Ezra's Birth Story

With each of my boys, one way I have loved celebrating their first birthdays is by remembering and documenting their birth stories. 

I feel a little sheepish because I don't remember a ton of details from Ezra's birth. It was so uncomplicated that I have not told and retold the story dozens of times in the last year. 

Finn's birth story was such a surprise, and Jonas' had so many complications; I told those over and over again. 

Ezra's, in so many words, was contractions, active labor, birth. The end. 

Yet as I have paused to really think through those days, there are so many little things hiding beneath the surface of those obvious details. 

For one thing, he was my first baby that made me see my due date come...and go. As my due date was October 16 and Finn and Jonas had each come a few days early, I was hopeful from the very beginning that he would be born on the 13th. That is the anniversary of my brother's death, and I thought it would be super cool to redeem that date a little. 

The 13th came and went. So did the 14th, 15th, and 16th. Ugh, and the 17th. 

For about three nights before he came, I was up often in the middle of the night with contractions. Each night they got a little stronger and I would wake up so hopeful that the day had come! Yet they died down about the same time the sun came up. We had our 40 week checkup on Friday, October 16 and I was only dilated to a 1.5. This was after a couple nights of contractions. I was fairly discouraged, but my doctor said she thought I may not make it through the weekend. But grudgingly, I had to set up another checkup for 41 weeks...just in case. 

The night of the 17th they were particularly strong. By the time it was time to get up for the day, I was gripping my pillow through the contractions and was having a difficult time talking through them. It was a Sunday morning. I remember being so thankful that Matt had someone to cover for him at church that morning, as I did not think I could manage the contractions and parenting our two young boys through the morning hours. 

I was planning to ride the contractions out at home for a few more hours, but my mom convinced me to at least call the doctor and tell her what was happening. Her nurse called back and let me know that I should probably come in. 

Walking into the building, I had to stop several times as contractions hit. They were definitely strong, and I was so hopeful that they were productive and that we would not get sent right back home. 

When they checked me at the hospital, I was dilated to a 6 - HALLELUJAH!!!

They checked me in, and I got fairly comfortable, and I got my sweet, sweet epidural. One of my prayers for this birth was to have excellent nurses and to have a doctor in the room upon birth. I had learned with Jonas how vital a great nurse can be. God answered my prayer, and then some. We had the most amazing nurse named Molly, who was attentive and fun and communicative. She was exactly what I needed. 

After a few hours of my contractions amping up and then relaxing, they decided to give me a dose of pitocin to see if they could move it along a bit. Within the next hour, I was ready to push. And about an hour after that, sweet Ezra Adam made his appearance at 4:08 p.m. Not only was there a doctor in the room, but a doctor and a student and 3 or 4 nurses. We were more than cared for. 

Recovery was easy, especially in comparison to my others boys. I was up walking around that evening. This turned out to be a huge blessing; Matt's mom, who was watching Finn and Jonas, had not been feeling well. Since she is a warrior, she watched them without complaining. Yet we knew at that time that something more was going on. So Matt made himself more available to help her with the big boys, and I bonded with Ezra. 

From the moment I got home, I was able to dive right in and keep things running. The adjustment to having three kids was fairly smooth, simply because I felt fine for the most part. 

Ezra became and remained my sweet cuddle bug; he loved to be held. It was difficult to put him down sometimes! 

I look back at the past year and everything that God has seen us through. There are many sweet memories, and many painful ones. Ezra came into this complicated world in an uncomplicated way. His name means "Help" and he is a reminder that God always gives us the help we need when we need it. He is a reminder, always, of God's faithfulness and goodness. 

When Life Barks at You

Ezra fell down the stairs yesterday.

I heard him crying as I was changing out of my church clothes and in a moment of panic, wondered if I had forgotten to shut the door to the basement after laying Jonas down for a nap.

Coming around the corner into the kitchen and realizing that the door was indeed open was one of the scariest moments of my life.

I ran. I ran so fast that I don't remember how I reached him. I only remember the way I felt. I picked him up and held him close and checked him all over.

I was shaking and crying and terrified.

He was fine. Truly, I'm not sure how, but he was and is completely fine.

I, on the other hand, remained a mess. I ripped myself apart with thoughts of my incompetency as a mother. I felt like the worst mom in the world, negligent and forgetful and guilty.

The only counselor I ever saw pinpointed me from the very beginning: "You are way too hard on yourself, Gretchen." This was one of those moments. I curled into myself and fixated on my failure.

I felt sick all afternoon. The "what-if's" and "what-could-have-been's" terrorized me. I allowed them to. Logically, I knew that Ezra was okay. I knew that he was safe and healthy and perfectly perfect. Yet I was allowing my thoughts to reek complete havoc on my peace.

Then there came a moment of decision for me. I was watching a video of our worship experience yesterday morning at church. The worship that day was powerful, anointed, and broke some chains off of me. As I re-experienced that moment via video, one of the lyrics jumped out at me: "You rescued me so I could stand and sing, I am a child of God".

Rescue. I knew that God had rescued my boy, again. I knew that with my whole being. I just didn't know why. Then, in that moment, it hit me. God is rescuing Ezra for Himself and some greater purpose that I cannot yet fathom. Something in me just knows it. I don't need to fear losing a boy that God seems intent to rescue.

Even in my failure, I cannot break what God intends to keep whole.

I knew then that I had a choice to make. I could keep ruminating on what could have happened, or what could happen the next time I forget to do something important. I could tie myself up in knots with question after question, the worst case scenarios building a grim future for my life.

Or I could choose to see God's mercy in the situation. I could see His saving hand and pour out my gratitude to Him. I could laugh in wonder at the amazing protection that God has ordered for my precocious Ezra. That was a moment of distinction for me:

Choosing to see God's protection in my failure.
Choosing to see God's protection, and not my failure.
Choosing to see God's protection.

And then thanking Him with all I have.

A couple of nights ago, we were visiting my aunt and uncle who live on a beautiful piece of land in Canton. They have an adorable golden retriever named Jack, who is still quite puppy-like in his behavior. Jack is sweet and energetic and BIG. My boys love dogs, but they are not used to dogs that big. So when Jack bounced around with them, barking, they got scared. They ran. Jack, who thought they were playing, ran after them. This caused terrified screams and cries from their cute little faces.

There was one time in particular that Finn was running from Jack, screaming. Matt called out to him, "Finn! Finn! Just run to me!" Matt knew that if Finn would run to him, then he would be able to protect him. He would handle the dog and keep Finn safe. When Finn kept running farther and faster away, it was difficult for Matt to do anything. He needed Finn close to protect him.

However, Finn couldn't hear his daddy calling. The dog was too close and the barking was too loud. Those teeth were too big and the situation was too scary. So he cried and screamed, powerless to do much else.

This was such a vivid example to me of how God responds to us in the barking chaos of our lives. When circumstances are overwhelming, He calls out to us to come close, to draw near. He wants to enclose us in the shadow of His wing so that He can better protect us. Yet sometimes the noise and the size of our circumstances just drowns out the voice of our Father and Protector. In our fear, we end up running further away from Him Who alone can help us.

Ezra falling down the stairs was life barking at me. Barking at me about my greatest fears and my most intimate failures.

When I drew close through prayer, it was then that God could speak the words that would restore my peace and dismantle my anxiety. I could have spent many days tied up in knots and broken over what almost happened. I know myself enough to know that I could have spiraled into a hole of fear and guilt.

God is speaking. He is always speaking. I choose to stay close to Him so I can hear Him above everything else and so that He can handle the noisy dogs of life for me. Dogs chase and bark, but God draws and whispers. Dogs will demand our attention but God will invite it.

It takes desire and true intention to focus on God over the chaos of our circumstances. But when we do, we will find a Father willing and capable to protect.

Faith is a Shield - Armor of God

I was not prepared for how the week of faith would test me. This is otherwise known as the week of Ezra and the nickel.

God is faithful. I know that and I think that most of the time I live it. Yet there are those times I live defeated and broken. There are times that I do not live as though I know God is faithful. Mercifully, that does not affect His faithfulness. It simply affects my victory stance.

Hebrews 11:1 lays out faith for us as so: "Now faith is the reality of what is hoped for, the proof of what is not seen".

Those words - reality and proof - speak of certainty. Faith is certainty in God. It is confidence in God's promises despite circumstances or consequences. It persists in trusting God.

"Faith is acting like it is so, even when it is not so, so that it might be so, simply because God said so."  - Shirer

A simplified way of looking at it is faith = trust. Faith and trust both begin in the heart, but they are both proven in action. They are shown in obedience.

"Faith is acting like God is telling the truth...it is the process of adapting your behavior, your decisions, and ultimately, your whole lifestyle so that it accords with what God has asked you to do - without needing to see the evidence that it will all work out in the end...The act of faith is what becomes a shield of protection to guard against the enemy's attacks" - P. Shirer.

It was 3 days before I taught on faith that my sweet monkey boy Ezra decided a nickel looked tasty to eat. With a nickel lodged in his throat, we drove him the ER and waited for 4 hours. I held him through the night as they admitted us, as that was the only time he would really rest. I waited the next morning as doctors changed shifts and no one could fit the surgery into his schedule. I clung to him with tears trickling down my face, out of fear and sheer exhaustion, and listened to the surgeon explain the risks. I handed him over to the nurse so they could anesthetize him.

In that awful, scary moment, I felt God speak to me about faith.

I could have walked around the entire hospital or called everyone in my phone and told them how fantastic the doctors were. I could have gotten on the speaker system and lauded their abilities. I could have talked myself hoarse about my belief in their knowledge and education.

But if in that moment, I chose not to hand my son over to them, I never really believed in them at all. My faith in the doctor and nurses was proven when I gave them my son.

I knew that I needed to hand Ezra over to them because their abilities to help him far exceeded anything that I could do.

They said the nickel had to come out, so I believed them.
They said they had to put him under to get it, so I let them.
They said I couldn't go with him, so I had to let him go.

So it is with God. If we never hand our mess over to Him to deal with and allow Him to work out what needs to be worked out in our lives, do we really trust Him? Do we really believe Him? Do we really have the faith in Him that we profess?

Paul chose to describe faith as a shield. Shields are meant to protect us and act as a covering for us. That begs the question, what is faith meant to protect us from?

Paul says faith protects us from flaming arrows.

"In addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one" - Ephesians 6:16

You might be thinking, "Phew. It's been awhile since I've seen a flaming arrow."

It was revelatory to me when Priscilla Shirer pointed out that in Roman times, flaming arrows were not necessarily meant to take out an enemy. When someone was shooting a flaming arrow, it was meant to be a distraction from the real battle at hand. The intent was to get the other side so busy putting out those fires that they were disabled from fighting and vulnerable to attack.

Your enemy wants to distract you from the real battle. He wants to take your attention away from his strategy of war and he's relentless in the ways he will use to do it.

So, what's distracting you?

Arrows of condemnation? "You're always going to struggle with that sin and shame"
Jealousy? "You'll never be as pretty or talented as she is"
Insecurity? "Nobody wants you and you have nothing to offer"
Worry? "You're going to be sucked under that mess"
Sadness? "There's something wrong with you"
Doubt? "God doesn't love you, He just puts up with you"

There's a weapon for that.

This is where faith goes to work. As Shirer says, "We need to give our faith a job". Faith extinguishes flaming arrows, we are told.

Holding up the shield of faith renders Satan powerless. Trusting God is who He says He is and will do what He promised to do protects you from every single flaming arrow that Satan wants to use to distract you.

"If you want to see insecurity quelled, doubts suppressed, fears quieted, hate overpowered, or intimidation assuaged, move forward in obedience. In faith" - Shirer

Condemnation tries to get us to look at our sin. Jealousy tries to get us to look at others. Insecurity tries to get us to look at ourselves and all we lack. Worry tries to get us to look at our circumstances.

Faith looks at God. Faith sees His power and His goodness and His overcoming love for us.

And that's what makes us able to step out in action.

"If you are struggling to move forward in obedience to God, you do not need bigger faith. You just need to realize how big your God is. The more faithful and strong you believe Him to be, the more wiling you will be to depend on Him. Your level of faith will always be tied to your perception of God...you don't need more faith; you need a more comprehensive and accurate view of the faithfulness of your God" - Shirer

Rejoice, dear friends! Our shield of faith means that there is nothing with which Satan can come at us. Faith shields, protects, covers us - every day, every situation.

Peace as Shoes - Armor of God

The moment that I walked in the door after teaching on righteousness, my husband told me some information that immediately began attacking my peace. It was a financial issue, which is a common anxiety-inducer in my life.

I felt the familiar pangs of panic begin to tighten in my chest.

He was stressed out, I could see it. The good news is that when he gets stressed out, I know that there is no room for me to do the same.

I took a deep breath and assessed the situation for what it was: an excellent opportunity for me to walk in the shoes of peace for the next week before I taught on them.

Bring it on.

Most women get really excited to learn about peace. Whether one struggles with anxiety, worry,
discontentment, relational problems, or something else entirely, most every one can admit that she desires more peace in her life.

Right here, at the beginning, I need to say that peace is not a magic potion. It does not descend upon one's life like a fluffy, comforting cloud.

When I went through this study the first time, my teacher and friend, Heather, pointed out that peace is the one fruit of the spirit that cannot be conjured up. A person cannot will herself to peace. That stuck with me because I have tried, so incredibly hard, to make myself have peace. Nothing works.

Except...

In John 14:27, we see that Jesus bequeaths his peace to us; peace is already ours, but it does have to be fought for. There are a hundred things that can happen each day that could try to dislodge peace in our lives. Our circumstances constantly try to shake us. But we need to have the steady well of peace within us if we want to be able to bring peace to the circumstances around us.

"True peace is best detected and measured against the backdrop of commotion and confusion - when instability abounds, yet you remain steadfast; when disappointment and confusion are near, yet you're still capable of walking with Spirit-infused confidence, stability, and steadiness" - Priscilla Shirer

Shirer presents the specific type of shoes that Paul was talking about when he assigned peace to shoes. They were designed for battle and helped the soldiers to be effective on different types of terrain. These shoes had nail-like spikes that protruded from the bottom and allowed for firm grip while in battle.

They were meant to provide protection in the midst of the fight. These were not your mama's bunny slippers.

Paul wanted us to see that peace is meant to protect us from the crazy swirling around us.

While I had been nervous to teach on righteousness, I felt fairly confident teaching on peace. I educate myself on the subject of peace on a regular basis, because I need it. I've talked about my struggles with anxiety on this forum frequently. There's not a lot I need to rehash. The bulleted version is this:
*I've been prone to anxiety all my life
*I fell in a deep hole of it a few years ago
*God gave me wisdom to dig out
*I need to continue to be vigilant with peace to not get sucked back under the waves when they roar

The very cool thing is that the tools that I learned years ago to help dig out of my anxiety hole are extremely similar to what Priscilla Shirer teaches when instructing on the shoes of peace. This is not coincidence, it is solid truth and it's effective and powerful.

There are tested strategies that we can use to lock peace into place in our lives.

1. Peace is a matter of focus.
Circumstances that destroy our peace are empowered when we focus on ourselves. Self-focus is rich soil for things like anxiety and discontentment to grow quickly. The bad news is that we are naturally self-focused, but the great news is that we can do something about it.

With intention, we turn our eyes to God through worship. Worship restores our perspective because it reminds us of how powerful and beautiful God is. With intention, we turn our eyes to others through service. We ask what we can do to make someone else's day easier and how we can lighten someone else's load. We become reminded of how this world is not about us, and our comfort and happiness are minuscule matters in the scheme of things.

2. Peace is a matter of gratitude
When we choose to be thankful for all that God has already done and all that He is constantly doing for us, it is a consistent reminder that He is good and faithful. It starts with big things and then you will begin to feel a small amount of peace trickle in: God, thank you for the ones I love. Thank you for a job that provides. Thank you for a home as shelter.

The more you practice thankfulness, you start noticing smaller, more detailed things, but you feel it all in a bigger way: God, thank you that the sunrise this morning was perfectly timed so I could see it out my window as I got ready. The colors were really beautiful. God, thank you for that smile that my child gave me today. I could tell in that moment that he was feeling nothing but pure joy. God, thank you that my friend sent me that text that showed she was thinking of me. I needed that so badly.

Practicing gratitude opens our eyes to how constantly God is loving and caring for us. Peace floods in at this realization.

Shirer gives this equation: Trust fuels thanksgiving. Thanksgiving activates peace. I love this because it helps me remember that peace is already inside me, I just need to press the start button by giving thanks.

3. Peace is a matter of motion
We cannot hide from anxiety. We cannot run away from discontentment. These are temporary, ineffective ways of dealing with major heart issues. We must keep our feet moving in a forward direction to experience a lasting solution. We have to take that next step, fighting off the emotions that wish to strangle us in place.

When King David was fleeing from his son, Absalom, who was trying to usurp his throne, he wrote Psalms 3:3-5: "O Lord, look how my enemies have increased! Many are attacking me. Many are saying about me, 'Even with God (on his side), he won't be victorious'. But you, O Lord, are a shield that surrounds me. You are my glory. You hold my head high. I call aloud to the Lord, and he answers me from his holy mountain. I lie down and sleep. I wake up again because the Lord continues to support me."
David's safety and identity are both being threatened as he writes; you can feel his emotions trying to overtake him. In one of the best sermons I've ever heard on anxiety, Timothy Keller points out that the shield described in this verse was a specific type of shield that covered the front and top portion of a soldier. It was extremely effective in protecting those who moved forward in battle. However, if that soldier turned and ran, he was completely vulnerable to attack because his back was exposed. This is such a stellar illustration of how God's protection works best for us when we continue in motion. When we retreat and give up territory, our problems with anxiety and discontentment do not go away. They actually gain the territory in our lives that we have relinquished. We have not won when we run; we have only delayed our defeat for awhile.

When I mentioned above about our financial issue, it sounds like I handled it so maturely. Please understand, it sounds so simplified in a blog like this. That night, my mind still tried to jump to those worst case scenarios. My stomach still tightened with anxiety. My heart still started racing.

I still struggled.

But I immediately chose to see the attack on my peace as a gift in disguise. It took a few days for my mind, stomach, and heart to catch up with that decision. But they did catch up. Days later, I was walking in full confidence, knowing that the financial situation would be solved, one way or another. I didn't think this because I had any reasonable evidence for it. Rather, I believed it because I had chosen to fix my eyes on God instead of my situation. I worshiped Him and thanked Him for the response to my prayers before I saw it. I was not paralyzed in fear, but moved forward in the situation through prayer and fasting. The peace that was in the deep well within me expanded and overflowed into the circumstances around me. And?

And the situation resolved. Completely, and then some.

Having the power to choose where we fix our eyes is a powerful gift that God gives us. He could control our minds into peace if He so desired.

However, authentic relationship with us matters too much to Him. He wants us to trust Him because He's sovereign and loves us. He wants us to thank Him because He is good and takes care of us. He wants us to have His peace, that's why He gave it to us.

We just need to activate it.

Right Living as a Breastplate - Armor of God

I was so nervous to teach on righteousness (i.e. right living) that I spent one week simply studying any resource I could. I felt totally out of my element and did not want to give confusing or false information. I spent one week after that simply compiling and organizing everything that I was learning and how I could best teach the information.

Righteousness is so straightforward it becomes complicated. At least, that's how it felt to me.

The Armor of God study presents 4 different kinds of righteousness:
1. Perfect - "I am righteous because I do everything perfectly and make no mistakes." We are not perfect people, so this is an unattainable view of being righteous.
2. Comparative - "At least I'm doing better than her". Or, "If I could be like that I might be righteous". This righteousness either falsely puffs us up or tears us down. Our eyes are not to be on other people to determine our right-ness or wrong-ness; our eyes are to be on Christ alone.
3. Imputed - Now we're getting somewhere. This righteousness is final and absolute. We are righteous not because of ourselves, but because Christ died for us and bore the brunt of our sin. We did nothing to earn it; it is complete and fulfilled in the broken body of Jesus.

"When God looks at you now, He no longer sees your humanity, your frailty, your sin...your unrighteousness. He sees you through the blood-stained filter of His own Son, the perfect Lamb of God. You no longer need to exhaust yourself striving for perfection. You are already completely, wholly, and perfectly righteous because of Christ's gift to you. Perfect righteousness discourages you. Comparative righteousness deceives you. Imputed righteousness defines you and declares you innocent before all accusers." - P. Shirer

So if imputed righteousness is so complete, what's the fourth kind of righteousness?

4. Practical righteousness is the right living that we choose. It's doing away with the things that are not right for us as children of God and living in obedience. Not because we have to. Not because it's what's expected. But because He is so beautiful and trustworthy and kind, that we know obeying Him is only for our good.

"We put on the breastplate of righteousness by making a conscious decision and a firm, consistent resolve to 'cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light' (Romans 13:12, ESV). When you choose practical righteousness, you place a blockade between the enemy and the area of your life he most commonly targets - your heart" - P. Shirer

It is essential that learning about righteousness follows learning about truth, as they have a vital relationship. Priscilla Shirer makes a great analogy, comparing truth to railroad tracks, with righteousness being the train of our behavior that rides upon them and is guided by them.

Choosing righteousness, choosing obedience can feel like a heavy burden at times. But knowing the truth is meant to bear some of the weight of that. For a Roman soldier, the breastplate actually hooked into the belt. Then that sturdy, stable belt would help support the weight of the heavy breastplate.

"Satan's biggest goal is to lie to you so that your life will lie to others about who God is." - Jennie Allen

Our lives, at all times, testify to others about God. That is exactly why we have to know the truth, so we can walk in it by choosing righteousness.

The relationship between truth and right living is strong and essential.

During those weeks of personal study on righteousness, there were three main themes that I found running through every sermon, book, and Bible verse on the topic:

1. Environment matters.
We need to create an environment for right living. It is our responsibility to invest ourselves in environments where God can better shape and mold us. He does this through other believers, where we can be fully known and not hide. God loves to use us in each other's lives to chisel away the stuff that doesn't look like Him.
Hebrews 10:24-25 - "And let us be concerned about one another in order to promote love and good works, not staying away from our worship meetings, as some habitually do, but encouraging each other, and all the more as you see the day drawing near."
1 John 1:7 - ""But if we walk in the light as He Himself is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin."
"When I'm around people who take holiness seriously, I will take holiness more seriously. I will be stirred up to consider holiness more, and when I'm around people who don't, I have a tendency to not." - Matt Chandler

2. Righteousness is NOT behavior management, it's a matter of the heart.
In the Old Testament, we see God's people motivated by external factors, i.e., the 10 Commandments. Those commands were their basis for life and held them accountable for their choices.
But in the New Testament, we see God's true desire for us. He wants us to be motivated by internal factors, through our heart and our love for Him. Matthew 5:21-30 lays this out beautifully for us, as Jesus teaches us that it's not about the action, but the heart. The Old Testament tells us do not murder, the New Testament tells us that anger begins in the heart. What was "Do not commit adultery" is now "Everyone who looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
God does not want our obedience because we are afraid of the repercussions if we falter. He wants our obedience and right living to flow from a place of absolute love for him.
"One believes with the heart, resulting in righteousness, and one confesses with the mouth, resulting in salvation." - Romans 10:10

3. God does NOT NEED our righteousness.
He's God. He can do what He needs to do with or without us. Yet He loves to use us because it builds relationship with Him. He asks right living of us for two specific reasons: our benefit and the benefit of those who don't yet know Him.

Righteousness benefits us. Romans 4:7-8 tells us that it brings us JOY. Romans 5:1-2 says it brings us PEACE. Romans 14:17 says that the kingdom of God is righteousness, peace, and joy. When we choose right living, it does not constrict us or enslave us. It makes our lives more full!! That's the beauty of God's plan for us.

Righteousness benefits others who do not yet know God. We teach daily with our lives what we believe about God. Living our lives with peace and joy overflowing shouts to others about the God we serve. They will more readily believe He can be trusted because they have watched us trusting Him and His faithfulness to us. They will be more eager to love Him because they see the fullness of His love alive in us as we treat others with kindness and gentleness.
2 Corinthians 5:18-21 - "Everything is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: That is, in Christ, God was reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed the message of reconciliation to us. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, certain that God is appealing through us. We plead on Christ's behalf, "Be reconciled to God'. He made the One who did not know sin to be sin for us, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him."

To be honest, even after studying and teaching on righteousness, I still can get a little lost in the plethora of information. So for me, it's best to keep it as simple as possible in my mind:

Live what I believe about God.

I believe that He is absolutely good, so I can worship Him in spirit and truth.
I believe that He loves me, so the opinions of others matter less to me.
I believe that He takes care of me, so I need not be concerned about anything I lack.
I believe that He is sovereign, so I do not need to worry about what I can and cannot control.
I believe that He sent His Son to die for me, so my sins are covered and I will be with Him in heaven.

I live saved, cared for, and loved. This gives me peace and joy and protects my heart from being skewered by this crazy world.

Truth is a Belt - Armor of God

Numerous Biblical passages reveal Satan as the great deceiver: John 8:44, Revelation 20:10, Revelation 12:9.

He's a fabulous deceiver because he is so cunning. He takes a small piece of truth and twists it and contorts it until it is looks nothing like that initial, small morsel of truth. Satan knows that if he were to come at us with a blatant lie, we would readily recognize it and call him out on it.

For example, he can't come at us and say, "God doesn't love you." We know better than that; we have seen God's love and felt it in every fiber of our beings.

Instead he whispers: "God wants better for you". That's truth, right? We can accept that and let it enter into our minds. But it quickly twists: "I'm not doing enough...if I'm not doing enough, I'm not good enough...If i'm not good enough, God can't possibly use me...if God can't use me, He probably isn't pleased with me...if God isn't please with me, God doesn't love me."

One small truth that spirals out of control, and Satan has us believing lies. It's the same lie that he wanted us to believe, brought about in a way that makes more sense.

We are far too logical sometimes. Satan tries to get us trusting ourselves: what our eyes see, what our emotions tell us. The way he so cleverly presents information to us, it seems right. And that is why it is essential that we stay grounded in absolute truth. "Truth is never at the mercy of facts. Facts say I'm lonely or afraid. Truth says He will never leave me or forsake me" - Damon Thompson.

Thank goodness for truth! It is God's weapon that we can use against Satan's lies. I love how Priscilla Shirer defines truth as "God's opinion on any matter".

Shirer goes into fascinating detail on why Paul chose a belt as the item of armor to represent truth. Essentially, Roman soldiers would put on the belt before they put on any other piece of armor. The belt strengthened the core, and helped to alleviate the weight of some of the other pieces. It could also have the tunic tucked up into it, providing greater freedom of movement as it was needed.

In other words, the belt provided stability, support, and freedom. Truth does the same for us.

"With the standard of truth in place, you can adjust everything else in your life - your ambitions, choices, and feelings; your mind, will, and emotions - until all of it is "tuned" correctly. When you have a strong, stable, well-supported core, you can't easily be led astray by the enemy's clever lies" - P. Shirer

Truth gives us stability and support when the pressures of life get strong. It becomes our core support from which everything else branches. The trick is that we have to know the truth in order to be able to recognize the lies. We have to read the Word!! When Satan tempted Jesus in the desert, Jesus did not waste time reasoning with Satan, nor did he entertain his words for a moment. He knew the truth too well, and he wielded it precisely and effectively. He said no more, no less than the words of truth (Matthew 4).

One of the craziest parts of this summer for me has been the fact that I have had to actively use the weapons that I was preparing to teach.

The week that I was preparing to teach on truth, I was faced with a litany of lies. These lies came at me regarding some of the relationships that I most treasure. Circumstances made it seem as though I was rejected, unwanted, disregarded. My circumstances conspired with my emotions and twisted me into knots. I walked around in tears for days, letting myself be called Unloved and Unwanted.

"Satan's strategy against you is clever. He plans to zero in on your deepest insecurities and desires with the intention of showing you how you can bypass God to meet every single one." - P. Shirer

Then I remembered my weapon. I called upon truth. I marinated on the Word and I allowed truth to act as my anchor; it centered me in the middle of a raging storm. Truth calmed me down and allowed me to recognize the lie. Because I was calm, I could better communicate the hurt to those relationships that mean so much to me.

Understanding rushed in. Healing began.

Truth won. I had to know it, I had to call upon it, I had to lean on it. It is sturdy enough to stand on.

Truth is stability in a world of crazy. Truth is help in a storm of pain.

Big Old, Bright Red Target - Armor of God Intro

I knew I was asking for it.

I knew that if I took the necessary steps to teach this Bible study, it would be drawing a target on my back. I knew that God would want to walk me through what I was teaching before I got up in front of His precious women and acted like I knew what I was talking about. I knew that the information from the Bible study could change lives.

So I fought it for a few weeks. I bided my time. And then, finally, I allowed the big old, bright red target to be drawn on my back. I asked for it.

I signed on to teach the Armor of God study by Priscilla Shirer at my church. It has been a fabulous, difficult summer of learning and teaching! But I am not stopping there, no. I feel as though I am also supposed to write about the things that I learned and taught throughout this summer. God has seen me through so much. He's incredibly faithful. Maybe there is someone who could not attend the class but will read these words so that the powerful truth from this study can continue impacting and changing lives.

That's my hope, anyway.

Being more timid by nature, I tend to like to fly under the radar. But I have learned over time that that tactic absolutely does not work. Somehow, some way, I still get targeted; perhaps you feel the same? We may as well embrace it and wield the tools that can help us to battle.

My pastor gave a sermon a few weeks ago on the things that get under our skin and fire us up with a holy passion. That resonated with me because something immediately jumped to my mind that made it personal: I get passionately worked up when I hear of women who struggle with anxiety and depression.

The numbers are staggering, and they make me angry. And that, essentially, is why I chose to teach about the armor of God. Because there is a specific plan for battle, and victory is ours. We just need to live it.

Since Eve, the enemy has relished targeting women. I believe that the enemy loves to target women through our tender spots: our emotions and relationships.

Maybe you struggle with fearful thoughts and imagining worst case scenarios.
Maybe you are tired from fighting off thoughts of sadness and hopelessness.
Maybe you feel sick about how you cannot keep your temper and emotions under control.
Maybe you feel like a relational leper because you cannot seem to love others in healthy ways.
Maybe you let people walk all over you and have never felt loved in a way that feeds your soul.
Maybe you feel tied up in knots because of a fight that never seems to resolve.

Many days we feel like we're losing the battle. But it doesn't have to be that way.

In God's hands, our emotions and gift for relationship, the things that Satan wants to use to bring us down, can become strengths. 

Yet, in order to win the battle, we must first suit up.

Ephesians 6:10-18:
"Finally, receive your power from the Lord and from his mighty strength. Put on all the armor that God supplies. In this way you can take a stand against the devil's strategies. This is not a wrestling match against a human opponent. We are wrestling with rulers, authorities, the powers who govern this world of darkness, and spiritual forces that control evil in the heavenly world. For this reason, take up all the armor that God supplies. Then you will be able to take a stand during these evil days. Once you have overcome all obstacles, you will be able to stand your ground. So then, take your stand! Fasten truth around your waist like a belt. Put on God's approval as your breastplate. Put on your shoes so that you are ready to spread the Good News that gives peace. In addition to all these, take the Christian faith as your shield. With it you can put out all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Also take salvation as your helmet and the word of God as the sword that the Spirit supplies. Pray in the Spirit in every situation. Use every kind of prayer and request there is. For the same reason be alert. Use every kind of effort and make every kind of request for all of God's people".