The Great Cookie Debacle of 2011

Let me begin with a simple question: is there anything easier to bake than chocolate chip cookies?

I became a titch over-zealous last night. Forgetting the fortitude that it takes for me to successfully bake, I decided to make chocolate chip cookies. After all, I was coming off of a really great week.

I found out that I received an "A" on my midterm exam in Appraisal and thereby spent the next couple of days puffing myself up. It felt really good to be slightly overwhelmingly busy, but still manage to get an "A" on a tough midterm.

There wasn't anything I couldn't do! I am woman, hear me roar?

Hence, the over-zealous inclination that baking needed to be done.

But it has to be asked: how exactly does one manage to ruin chocolate chip cookies? The recipe is fairly standard and basic. The instructions are easy to understand and follow. But as far as my baking skills are concerned, the results leave much to be desired.

The first batch became one large cookie conglomerate, as all of the cookies ran together. Additionally, somehow the edges burned and subsequently stuck to the sheet.

First batch - are cookies supposed to be translucent?

The second batch was a fraction better. Now instead of one ginormous, burned-around-the-edges cookie, I had 12 single, burned-around-the-edges cookies. Success? Success-ish. 

The third batch was another fraction better, although still burned. I made Matt promise not to laugh at me; he promised and then thoroughly broke it. Who could blame him? After all, this stuff comes easy to him. 

Keep in mind that the best-looking cookies are at the top

In the midst of my cookie-making debacle, I had the thought that God saw it good for me to be humbled: "Sure, you may get A's on tests, but your cooking leaves much to be desired!" :)

But I have to admit, I was pretty sad that my cookies were so shabby. After all, if I can't even bake chocolate chip cookies, is there hope for me to ever become Holly Homemaker? 

That thought was reinforced again today, as I strove to clean up my seriously neglected house. Since I typically have to squeeze work in while Finn is napping, I am not able to attack housework during those times. Plus, trying to get it done with him awake is a challenge; therefore, it is easy to put it off. 

I am not sure what happened, but I did not get the same DNA strand that my mom and Kiki have to keep consistently clean homes. They are rock stars. Cleaning rock stars!

Speaking of rock stars - shout out to my favorite!

Since I did not get said clean gene, it always takes me awhile to gain my cleaning sea legs. On top of trying to occupy an 11 month old who only wants to play with whatever it is Mommy is using and not a corner of the house that didn't need attention, this morning definitely had hectic moments. 

What I learned? 

- Realize that if Finn is not getting enough attention, he will let me know

- Keep in mind that he is always more important than the task at hand and he does not deserve to be scolded for being curious in what I am doing

- Things can be attacked in greater intensity during 30 minute Baby Einstein break

- Baby cookies (i.e. not Mommy cookies) are a great distractor - for use in the high chair, while cleaning the kitchen

- Don't sit down. It is always easiest to keep moving. Newton had it right: an object in motion stays in motion unless something intervenes to bring it to rest. 

- A good reward for me on Fridays after a busy week is to get to sit down and blog

Happy weekend!

Busy McGee

Ufda! I have not had much time to post lately due to a hectic schedule! It seems as though our little Fjerky fam has been running around endlessly for the last month or so, but we have so much to be thankful for! The things that have been filling our lives are blessings - each and every one of them. Therefore, as we ride this busy season through, we just take a deep breath and do the next thing - whatever that may be!

I believe that I am truly cultivating the art of multi-tasking as our schedule fills in each week. For example, last week I had a midterm and was having a hard time sitting down and studying for it. It seemed as though when I would get a moment during Finn's naps where I wasn't working or catching up on something, I could not find the motivation to study as I waited for him to wake up. So instead I made flash cards and would quiz myself on them while I did other things. Waiting for my computer to restart? Study! Nursing Finn? Study! Driving across town? Study! (carefully, of course).

With Matt working a full time job and being the interim worship leader at our church, it definitely feels as though we see him less, which has been an adjustment. It is a very worthy adjustment to make however, in order to see him ministering in what he is passionate about. His joy and energy when he sings and leads people in worship is inspiring to me. Yesterday in church, I caught myself just smiling like a fool because I was just so happy for him (his joy was evident) and also so very proud of him. I am very fortunate to be his wife!

With all the crazinesses, I have found myself juggling to find a balance between it all. There is this truly cheesy Amy Grant song called "Hats" which talks about all the different (drumroll, please........) hats that she wears. I would post it here but I really don't want to because it is really that bad ("hats!").

I am balancing between trying to be: supportive, loving wife; teaching, loving mother; part-time employee and trainer;  studious, invested graduate student; not to mention friend, daughter, sister, small group member, human video director, and loyal church attendee!

Like I said, blessed.

The moments that I feel overwhelmed are wonderful opportunities to take a deep breath and give thanks.

And then?

Just do the next thing.

Okay.....I couldn't resist! Partake in this ear candy!

16 Years

The little yellow house on 4th Ave was a safe place. It was where our family released and relaxed and just was.

October 13, 1995; it was in this yellow house that I climbed the stairs to go to bed that Friday night. Kiki was away at college so it was just me upstairs with the sloped ceilings and trick closet.

About 2 a.m., I awoke from my sleep by the ringing of our doorbell, by swift knocking. I rolled out of bed wondering what could possibly be so important to warrant knocking AND ringing at such a time in the morning? The drama of the possibilities pulled me from my room and down the narrow staircase.

As I reached the bottom stair, I watched as my step-dad strode to the front door to respond to the ringing/knocking noise. When I saw a pair of policemen, I felt a flurry of nervous butterflies in my belly, wondering if one of my siblings had gotten into some trouble.

Bryan spoke briefly with the policemen and then I watched as he made his way down the hallway to my mom, who was just coming from their bedroom.

I was the sole witness as he told her what the police had told him. I watched as she broke down.

I continued to watch, not knowing what else to do. In my 13 years of experience, I had never seen anything like this before.

My anxiety was increasing....what would cause my mom to break down so? She didn't break down, ever. She was a rock. Our rock.

I watched still as she somehow found her way through the kitchen and began walking downstairs. I followed, my stomach tight. What was going on?! Mom had seated herself near the bottom of the steps in order to talk with my brother, Josh.

Had Josh done something? Was he in trouble?

I sat quietly, nervously at the top of the stairs.

"Matthew was killed in a car accident tonight."

And with those words, life changed, safety shattered.

I don't remember getting up from the stairs, but I do remember the phone calls to my sisters and my dad.

I remember waking up the next morning in my mom's bed and thinking that the police could have somehow made a mistake.

I remember looks of concern and pity.

I remember standing in the kitchen in a circle with my siblings, each holding one of Matt's bandanas and each crying.

I remember thinking over and over again, "But just last week he was standing right there in the doorway making fun of our pumpkin decorating skills..."

It has been 16 years, but those moments are seared into my memory like a bright red brushstroke against an otherwise blurry photograph. And the truth is, I don't ever want to forget. There is something sacred in remembering the moments that change your life forever.

At All Times

Sometimes I have trouble sleeping. I toss and turn, my mind jumps around, I envy those all over the world who are sleeping peacefully. There is usually no consistent reason for this trouble: sometimes I have things on my mind, sometimes I stress myself out, sometimes I just lay restfully and wait for the sleep to come.

Last night was such a night. I tried all of my usual tricks and nothing seemed to help me capture the sweet bliss of drifting off to dream. The longer I lay there, the more consumed my mind became with, "I have class tomorrow night and we have to counsel in front of the class and I am so nervous for that....and then what if I don't sleep well tomorrow night? What about my midterm next week? What if I am grumpy with Finn tomorrow?" And on and on and on.....

And honestly, this morning I am tempted to be frustrated. I am tempted to feel sorry for myself. I am tempted to question God, "Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!"

But then a wonderful reminder in my devotional this morning: "I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth...I sought the Lord, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears." Psalm 34:1, 4

YES! I will bless the Lord at all times! His praise will continually be in my mouth!

After all, isn't there always something to be grateful for? God is generous to us.

This morning at about 5:15 while I actually was sleeping, Finn woke up in the middle of a coughing and crying tornado. It was far too early for him to be awake awake, so I went into his bedroom, pulled him from his crib and brought him out to the couch to soothe him. We laid down, I rubbed his head, and we cuddled until he fell asleep. My active, curious, independent boy cuddled with me!!! It was its own kind of bliss, even if my sleep was spotty.

So this morning, as the temptation to be anxious about sleep or frustrated with my view of God's sleep-provisions to me..............I choose to give thanks that I got to cuddle with my boy for a wonderful hour. I choose to give thanks for the unused Starbucks gift card from Matt that I can utilize on my way to class for a caffeine boost. I choose to give thanks - in faith - that God will use the experience last night some how, at some time, for my good. That's His promise (Philippians 4:6-7) and I choose to stand on it. Can you feel the pep talk I am giving myself? :)

One of my favorite lines from one of my favorite songs ("How He Loves") says, "I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way that He loves."

That, to me, speaks of the vital necessity of filling my mind with the gifts of God, with speaking His praise and giving Him thanks................because really, if I am doing it as often as I should be doing it, I won't have any time to entertain any anxious thoughts about a lack of sleep.

Though troubles rise and I get frustrated and anxious, life is inherently good because God is inherently good and my life is for God.

May it always be so.............even at 3 a.m. on a light sleep night.