Coconut or Baby Wipes?

"Gilbert, darling, don't let's ever be afraid of things. It's such dreadful slavery. Let's be daring and adventurous and expectant. Let's dance to meet life and all it can bring us, even if it brings scads of trouble and typhoid and twins!" - Anne Shirley

I've always loved that my birthday is in January.

I'm a big Christmas girl, and having a birthday in January has always given me something to look forward to when the after-Christmas lull hits.

I know that when the weather is at it's coldest and there aren't any fun holidays or breaks or vacations to look forward to, I can still anticipate a day for myself. Whatever my birthday brings, even if it's a bit of a let-down, I always approach it with a feeling of excited expectation.

This year was no different. The thermometer fell to stifling lows in the middle of the month, but I brushed it off because my birthday was coming!

My boys and I all struggled through colds and sicknesses of varying degrees, but I didn't let it get me down because my birthday was coming!

I went back to work after a brief maternity leave, but I took it in stride because my birthday was coming!

I love birfdays.

Anticipation. Excitement. Expectation.

I played the game Bean-boozled in my counseling groups this week, and the looks on the kids' faces before they ate the jellybeans were priceless. They didn't know whether they would be getting a good flavor or a nasty flavor, but they were excited nonetheless.

There is a flurry of anticipation that arises in us when we know something is coming, even if we don't know exactly what it is.

Coconut or baby wipes? It doesn't matter in that moment before you pop it in your mouth; the excitement is the same.

In each day, we don't know whether what we encounter will be wonderful or awful. But we can still approach it with excitement, expecting God to be at work. Jeremiah 29:13 promises that we will find God when we're looking for Him.

This year I felt a little convicted about my excitement regarding my birthday. I live in such a state of expectation during the month of January or when there is something fun on the calendar. But in my daily life, I trudge and muddle through. I go through the motions just trying to make it to nap time or bed time or mommy time.

I exist, but I don't expect.

How much do I miss by living this way?

There are moments and opportunities in each day that I know I miss by keeping on the blinders of boredom.

I want to expect God to move. I want to anticipate that when the sun rises, He is going to do good things. He's going to show His love for me, He's going to give me opportunities to love others, He's going to remind me of His faithfulness.

I don't want to live bored or deprived because I missed a chance to see God's goodness in any situation.

I love how The Message version interprets Romans 8:15: "This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike 'What's next, Papa?'" (MSG)

I read that this morning and was reminded again of the kind of life that God calls us to as His people. There is no monotony when it comes to God's power and grace.

I long to live intentional. I want to live with my eyes open. I don't want to miss a moment of God.

I want to expect Him.  

"Isn't it splendid to think of all the things there are to find out about? It just makes me feel glad to be alive--it's such an interesting world. It wouldn't be half so interesting if we knew all about everything, would it?" - Anne Shirley

So, I Hate to Vacuum...

My least favorite chore is vacuuming.

I actually kind of love cleaning my kitchen and wiping down surfaces and sweeping up crumbs. I like cleaning my bathroom, wiping spots off of the mirror and toothpaste out of the sink. I even kind of like doing laundry, the redundancy of wash, dry, put away, repeat.

I love seeing progress: the dirt wiped away, the counter clean and bright for one, brief moment.

But I hate vacuuming. It takes a whopping amount of energy or motivation for me to lug out our circa 1985 vacuum cleaner, pick up everything off the floor, plug and unplug the vacuum from room to room.

Ugh. It's the worst.

I think that the main reason that I loathe vacuuming so much is because our carpet is awful. It is wrinkly, it is stained, it is ugly. Until we can afford to remove or replace it, we are stuck with it.

Our carpet is so far gone that it is tough to even tell when it has been vacuumed. In essence, it looks dirty no matter how recently it's been cleaned.

Therefore, I don't see any progress or betterment, so it is difficult to enjoy my hard work. Shoot, forget enjoy, it's hard to even justify lugging our vacuum cleaner out of hiding and picking up every toy off of the floor.

Matt doesn't have to help with a single other household chore; if he will just vacuum for me, my heart explodes in star showers of love for him.

At least when I do other household chores, there's an automatic payoff of momentary cleanliness. When I vacuum, I am still looking at ugly. The carpet may BE clean, but if it doesn't LOOK clean, what's the point?

When it comes to growing deeper in my walk with God, I think it can be similar to my vacuuming conundrum.

Whatever progress is made can be indiscernible at times, which makes it tempting to give up or slack off. I often cannot tell that there is a difference in my growth, especially when it feels like I am fighting the same battles daily, weekly, annually. Whats the point? Why lug out the giant vacuum cleaner or the giant study Bible if it makes no difference? If I feel no different? If my struggle feels the same?

For starters, just because something doesn't look clean doesn't mean it isn't. Just because someone doesn't seem clean, doesn't mean she isn't. Psalm 139 makes it beautifully clear that God knows me more than I even know myself. It's a reminder to me that He sees the progress. I was saved and cleaned and made righteous through Jesus' death on the cross. So even when I don't feel it, I can know it is true. 2 Corinthians 5:21 helps me remember, "God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God"

Secondly, retrospect is a great revealer. I may not feel different day-to-day in my walk with God, but when I look back at where I was 2 years, or 5 years, or 10 years ago, I can see how the incremental shifts have added up to abundant change.

Lastly, I need to remember that I don't read my Bible and pray and seek Him because it helps me to feel a certain way. I do those things because I love Him immensely and I want to know Him more.

If the start of this new year is weighing you down more than anything else, and it feels like some struggles will never fall away and your mess remains, I want to encourage you.

Keep pressing in. Keep seeking Him. Keep your desire for Him alive. Stay faithful and you will become fruitful, as He turns those incremental shifts into abundant change. Do the hard work of lugging that metaphorical vacuum cleaner out of the closet and clean away the mess, even if it feels the same when you're done.

He is working. He sees the change. In Him, you are clean.

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up" - Galatians 6:9