, physically speaking, for my Finny Matt. He got his fingers shut into a door, banged his head on a bookshelf and a cousin's teeth, and cracked his elbow on a hard piece of wood in our couch while jumping (how?????)

He's been a little beaten up.

In each of these situations, as he has screamed a scream that makes the hair on my arms stand at attention and my heart beat a million miles a minutes, in those first few moments all I have done is held him. I held him, as close as I could, as tight as he would let me. I didn't want to examine or fix his pain until I could calm his spirit. In those first few moments, I held him and whispered into his ear, "It's okay, it's okay, it's okay, you're okay." I'm not sure if I was trying to convince myself or him.

As I was holding and whispering to him after cracking his chin on our bookshelf, it made me think of how God reacts when we feel brutally beaten up by the world in which we live. Maybe, perhaps, in those first few moments or days when we experience a sharp pain, His main priority is to hold us. He's not fixing our problem or our wound, He's not making it less painful, He's simply holding us as tight as He can.

It is tempting to get impatient with God when we feel like it takes Him too long to address our aches and pains. However, if we could tune into His whisper above our screams of pain, we may just even hear Him whisper, "It's okay, it's okay, it's okay, you're okay. I've got this. We'll get through this. Hold on."

I was talking about this metaphor with my in-laws, and my father-in-law looks at me a little skeptically. "So, what if someone's arm gets ripped off and they are gushing blood? Would you still just want to hold them?"

It made me think. My metaphor-driven brain can sometimes simplify things too much, I admit.

As a mother, if this happened to my son, I would grab the arm (I think. If I could. I might gag.) But I would still hold him close as possible as we made our way to the nearest emergency room.

As our Father God, I absolutely believe that He picks up our broken pieces (which don't gross Him out at all) and still holds us tight before He begins the process of healing our wounds.

I guess I go into all of this to encourage someone who may be reading this. If your world has been rocked, or your year has been awful, or you don't know which end is up, chances are good that God is holding onto you as tight as He can.

Pay attention; you may even be able to feel His touch or hear Him whisper words of comfort.

Psalm 119:76: "May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant".

Isaiah 40:11: "Like a shepherd, he will care for his flock, gathering the lambs in his arms, hugging them as he carries them, leading the nursing ewes to good pasture."

Harmony

Harmony can be defined in multiple ways:
1. "An orderly or pleasing combination of elements in a whole"
2. "A relationship in which various components exist together without destroying one another"
3. "A relationship characterized by a lack of conflict or by agreement, as of opinion or interest"

Harmony can be a way of life. It can also be musical, one voice or instrument added to another, in order to create an even more beautiful song.

One could say that it was music that brought me and Matt together. I joined the worship team, we sang together, we cracked jokes, and we bonded over a mutual love of nerdy '90's movies and tv shows.

But it all started with the music. And the worship.

From the beginning, Matt was the soloist and I plugged away trying to learn harmony. Learning harmony was something that took intentional practicing for me; it was something I had to work to perfect (and to be honest, I still don't have it perfected).

I remember growing up in church, I would stand next to my mom and listen to her sing. She rarely ever sang the melody of a song; rather, she would effortlessly find the harmony. When I was young, I wondered why she wasn't singing the melody with everyone else. I didn't understand that she was simply making the song more lovely and complex.

When the time came in which I was trying to learn harmony, there were times it was fairly easy and others that it was more difficult. It depended upon the key of the song and the complexity of the melody, and I had to learn how to blend in my voice. But I loved it.

I especially loved singing with Matt (and not just because he was super dreamy). I loved molding my voice to his and instinctively knowing where he was going to go with a song. It is still one of my favorite things to do with my husband - sing harmony over his melody.

Matt and I have been married 6 years (happy anniversary to us!), and as I was reflecting on our relationship this week, I was thinking about how marriage itself is often like harmony.

There is a blending that is needed when you bring two separate lives together. And it's a skill that takes some perfecting.

When Matt is working hard and pursuing his goals, he is leading our family in a way similar to how one can lead a song. One of my main joys as a wife is to support Matt's gifts and goals and leadership. When I see Matt using his gifts, I want to do whatever I can to help and invest in his success. I want to bolster his efforts however I can. If he is the strong melody, I become the harmony, there to back him and help him shine.

I love seeing him shine.

Plus, the beauty of it all is that it goes both ways. When my gifts and goals are the focus and I carry the melody, Matt creates some beautiful harmony. When I was completing my masters degree and had homework and internship and commitments, Matt dedicated himself to doing whatever he could do to help me finish strong. If he had to rearrange his schedule to keep Finn so I could study, he did. If he had to do extra cooking and cleaning around the house so we weren't living in Sty-ville, he did. These days, he joyfully will watch the boys so that I can meet with one of our young adult women. I support his gifts, he supports my gifts.

Two voices, one lovely strain.

When I act in ways that support Matt's gifts, abilities, and goals, I harmoniously strengthen him. And vice versa.
On the other hand, if I act in ways that tear him down or make it difficult for him to succeed, I create a dissonant noise in our relationship and family. Nobody wants to listen to that kind of song, filled with contentious and mismatched notes. Unless you're like, into scream-o stuff.

"A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm" Proverbs 27:15

When you live with someone day in and day out, knowing their quirks and weaknesses and struggles almost as well as you know your own, it's not a blissful Hallmark movie kind of existence. It's much too real for that. The choice is to either create harmony through love and support, or exist in dissonance.

In this life that we are blessed to build together, our mutual goal is to let God write the song. With Matt as the head of our family, I trust him to lead us as the melody. I will do whatever I can to support and complement his melody by being a steady harmony in his life.

And, I imagine Finn can click us off on the drums while Jonas strums away on guitar.

Matt is my best friend. He still gives me whirligigs because he's so stinking handsome. He is committed to our family and loves to let us know it through his actions. I'm so, so, so delighted to be his harmony. He's still one of my favorite gifts from God. Ever.

Love is a privilege and not a right. It takes work and action and intentionality.

But it's beautiful. It's oh, so beautiful and oh, so worth it.

Learn the harmony and pour forth the love.

"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal" 1 Corinthians 13:1