Each new verse he memorized, each new stage he conquered, brought a badge into our home that needed to be sewn onto a (very ugly) vest.
I hadn't sewn anything since 8th grade Home Ec.
Here was another situation in which it would be painfully obvious that I do not excel at very many mom-like capabilities.
However, when the time came, I reached way back into my 13 year old brain and recalled how to work the needle and thread.
I have to admit, when that first badge stayed on, I was pretty proud of myself. I shook the vest, actually a little surprised that it was secure. If one were to look solely at the front of the vest, my work was pretty good! The badge was firmly in place and securely held. It even looked kind of nice, like I knew what I was doing.
But, oh, the back of the vest.
That was where my struggle was on full display. The thread was all over the place. There was no order to any of the thread placement; it was ugly, just truly ugly. Each time I pricked my finger with the needle or shouted in frustration at the thread getting knotted again was spelled out clearly in the chaos that erupted on the back of the vest.
The front of the vest served to remind me that I had conquered sewing and it brought to mind each time Finn's face would light up when he saw another badge on his vest. He was so proud, and I was so proud.
The back of the vest made me feel embarrassed and a little ashamed that I wasn't adept at this critical mom-task.
Front of the vest? Kind of pretty and put together. It made me feel proud and accomplished.
Back of the vest? All over the place. It made me feel shame and guilt.
People can be similar.
In life, it can be so desirable to only show the front side of our vest. We will put our gifts and our honors on display, hoping that no one catches sight of the ugly underbelly where all the sweat and screams poured forth.
The process to progress is chaotic.
On the surface, where most people can see, we are held together and polished; a new badge gets added to our vest of life and we beam with pride because we worked hard for that.
But if one were to lift back that vest a little, do a little digging, they would see that keeping those badges in place was not that simple. They would see the chaos of our stitches and suddenly know that the journey to the badge was not always pretty.
The gifts we have rarely make obvious the struggles that helped them blossom along the way.
Maybe you're deeply compassionate.....because you've known deep pain.
Maybe you exercise great wisdom.....because you've been on the receiving end of great foolishness.
Maybe you make others feel good about themselves.....because you know what it's like to feel unvalued.
Perhaps the stitches that hold your badges, or gifts, in place had to be torn out a couple times and begun again. Maybe they are all over the place and the path the needle took doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Maybe your thread had to be reinforced several times before the gifting stayed secure.
You might be the only one who ever knows. After all, those ugly stitches are mostly reserved for the back side of the vest.
Can I encourage you, though, to show your ugly stitches too?
Let your gifts and honors be on full display! They need to be seen. Never try to hide what God has ignited in you to do.
But don't hold your vest so tightly to yourself that no one knows about your ugly underbelly. Let others see your struggles, your pain, your weakness. Your ugly stitches might help someone feel better about their own.
Beautiful, gifted front side or painful, shameful back side, it is all the handiwork of God.
We are not perfect, but His work in us is.
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