Finn's Birth Story

Well, this time last year I was swollen and miserable and praying to pop at any moment. It is hard to believe that my little Pinners is almost a one year old big boy! Last night, we had a family birthday party for him. It was such a joy to gather our families together just to celebrate our sweet little entertaining boy.

In honor of his one year birthday, I thought it would be fun to write about how exactly he made his way into this world. Because those kinds of stories are fun to tell and fun to read (I enjoy them anyway :)

Last year, November 30 fell on a Tuesday. I was officially 39 1/2 weeks pregnant, swollen to the peak of skin expansion, and miserable with back aches and a general......heaviness. We had an appointment with our OB/GYN, and I was praying for progress. Any progress.

Unfortunately, no progress was reported - I was still dilated to about a 1.5 and was 70% effaced. No change from the week before. I remember calling my sister and moaning about how much I just wanted Finn to come. She gave me wonderful advice to just enjoy every moment....enjoy feeling him in my belly, enjoy the moments of just me and Matt. I took a deep breath and tried to follow her words of wisdom; I knew she was right.

That night was pretty normal for us. I fell asleep on the loveseat about 9 p.m. as had become my comfortable habit. About 20 minutes later, I was woken from my slumber by a distinct popping sensation.   I ever so "gracefully" rolled off the couch and was down on all fours on our living room floor. I said to Matt, "I think my water just broke." Sure enough, seconds later there was evidential proof. No further details needed!

Immediately, Matt went into to Daddy Warp Speed. He ran from room to room of our house, collecting our hospital bags, starting the car, changing his clothes, getting me towels, calling everyone on his speed dial. While he got his exercise, I lazed around on the floor waiting for the water to stop. When it slowed a bit, I decided to take a shower. Matt thought I was crazy, but I really just felt an inner calmness. I was SO pleased that Finn was on his way and I didn't feel like there was too much of a rush.

After a few minutes, I started to feel a light contraction or two. We hopped in the car, Matt growing increasingly agitated with each red light we hit. By the time we got to the ER, I was having stronger contractions, spaced about 7 minutes apart. The Labor and Delivery nurse came to get us, and I got wheeled upstairs while Matt talked a mile a minute, entertaining us.

Here is where the story took an unexpected turn. A week before - at my 38 week appointment - my OB had checked to make sure that Finn's head was "down", that he was in proper position. She said it was. However, upon arriving at the Labor and Delivery triage, they did an ultrasound and verified that his head was actually up underneath my ribs. I had wondered why I never felt any of those notorious kicks up under my ribs and I now knew why.

Unfortunately, because my water had already broken, they couldn't attempt to turn him due to the risk of infection. Therefore, our only option was an emergency C-section. Immediately, the on-call doctor gave me the run down of what would happen and she also assured me that it was still likely that I would be able to have a natural delivery with our next child.

Within minutes, I was wheeled into the surgical room in some very fancy duds. This was probably the scariest part of the whole ordeal as I was by myself. Matt couldn't come in until after they had given me a spinal block and he was the only one that could be in the room with me during the procedure. At this time, I was still having contractions and they were beginning to get painful. This is also when they shoved a giant needle into my back. Hence, it being the scariest part.

Matt in his fancy duds

Once they laid me down on the table, Matt entered and held my hand and opted to go no where near the surgery side of the sheet that was placed over my belly. A few moments later, we heard the blissful first cry of our sweet boy at 12:14 a.m. on December 1.

Our first sight of him

Once I was put back together again, we were wheeled into a room for the spinal block to wear off. Here is where Finn got to meet his grandmas for the first time and where I first nursed him. The room was certainly nothing spectacular, but it will always hold sweet memories.

12 hours later, after a few more nursings and some catching up on sleep, life began to slowly edge back towards normalcy. I was able to walk around, take a shower, welcome visitors, and hold my baby boy as much as possible. Those first couple of days were nothing short of beautiful.

As I sit here, nearly 12 months out, I cannot believe that a year has passed so quickly. And as I look back at pictures and how much my boy has grown, I am reminded of how necessary it is to inhabit each moment and live grateful.

Thanks God

This is the time of year when it is easy to remember to give thanks. Thanksgiving is even - dare I say it - shoved in our faces a bit. It has even exploded into a trendy habit on Facebook - people listing every day what they are grateful for leading up to Thanksgiving.

And it is encouraging to see this trend - being grateful. It certainly beats women reporting the color of their bra in order to raise awareness for breast cancer.

I read a really wonderful book about 5 months ago called "A Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp. This book is entirely about giving thanks. For me, it served as an amazing educator on the great blessing of living a life of constant gratitude. Basically, the author was dared by a friend that she wouldn't be able to come up with one thousand things for which she was grateful. Long story short, she came up with one thousand and kept right on going, realizing that the more she gave thanks, the less anxious she felt about the trials in her life and the weaker hold anger and impatience had on her.

Intrigued, I began my own list of of gifts for which I was thankful. I found this to be a way to stay in a constant proper position of awe before God. By paying attention and giving thanks for my crazy amount of blessings, it was nearly impossible to let anxiety or discontent have any room to move in my life. I noticed myself, when I had a bad day, begin to immediately fix my thoughts on the blessings in my life instead of the circumstances of my negative mood. Each and every time, like a precious elixir, the gratitude worked to lift my spirits and renew my peace.

Sometimes, it is true, that giving thanks is not easy. Sometimes, it is far more natural to dwell on all that seems to be going wrong. But giving thanks doesn't have to consist of large and obvious blessings. It can be thanking God for this breath, for a moment when things seem to make sense, for another chance to hold my sweet boy with his head asleep on my shoulder.

Looking back on my own list of gratitude, it is almost like reading a journal of the last few months of my life:
#8 - Summer mornings that are cool enough to walk in
#19 - One last night with my dad before he passed away
#32 - New school supplies
#56 - Standing in church, surrounded by family and we are all singing
#85 - Seeing the sun and moon out at the same time
#100 - Butterflies in my belly
#111 - Flirting with my husband
#121 - A cathartic cry
#145 - Walking through a canopy of trees
#162 - Big sit down style family breakfasts
#180 - Seeing Finn make someone smile
#197 - Missing my husband when he is gone
#236 - A scar that brings back a memory
#268 - The fog settling over the prairie at dusk
#307 - Sitting with the windows open to let cool air fill the house
#383 - When Matt and I are both craving the same meal
#418 - Delivered packages
#447 - Sunny days after a week of clouds
#490 - When Matt apologizes for hurting my feelings instead of rationalizing
#510 - Not getting pulled over when cop is clocking and I am speeding
#543 - Walks around McKennan Park with an old friend
#623 - Finn's face when the wind blows strongly on him
#658 - Laughing with my husband at the end of a long day
#692 - Malt-O-Meal for breakfast
#718 - The way Finn clings to me when I get home from class
#748 - Matt's serious face when he gets up to check out a noise outside
#787 - Bundling up on chilly days
#833 - Matt telling a trick or treater that he is greedy
#860 - First eggnog latte of the season
#885 - Cooking while Finn plays happily with pots and pans in the kitchen
#919 - Freedom of paying off bills
#948 - The way Finn looks in his puffy winter coat
#962 - Big orange harvest moons that sit low in the sky
#975 - Matt offering to fold clothes so that I could take a bath
#991 - Peace coming in that passes all logical reasoning

These moments truly come in abundance when I stop and pay attention. It has been easy to reach 1,000 things I am thankful for. So easy, in fact, that I plan to keep on going and desire to make giving thanks to God the force that drives my life.

Thanks God for this guy:

And this baboose:

And these guys:

And friends that know me inside and out and love me still:

Truly I am blessed beyond anything that I deserve.
Life is sweet.
Thanks God.

Give it Away, Give it Away, Give it Away Now

In past Christmas seasons, I am ashamed to admit that I have devoured all of the gifts, traditions, and enjoyments in a selfish manner. It was all about savoring every moment, indulging my senses with many of my favorite things with intention to tide me over until the season came around again.

This year, however, I have felt God laying it on my heart to stop hoarding my blessings - especially during my favorite time of year. After all, isn't there more joy to be had in sharing my love of the season, rather than keeping it all for myself? The answer is yes. :)

There are a couple of ways that I am responding to what has been laid on my heart.

For starters, I have been gutting my closet lately in an attempt give away clothes that I absolutely do not need. Because I am a very sentimental person, I have a tendency to keep items simply if they remind me of a particular place or experience. For example, there is this shirt:

It brings back a hilarious memory with amazing friends, Mikaela and Emily. But the simple truth is that I was never a huge fan of this shirt and just bought it so we each would have one. I think I have worn it once because I feel as though it fits me weird.

So out it goes! Along with many others. This time, unlike previously pathetic closet cleansing experiences, when I hold up an item that I am on the fence about, I ask myself, "Could someone else use this more?". If the answer is "Yes", it goes in the pile.

I have been looking at this experience a bit as a purging of silly t-shirts that don't relate to my level of silliness anymore.

 For example, while the My Little Pony t-shirt goes,

 the Teen Wolf t-shirt stays.

 I am still on the fence with the Queen t-shirt - not quite sure if I am ready to let go of my Queen phase yet :). 

Secondly, this video was shown during church last Sunday:

And it really drove the point home to me that Christmas is a time to externalize love, not to internalize and hoard.

It is a bit ironic that I am feeling this way this year, as it has been many years since I have felt this......un-wealthy. So the fact that I feel this desire to give pressing upon my heart is proof that God is stoking this fire. If our family was rolling in the dough, so to speak, it would seem more natural to want to pour forth from that overflow. But since our wallet is tighter than it has been in recent years, I believe that this burden is a chance to step out in faith and open the door to allow God to do some really amazing things in our lives.

Challenge accepted, God :).

Lastly, I want to encourage anyone reading this to step out and give a little of yourself this season - whether it is for a loved one or a stranger, whether it is financial or some simple quality time - I pray that our eyes are all opened to the fact that time is short and we only have so many moments to make someone else's life better, even if it is just for a day.

Here is one more video that I wanted to share. I watched it earlier today and seriously bawled my eyes out - in a heaving sobs, puffy eyes, snotty nose kind of way. Finn was looking at me like, "Mom? What's the shiz, diz?"

But it is another wonderful example of being an offering to make someone else's life more extraordinary:

The Family Tree

Ah, November. Welcome, friend!

This day marks the beginning of my favorite time of year: holidays, family, traditions....I get butterflies just thinking of it all!

I have long argued that November 1st is the marker for holiday celebrations. It is now officially not crazy to listen to Christmas music, light my candle that smells like a Christmas tree, and buy egg nog.

Other things that are on my "must list":
- treat myself to a Starbucks holiday drink at least once a week until Christmas (last year I was pregnant and couldn't partake; that makes this year's drinks even more rewarding!)
- make a sad face every time Matt mentions that he really doesn't want to hang up the Christmas lights this year
- begin my annual viewing spree of Christmas movies: every year it seems that there are more to get through so I always have to start earlier
- begin planning Finn's first birthday party
- be on the lookout for these bad boys:

Seriously the best candy ever

- make Matt dinner for breaking our Christmas tree out of the back corner of our storage room. Err, actually, it would probably be nicer to let him make dinner. 

- teach Finn not to touch or climb on said Christmas tree

- begin teaching Finn the reason that we celebrate Christmas

- I suppose I need to fit in studying for my final and writing my self-assessment paper. Bah humbug. 

- spend this season in gratitude for the amazing blessings in my life

Holiday to-do lists are something that Kiki and I started when I was in college as a way of making sure that we fit our hoard of family traditions into the week or two that we were together each season. I tracked down our first one (our best one, really): 

- Drink egg nog and sit by the fire

- Visit family at the farm

- Get into our pajamas at 6 p.m. and don't get back out until 4 p.m. the next day

- Play Catchphrase (until someone gets mad)

- Drive around and look at Christmas lights

- Shop 'til we drop

- Sing Christmas carols while holding hands

- Go to a cheap movie and eat popcorn

- Head stand contest

- Listen to mom play the piano

- Go to Target and see who can buy the most with $5

- Swim suit contest

- Make snow angels for two hours

- Sledding at Tuthill

- Drive by each old house and reminisce on old Christmas memories

- Color Christmas pictures and hang them on the fridge

- Take as long as possible to open our stockings

- Dress Kody in a Santa costume

- Eat lots of junk food and have a pregnant belly contest

- Sleep in Christmas outfits and see whose is most wrinkle-resistant come morning

Mom later added many more sane ideas to our to-do list, including bringing others food, spending time one-on-one with each other, taking turns making dinner, taking walks in the snow underneath the stars, and loving each other by practicing tolerance and patience. She is such a mom :). 

Going back over these lists and memories in my head makes me appreciate my family and our traditions so very much. Maybe that is why I love the Christmas season so much: it is the one time of year when my family comes back together, at least for a little while. Being the youngest, a good chunk of my childhood was lived with my siblings having moved from home and living other places. 

But once a year, they almost certainly come home. Once a year, we are a physical family. 

This song is my new favorite Christmas song by my one of my favorite artists, Dave Barnes. It makes me cry almost every time and long for my family to just be here already.

And wow, I am tearing up as I write and this post just got a whole lot more emotional than I thought it would. Signing off with my good pal DB singing me away.