Right Living as a Breastplate - Armor of God

I was so nervous to teach on righteousness (i.e. right living) that I spent one week simply studying any resource I could. I felt totally out of my element and did not want to give confusing or false information. I spent one week after that simply compiling and organizing everything that I was learning and how I could best teach the information.

Righteousness is so straightforward it becomes complicated. At least, that's how it felt to me.

The Armor of God study presents 4 different kinds of righteousness:
1. Perfect - "I am righteous because I do everything perfectly and make no mistakes." We are not perfect people, so this is an unattainable view of being righteous.
2. Comparative - "At least I'm doing better than her". Or, "If I could be like that I might be righteous". This righteousness either falsely puffs us up or tears us down. Our eyes are not to be on other people to determine our right-ness or wrong-ness; our eyes are to be on Christ alone.
3. Imputed - Now we're getting somewhere. This righteousness is final and absolute. We are righteous not because of ourselves, but because Christ died for us and bore the brunt of our sin. We did nothing to earn it; it is complete and fulfilled in the broken body of Jesus.

"When God looks at you now, He no longer sees your humanity, your frailty, your sin...your unrighteousness. He sees you through the blood-stained filter of His own Son, the perfect Lamb of God. You no longer need to exhaust yourself striving for perfection. You are already completely, wholly, and perfectly righteous because of Christ's gift to you. Perfect righteousness discourages you. Comparative righteousness deceives you. Imputed righteousness defines you and declares you innocent before all accusers." - P. Shirer

So if imputed righteousness is so complete, what's the fourth kind of righteousness?

4. Practical righteousness is the right living that we choose. It's doing away with the things that are not right for us as children of God and living in obedience. Not because we have to. Not because it's what's expected. But because He is so beautiful and trustworthy and kind, that we know obeying Him is only for our good.

"We put on the breastplate of righteousness by making a conscious decision and a firm, consistent resolve to 'cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light' (Romans 13:12, ESV). When you choose practical righteousness, you place a blockade between the enemy and the area of your life he most commonly targets - your heart" - P. Shirer

It is essential that learning about righteousness follows learning about truth, as they have a vital relationship. Priscilla Shirer makes a great analogy, comparing truth to railroad tracks, with righteousness being the train of our behavior that rides upon them and is guided by them.

Choosing righteousness, choosing obedience can feel like a heavy burden at times. But knowing the truth is meant to bear some of the weight of that. For a Roman soldier, the breastplate actually hooked into the belt. Then that sturdy, stable belt would help support the weight of the heavy breastplate.

"Satan's biggest goal is to lie to you so that your life will lie to others about who God is." - Jennie Allen

Our lives, at all times, testify to others about God. That is exactly why we have to know the truth, so we can walk in it by choosing righteousness.

The relationship between truth and right living is strong and essential.

During those weeks of personal study on righteousness, there were three main themes that I found running through every sermon, book, and Bible verse on the topic:

1. Environment matters.
We need to create an environment for right living. It is our responsibility to invest ourselves in environments where God can better shape and mold us. He does this through other believers, where we can be fully known and not hide. God loves to use us in each other's lives to chisel away the stuff that doesn't look like Him.
Hebrews 10:24-25 - "And let us be concerned about one another in order to promote love and good works, not staying away from our worship meetings, as some habitually do, but encouraging each other, and all the more as you see the day drawing near."
1 John 1:7 - ""But if we walk in the light as He Himself is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin."
"When I'm around people who take holiness seriously, I will take holiness more seriously. I will be stirred up to consider holiness more, and when I'm around people who don't, I have a tendency to not." - Matt Chandler

2. Righteousness is NOT behavior management, it's a matter of the heart.
In the Old Testament, we see God's people motivated by external factors, i.e., the 10 Commandments. Those commands were their basis for life and held them accountable for their choices.
But in the New Testament, we see God's true desire for us. He wants us to be motivated by internal factors, through our heart and our love for Him. Matthew 5:21-30 lays this out beautifully for us, as Jesus teaches us that it's not about the action, but the heart. The Old Testament tells us do not murder, the New Testament tells us that anger begins in the heart. What was "Do not commit adultery" is now "Everyone who looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
God does not want our obedience because we are afraid of the repercussions if we falter. He wants our obedience and right living to flow from a place of absolute love for him.
"One believes with the heart, resulting in righteousness, and one confesses with the mouth, resulting in salvation." - Romans 10:10

3. God does NOT NEED our righteousness.
He's God. He can do what He needs to do with or without us. Yet He loves to use us because it builds relationship with Him. He asks right living of us for two specific reasons: our benefit and the benefit of those who don't yet know Him.

Righteousness benefits us. Romans 4:7-8 tells us that it brings us JOY. Romans 5:1-2 says it brings us PEACE. Romans 14:17 says that the kingdom of God is righteousness, peace, and joy. When we choose right living, it does not constrict us or enslave us. It makes our lives more full!! That's the beauty of God's plan for us.

Righteousness benefits others who do not yet know God. We teach daily with our lives what we believe about God. Living our lives with peace and joy overflowing shouts to others about the God we serve. They will more readily believe He can be trusted because they have watched us trusting Him and His faithfulness to us. They will be more eager to love Him because they see the fullness of His love alive in us as we treat others with kindness and gentleness.
2 Corinthians 5:18-21 - "Everything is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: That is, in Christ, God was reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed the message of reconciliation to us. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, certain that God is appealing through us. We plead on Christ's behalf, "Be reconciled to God'. He made the One who did not know sin to be sin for us, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him."

To be honest, even after studying and teaching on righteousness, I still can get a little lost in the plethora of information. So for me, it's best to keep it as simple as possible in my mind:

Live what I believe about God.

I believe that He is absolutely good, so I can worship Him in spirit and truth.
I believe that He loves me, so the opinions of others matter less to me.
I believe that He takes care of me, so I need not be concerned about anything I lack.
I believe that He is sovereign, so I do not need to worry about what I can and cannot control.
I believe that He sent His Son to die for me, so my sins are covered and I will be with Him in heaven.

I live saved, cared for, and loved. This gives me peace and joy and protects my heart from being skewered by this crazy world.

Truth is a Belt - Armor of God

Numerous Biblical passages reveal Satan as the great deceiver: John 8:44, Revelation 20:10, Revelation 12:9.

He's a fabulous deceiver because he is so cunning. He takes a small piece of truth and twists it and contorts it until it is looks nothing like that initial, small morsel of truth. Satan knows that if he were to come at us with a blatant lie, we would readily recognize it and call him out on it.

For example, he can't come at us and say, "God doesn't love you." We know better than that; we have seen God's love and felt it in every fiber of our beings.

Instead he whispers: "God wants better for you". That's truth, right? We can accept that and let it enter into our minds. But it quickly twists: "I'm not doing enough...if I'm not doing enough, I'm not good enough...If i'm not good enough, God can't possibly use me...if God can't use me, He probably isn't pleased with me...if God isn't please with me, God doesn't love me."

One small truth that spirals out of control, and Satan has us believing lies. It's the same lie that he wanted us to believe, brought about in a way that makes more sense.

We are far too logical sometimes. Satan tries to get us trusting ourselves: what our eyes see, what our emotions tell us. The way he so cleverly presents information to us, it seems right. And that is why it is essential that we stay grounded in absolute truth. "Truth is never at the mercy of facts. Facts say I'm lonely or afraid. Truth says He will never leave me or forsake me" - Damon Thompson.

Thank goodness for truth! It is God's weapon that we can use against Satan's lies. I love how Priscilla Shirer defines truth as "God's opinion on any matter".

Shirer goes into fascinating detail on why Paul chose a belt as the item of armor to represent truth. Essentially, Roman soldiers would put on the belt before they put on any other piece of armor. The belt strengthened the core, and helped to alleviate the weight of some of the other pieces. It could also have the tunic tucked up into it, providing greater freedom of movement as it was needed.

In other words, the belt provided stability, support, and freedom. Truth does the same for us.

"With the standard of truth in place, you can adjust everything else in your life - your ambitions, choices, and feelings; your mind, will, and emotions - until all of it is "tuned" correctly. When you have a strong, stable, well-supported core, you can't easily be led astray by the enemy's clever lies" - P. Shirer

Truth gives us stability and support when the pressures of life get strong. It becomes our core support from which everything else branches. The trick is that we have to know the truth in order to be able to recognize the lies. We have to read the Word!! When Satan tempted Jesus in the desert, Jesus did not waste time reasoning with Satan, nor did he entertain his words for a moment. He knew the truth too well, and he wielded it precisely and effectively. He said no more, no less than the words of truth (Matthew 4).

One of the craziest parts of this summer for me has been the fact that I have had to actively use the weapons that I was preparing to teach.

The week that I was preparing to teach on truth, I was faced with a litany of lies. These lies came at me regarding some of the relationships that I most treasure. Circumstances made it seem as though I was rejected, unwanted, disregarded. My circumstances conspired with my emotions and twisted me into knots. I walked around in tears for days, letting myself be called Unloved and Unwanted.

"Satan's strategy against you is clever. He plans to zero in on your deepest insecurities and desires with the intention of showing you how you can bypass God to meet every single one." - P. Shirer

Then I remembered my weapon. I called upon truth. I marinated on the Word and I allowed truth to act as my anchor; it centered me in the middle of a raging storm. Truth calmed me down and allowed me to recognize the lie. Because I was calm, I could better communicate the hurt to those relationships that mean so much to me.

Understanding rushed in. Healing began.

Truth won. I had to know it, I had to call upon it, I had to lean on it. It is sturdy enough to stand on.

Truth is stability in a world of crazy. Truth is help in a storm of pain.

Big Old, Bright Red Target - Armor of God Intro

I knew I was asking for it.

I knew that if I took the necessary steps to teach this Bible study, it would be drawing a target on my back. I knew that God would want to walk me through what I was teaching before I got up in front of His precious women and acted like I knew what I was talking about. I knew that the information from the Bible study could change lives.

So I fought it for a few weeks. I bided my time. And then, finally, I allowed the big old, bright red target to be drawn on my back. I asked for it.

I signed on to teach the Armor of God study by Priscilla Shirer at my church. It has been a fabulous, difficult summer of learning and teaching! But I am not stopping there, no. I feel as though I am also supposed to write about the things that I learned and taught throughout this summer. God has seen me through so much. He's incredibly faithful. Maybe there is someone who could not attend the class but will read these words so that the powerful truth from this study can continue impacting and changing lives.

That's my hope, anyway.

Being more timid by nature, I tend to like to fly under the radar. But I have learned over time that that tactic absolutely does not work. Somehow, some way, I still get targeted; perhaps you feel the same? We may as well embrace it and wield the tools that can help us to battle.

My pastor gave a sermon a few weeks ago on the things that get under our skin and fire us up with a holy passion. That resonated with me because something immediately jumped to my mind that made it personal: I get passionately worked up when I hear of women who struggle with anxiety and depression.

The numbers are staggering, and they make me angry. And that, essentially, is why I chose to teach about the armor of God. Because there is a specific plan for battle, and victory is ours. We just need to live it.

Since Eve, the enemy has relished targeting women. I believe that the enemy loves to target women through our tender spots: our emotions and relationships.

Maybe you struggle with fearful thoughts and imagining worst case scenarios.
Maybe you are tired from fighting off thoughts of sadness and hopelessness.
Maybe you feel sick about how you cannot keep your temper and emotions under control.
Maybe you feel like a relational leper because you cannot seem to love others in healthy ways.
Maybe you let people walk all over you and have never felt loved in a way that feeds your soul.
Maybe you feel tied up in knots because of a fight that never seems to resolve.

Many days we feel like we're losing the battle. But it doesn't have to be that way.

In God's hands, our emotions and gift for relationship, the things that Satan wants to use to bring us down, can become strengths. 

Yet, in order to win the battle, we must first suit up.

Ephesians 6:10-18:
"Finally, receive your power from the Lord and from his mighty strength. Put on all the armor that God supplies. In this way you can take a stand against the devil's strategies. This is not a wrestling match against a human opponent. We are wrestling with rulers, authorities, the powers who govern this world of darkness, and spiritual forces that control evil in the heavenly world. For this reason, take up all the armor that God supplies. Then you will be able to take a stand during these evil days. Once you have overcome all obstacles, you will be able to stand your ground. So then, take your stand! Fasten truth around your waist like a belt. Put on God's approval as your breastplate. Put on your shoes so that you are ready to spread the Good News that gives peace. In addition to all these, take the Christian faith as your shield. With it you can put out all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Also take salvation as your helmet and the word of God as the sword that the Spirit supplies. Pray in the Spirit in every situation. Use every kind of prayer and request there is. For the same reason be alert. Use every kind of effort and make every kind of request for all of God's people".

Be Still and Start Moving

It has been a tough summer for me. God has been chiseling away at any place in my life where I have sought a safe place, other than Him. Relationships. Health. Ministry. Food. Finances. Relationships (again and again and again).

At times it has felt less like chiseling and more like God was using a machete to hack away whole parts of my safe havens.

And like chiseling (and hacking) tend to be, it's been painful. There have been tears. There have been angry prayers to God. There have been awful emotional reactions. There has been listening, learning,  and waiting.

I think, I think, I'm maybe kinda sorta starting to get a bit of the gist of it. Perhaps.

Sometimes answers come immediately. Some take their sweet time, like an old person driving around on a Sunday afternoon.

It is so easy to get frustrated and impatient in the waiting.

"God? Hello? You're still listening, right?"

There are a couple of different ways that I have tried to navigate this chiseling season.

1. Following my own instincts

We visited Matt's parents over Easter. Once I laid the younger boys down for a nap, I seized the opportunity to get some alone time with my oldest. We went "adventuring", which included throwing rocks in the river, walking the trails, and getting a little bit lost. I knew the way back to the house, but Finn wasn't so sure. Yet, since he's a 5 year old boy, he insisted on leading. He led us well, trusting his instincts and his memory. I complimented him at one point on doing a good job and he spoke, in true Finn fashion, "Your Finny is like a superhero. I can sniff the way home. Like a superhero dog."

I let him lead, because he insisted upon it. But I knew the way to our destination; if he got too far off track, I could always take control and redirect. So we meandered a bit, but still reached home. If I had led the way home, we would have gotten there quicker. But 5 year old boys really like to lead the way.

Adults like to lead the way sometimes too. We think we know best, and we don't always like to be told what to do or where to go. We know what we want and we are pretty sure that we know how to get it. So we take off and charge toward the goal line. The good news is that when we belong to God, He watches over our way. When we get too far off course, He resets our steps. In His mercy, He gives us the freedom to make decisions and in His love He helps us stay on the path to our destination.

We sometimes try to sniff our way home, not unlike a superhero dog, and expect God to bless wherever we end up.

Those who follow their instincts will try to look ahead to worst case scenarios and manipulate and control all the variables so things are in their favor. They try to manage all factors.

But there's another way, an arguably quicker way to reach our destination.

2. Follow the Leader

I was paying attention to the band a few weeks ago during worship. I rarely ever do this, so it was eye opening to me. It's no secret that Matt is a free flow in worship kind of guy. Most of the people on the worship team have played with Matt a long time and they know his signals very well. They know when his foot starts thumping, things are only getting started. When he backs away from the mic, keep it rolling and stay where you are. When the head nods, begin the new song. In those moments of free flow they are fully tuned in on him, as the leader, to tell them where to go next in the song. If one of them were to stop paying attention, that one could miss an important cue. Their eyes are on him, and they follow him. They trust his leadership.

Those who follow the leader focus on playing their part well and watching for their leader's cues. They study their leader to know the cues better. It's a sweet mix of watching, waiting, and acting.

One of my favorite verses for a long time was Exodus 14:14: "The Lord is fighting for you. You need only to be still!". I was in a season of transition when I clung to that promise. I would speak it to myself frequently to be encouraged in the face of the unknown.

One thing I didn't do at the time was read and study the surrounding text. In this passage of Scripture, Moses has led the Israelite people to the edge of the Red Sea. They are accosting him and accusing him, desiring to return to the chains of Egypt instead of pursuing the vast unknown. They preferred a safe cage to the arms of God. I would judge them for it, but I'm too busy identifying with them.

Here's what I missed years ago: right after Moses reminded the Israelites that God is fighting for them and to just relax, God responds: "Then the Lord said to Moses, 'Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites to start moving." (v 15).

Er, God, what is it? Be still or start moving?

Both. 

The 'being still' has to do with our thoughts and emotions. It stops them before they take over and we act and react to whatever we feel. If it had been up to the Israelites, they would have returned to Egypt and lived in slavery.....out of fear.

The 'start moving' has to do with stepping out in faith, taking the next step that God shows you. If the Israelites had never taken that next step, they would have missed the spectacular experience of God dividing the Red Sea, for their freedom.  "Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea. All that night the Lord pushed back the sea with a strong east wind and turned the sea into dry ground. The water divided, and the Israelites went through the middle of the sea on dry ground. The water stood like a wall on their right and on their left." (vv. 21-22).

As we follow God's leading, we need to do our best to stay calm. That doesn't mean never crying or never praying to God in anger. It means rehearsing His faithfulness and the amazing things He's already done for you. It means remembering His goodness and the millions of times He's shown His love to you. It means being aware of His power and promises and the fact that He can change your situation in a moment and WILL change it if and when it needs to be changed. Until then, it's knowing He's got you.

But we also need to keep our feet moving. We cannot sit around and wait, letting our gifts sit idle or others' needs unmet. We keep our eyes on Him for cues, and we walk, knowing He will direct us.

The thing with waiting on God's timing is that it cannot be rushed or manipulated.

But it can absolutely, 100%, all the time, be trusted.

"Protect me, O God, because I take refuge in you. I said to the Lord, 'You are my Lord. Without you, I have nothing good.' Those who lead holy lives on earth are the noble ones who fill me with joy. Those who quickly chase after other gods multiply their sorrows. I will not pour out their sacrificial offerings of blood or use my lips to speak their names. The Lord is my inheritance and my cup. You are the one who determines my destiny. Your boundary lines mark out pleasant places for me. Indeed, my inheritance is something beautiful. I will praise the Lord, who advises me. My conscience warns me at night. I always keep the Lord in front of me. When he is by my side, I cannot be moved. That is why my heart is glad and my soul rejoices. My body rests securely because you do not abandon my soul to the grave or allow your holy one to decay. You make the path of life known to me. Complete joy is in your presence. Pleasures are by your side forever." Psalm 16

Fatherhood

I was newly pregnant and very hormonal when Matt leaned over to me in the middle of a church service and said, "I hope that our baby is a little girl, because I want to be the daddy to her that you never had."

In that moment, every emotion in my body tried to punch its way out of my body at the same time. It was powerful and memorable.

We have never had that little girl we thought we would.

But on this Father's Day weekend, if there was one thing I could say to my husband, it would be:

He has been that daddy to our boys.

He is present.

I asked Finn today what is his favorite thing about his daddy. He said, "I love that he wrestles and plays and swims and flies a kite with me. And that he lets me go to church with him at rest time sometimes."

It is Matt's presence that matters to his son(s).

In all of my experiences with fathers, I realize more and more that so much of fatherhood is presentness.

And not simply being in the same room. But being present with one's presence.

I could sit in the same room with someone for 5 hours, staring at a tv, and not feel like I matter at all.
But give me 10 minutes of invested conversation, and my value goes through the roof.

I have been reading in Exodus lately. At the beginning of chapter 26, God outlines the blessings that he longs to give to His people (vv. 3-13).

In these verses, God promises immense blessings if His people obey Him.
He promises fertility in the land (vv. 4-5, 10)
He promises living in safety in the land (v. 5)
He promises removal of dangerous animals and of the sword (v. 6)
He promises victory (v.7)
He promises His favor (v. 9)

When I was reading this the other day, I caught a glimpse of God's Father heart towards us.

The essence of these verses show the role a father ideally plays for his children: provision, peace, and protection.

Lastly, and most beautifully, God promises His presence: "I will place My residence among you, and I will not reject you. I will walk among you and be your God, and you will be my people." (v 11-12).

God's ultimate promise to bless us was His Presence.

This leads me to believe that God's plan for earthly fathers is to provide their children with the same:
Provision. Peace. Protection. Presence.

Fatherhood at its fullest:
- teaches
- leads
- disciplines
- invests
- asks questions
- notices what is unsaid
- provides
- brings peace
- protects
- SHOWS UP DOG TIRED AND SELFISHLY WANTING TO REST BUT POURS FORTH THE LAST BIT OF WHAT HE HAS SO THAT HIS CHILD KNOWS THEY ARE LOVED, VALUED, AND TREASURED.

Simply being present with one's presence makes all the difference, however much of it one have to give.

Fatherhood is presentness.

Ugly Stitches

Nobody told me when Finn joined Rainbows last fall that sewing would be involved.

Each new verse he memorized, each new stage he conquered, brought a badge into our home that needed to be sewn onto a (very ugly) vest.

I hadn't sewn anything since 8th grade Home Ec.

Here was another situation in which it would be painfully obvious that I do not excel at very many mom-like capabilities.

However, when the time came, I reached way back into my 13 year old brain and recalled how to work the needle and thread.

I have to admit, when that first badge stayed on, I was pretty proud of myself. I shook the vest, actually a little surprised that it was secure. If one were to look solely at the front of the vest, my work was pretty good! The badge was firmly in place and securely held. It even looked kind of nice, like I knew what I was doing.

But, oh, the back of the vest.

That was where my struggle was on full display. The thread was all over the place. There was no order to any of the thread placement; it was ugly, just truly ugly. Each time I pricked my finger with the needle or shouted in frustration at the thread getting knotted again was spelled out clearly in the chaos that erupted on the back of the vest.

The front of the vest served to remind me that I had conquered sewing and it brought to mind each time Finn's face would light up when he saw another badge on his vest. He was so proud, and I was so proud.

The back of the vest made me feel embarrassed and a little ashamed that I wasn't adept at this critical mom-task.

Front of the vest? Kind of pretty and put together. It made me feel proud and accomplished.
Back of the vest? All over the place. It made me feel shame and guilt.

People can be similar.

In life, it can be so desirable to only show the front side of our vest. We will put our gifts and our honors on display, hoping that no one catches sight of the ugly underbelly where all the sweat and screams poured forth.

The process to progress is chaotic.

On the surface, where most people can see, we are held together and polished; a new badge gets added to our vest of life and we beam with pride because we worked hard for that.

But if one were to lift back that vest a little, do a little digging, they would see that keeping those badges in place was not that simple. They would see the chaos of our stitches and suddenly know that the journey to the badge was not always pretty.

The gifts we have rarely make obvious the struggles that helped them blossom along the way.

Maybe you're deeply compassionate.....because you've known deep pain.
Maybe you exercise great wisdom.....because you've been on the receiving end of great foolishness.
Maybe you make others feel good about themselves.....because you know what it's like to feel unvalued.

Perhaps the stitches that hold your badges, or gifts, in place had to be torn out a couple times and begun again. Maybe they are all over the place and the path the needle took doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Maybe your thread had to be reinforced several times before the gifting stayed secure.

You might be the only one who ever knows. After all, those ugly stitches are mostly reserved for the back side of the vest.

Can I encourage you, though, to show your ugly stitches too?

Let your gifts and honors be on full display! They need to be seen. Never try to hide what God has ignited in you to do.

But don't hold your vest so tightly to yourself that no one knows about your ugly underbelly. Let others see your struggles, your pain, your weakness. Your ugly stitches might help someone feel better about their own.

Beautiful, gifted front side or painful, shameful back side, it is all the handiwork of God.

We are not perfect, but His work in us is.

How to See Others

We all feel a little invisible from time to time. Whether we're drowning in schoolwork or diapers or meetings, sometimes the things that we love and work hard for are the very same things that cause us to feel a little erased.

We can be in a crowd of thousands and still not feel seen.

Encouragement is an act of seeing others. 

I used to be afraid to encourage others. It felt uncomfortable and awkward. I would see all of these wonderful, amazing things about other people, but would not speak it out. It felt like risking too much to speak it out; it exposed my inner world in a way that made me feel too vulnerable.

The older I get and the more I go through my own seasons of feeling invisible, the more I realize the absolute necessity of encouragement. Encouragement is a breath of fresh air, a hand lifting another up, and a salve for a hurting soul. The right word at the right time can make all the difference.

I have come to know the truth that when I see something awesome in another person, it is not mine to withhold, but a gift to give.

"Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift." - Ephesians 4:29

When I see something great in someone else but choose to withhold it, it only makes me feel smaller. It makes me pick myself apart more, not less.

But when I speak it, it expands my ability to love and be loved. The more I do it, the easier it becomes.

"So then, we must pursue what promotes peace and what builds up one another." - Romans 14:19

My boys are learning the art of encouragement and it can get pretty hilarious at times! So hilarious in fact, that they serve as excellent examples of encouragement that doesn't exactly encourage.

The other day Finn said to me, "Mommy, you're the prettiest girl...in our family."

I laughed at his sweetness and said, "I'm the only girl in our family!" He just shrugged his shoulders. His heart was in the right place, but the encouragement fell a little short. It was honest and well-intentioned, maybe a little too honest? It was kind, but didn't exactly help me feel special. I believe true encouragement calls out something specific in another person. It recognizes gifts and goodness that God put into a person, and for a moment it is seeing a person through God's perspective, with all of the hope and purpose and love with which He packaged them.

Now Jonas, my little sweetheart in every sense, is a natural encourager. It is a gifting I already see growing in him. Any time I give him a compliment, he shoots it right back to me. This is a daily occurrence in our home:
"Jonas, you're the best boy in the whole world!" (I say this to all my boys...sssssh!)  And without fail, Jonas smiles back, "You're best boy in the whole world too, Mommy!"

Uhhhh, thanks?! Encouragement like this rings a little insincere. It is spouted off quickly with little thought or intention. It can almost make the receiver feel like the person saying it doesn't really know her at all.

Then there's Ezra. He's a baby, so he doesn't talk yet :) . But for example's sake, he doesn't encourage others at all. Every positive thing about other people is met by him with silence. This is the very worst kind of encouragement because it is that which is not spoken. It is the kind that festers within the mind of the one who could have given a great gift. The encouragements that are not spoken block the light from entering someone's day.

What isn't spoken out, dies with you.

Fortunately, my boys have a phenomenal daddy to teach them. A few weeks ago, Matt stayed home with the boys while I had a full day of counseling groups and a women's leadership meeting. I popped in to nurse Ezra, then popped right back out. He was in charge of every meal, every diaper change, every mess clean up.

When I walked in the door that night, he's collapsed on the couch. He looks at me with tears coming to his eyes and says, "I don't know how you do it. I could never be a stay at home dad. You love us so well, and you do such an amazing job caring for our boys. Even when you think you don't handle situations well and get frustrated too easily, that's not true at all. You are very patient. I appreciate you so much."

His words were so sincere and specific, my heart melted in a puddle and tears came to my own eyes as well. You can tell encouragement is accurate and timely when it shows all over the receiver's face. All I could say in response was, "Thank you. That means so much to hear!"

I felt more seen that day than I had in a long time.

I encourage you to encourage others, as kind thoughts about them enter your mind, speak them. Let the person know that you see them.

You might just change someone's day.

"Show family affection to one another with brotherly love. Outdo one another in showing honor." - Romans 12:10