Creeper Mom

One of the 9,756,283 things that I love about my son is how I can stare at him when he is in my arms, or when we are just in close proximity to each other, and he could care less.

He doesn't try to push my face away. He doesn't avert his own face. He doesn't even blush with the rush of attention that is upon him.

Therefore, I can gaze at him lovingly all I want. And I do. I'm such a creeper.

And today as I am doing this and already dreading the day when he pushes me away (because let's be honest, it will come), I start thinking about what it is that makes us desire to push a look of love away.

It is a part of growing older. It is a rising self-consciousness. It is a heightened awareness of what is unfolding around us at any given point in time.

My favorite grad school professor said once that he loved it when his kids started saying the word "No!" because it showed that they were developing their own identity and stepping into it.

I wonder if pushing those loving looks away is a part of stepping into our own identity.

We all want our personal space after all. What's mine is MINE!

What I start to wonder though is what would happen if we surrendered that personal space to our Heavenly Father?

What if we didn't need to keep a protective bubble around ourselves?

What if we could just allow Him near and let Him lovingly gaze at us?

What if trying so hard to fight to be ourselves, we enter into being His and know that that's enough?

I think it would be easier to attain that "faith like a child" that Jesus talks about in Luke 18:17.
I think it would be easier to trust Him and His everlasting, powerful, abiding love for us.
I think it would be easier to hear His heartbeat as we allow Him near.

Yeah. That sounds good to me.

Beautiful Ashes

This past Sunday morning, I was doing my weekly exercise of "chase Finn around the church as he explores".

He wandered into the gym where kid's church is held. As he continued his exploration, I got to listen to a bit of the message. Pastor Jeff was holding up two cards, one that read "YES" and one that read "NO". As per most children's pastors, he spent some time teasing the kids, asking them if they could read what was printed on the "YES" card. When they would respond with a resounding "Yes!", he would playfully ask what the word was. Again, "Yes!" was screamed and Pastor Jeff would act befuddled and it went round and round like this for awhile. It was a rousing round of "Who's On First" for the elementary masses.

It didn't take too long, however, for several of the kids to catch on. There were a rebel few who began to see through Pastor Jeff's gamely charade and would shout, "No!" to everyone else's "Yes!". They were ahead of the crowd and chose a contrary way of proving that they had the game figured out.

And I just laughed to myself there in the back of the gym. Those contrary ones who catch on so quickly and go against the grain don't always make things easy on figures of authority. They've got it all figured out and are bent on proving it.

But then it also hit me how those contrary ones are trailblazers and quite possibly the future leaders of the rest of us. They are the ones who aren't content with the norm and they strive to be heard, to make a difference.

It all just started me thinking how God uses those sometimes "unappealing to others" aspects of our personalities to bring about His will. He truly turns ashes into beauty as we surrender the ashes to Him.

It makes me think of how I have heard that my husband was as a child: boundlessly energetic, fearless, adventurous........in a word, tiring :).

To see how God has taken all of those qualities and molded them for His purpose is lovely: Matt is an anointed worship leader whose energy and passion inspire those around him.

I was blessed to do a human video yesterday in church that I created when I was 17 years old. From the time that I was a pre-teen, I would create "dances" in my room to various songs (many of which were sung by Amy Grant). Since I was never much of a dancer, these dances were really just random movements set to the music......a pre-cursor for the human videos I would someday create. What my siblings would have called annoying and amateurish and hilarious (not in the good way), God turned to use for good. And it just amazes me that God is able to use the kicks and flicks that I set to music to speak to people and give Him glory.

 For those who did not grow up in an A/G church and don't know what a human video is - you are missing out!! Here is one of my favorites for a visual:

Essentially, human video = drama set to music

It can be so easy for us to be hyper-critical of ourselves and the character flaws that we feel that we possess. But when we view things from God's perspective, we are able to see the beauty shining through the ashes.

Ring Reminder

This post is momentous for me because it is #100.

Woohoo! Who would have thought that I would have so much to say? :)

This past week Matt has been gone as a counselor at senior high camp. In his absence, I found myself coping with it in a few different ways:

- I stayed busy and surrounded by friends and family
- I took lots of pictures to document our week so that it wouldn't feel like Matt missed anything
- I hardly took my wedding ring off at all

Admittedly, leaving my wedding ring on all week doesn't seem like that big of a deal. But usually I take it off right when I enter the house, right along with my shoes. Matt and I have both done this since we got married - we walk in the door, take off adornments, and put on comfies :). Yes, we are an old married couple!

However, this week, I felt myself drawn to my ring in his absence. I showered with it on, slept with it on, exercised with it on. Without his presence there to consistently remind me of his love for me (we couldn't really talk throughout the week either), I found a sort of solace in the ring that he gave me.

My ring serves as a reminder of the promise that Matt gave me. In his absence, I could recall that promise by wearing and looking at the ring. I knew that there was someone out there that loved me, even if I couldn't see him or talk to him.

Yesterday as I was contemplating the comfort I found in doing this, I thought about God's promises to us which are provided in His Word. While we may not always utilize them as we should and "leave them off in the comfort of our own home" like Matt and I do with our rings, they are still there in our loneliness, desperation, and need.

The promises remain, even in physical absence. And they are reminders of the ultimate love.

Dear Daddy - On a Friday

Dear Daddy: 

You come home today! I am SO excited to see you and give you the biggest squeeze ever!

For breakfast, Mommy let me eat yogurt ALL by myself! Yeah, I owned that yogurt. 

We went to the zoo with the Duffys and Stahlbergs! We got a special treat and got to see the cheetahs let out of their house - the zookeeper said that doesn't happen to often!

Here I am with MaKenzie, Blake, Logan and Emily. Aren't we, like, the cutest kids ever?

Here is Mommy with some of her bestest friends in the whole world!

This is what we did after nap...we were funning out of things to do!

This is the #1 sign that I missed you this week. I got these out all by myself!

Mommy tried desperately to get a picture of the two of us, but I would rather give her kisses!

I would also rather touch the camera with my finger...

I finally cooperated, but I didn't have to be happy about it. We are coming to get you so soon!

I am finally reunited with my daddy! "Hey, I know that guy!"

I love you, Daddy! I am so happy you are home!

Dear Daddy - On a Thursday

Dear Daddy: 

Last night we spent the night at the Duffy home. It was super fun to play with them all! It was so much fun in fact, that I woke up several times in the middle of the night hoping that the party would still be going on! Mommy assured me that it wasn't...

This is what I did with part of my breakfast. It tastes JUST as good! Crazy, right?

Here I am trying to use the Diet Coke as skis....I just needed Mommy's help to get down.

This morning we met some friends at the spray park. It was pretty fun, Daddy, but it took me awhile to acclimate (yep, I know what acclimate means)!

Here I am getting a little closer to the water...

Finally I got more comfortable....but I was just as happy eating my lunch and watching all the other kids run through the water. Maybe you can come with sometime, Daddy, and run through the water with me?

After nap I got a special surprise! Mommy and I went to Target and guess who was there?! Uncle Nate and Auntie Ann!!! It was so fun to see them! Here I am smiling at Auntie Ann!

Then Mommy and I met Mummy True at the mall for walking and dinner. We ate at Applebees and I was a monkey boy ALL over the place! But once I had ketchup, I was good. Here I am trying to decide what to order. Big boy choices. 

I also got to climb around in the train at the mall. I thought that made me pretty big!

We also got B&G tonight and I got my VERY first  ice cream cone ALL to myself. 

It was awesome. 

Really awesome. 

Super awesome.

I always give hugs to those who buy me ice cream!

It was an ice cream explosion!

Explosion clean up :). 

I sure do love you, Daddy! I cannot wait to see you tomorrow night and give you the biggest squeeze ever! We can't wait to hear all of your fun stories and just be with you again!

Loving and missing you, 

Pinnster

Dear Daddy - On a Wednesday

Dear Daddy:

I gotta be honest with you, Dad, I was kind of cranky this morning. As hard as I tried to not cry and whine, I just seemed to do it anyway! I think maybe it means I am missing you. 

I had eggs and toast for breakfast. Yum yum!!

After breakfast, we played outside for a bit. At first I thought that Mommy putting me in my favorite shopping cart would be fun......but by the end, I was pretty much over it. 

Mommy took me for a walk in my wagon again today, but it wasn't very long because it was SO hot out! While Mommy cleaned out Emilio, I had fun climbing through the car! 

I got pretty captivated by putting change into the old snack container Mommy found!

After naptime, we went over to Mommy's best friend's house. It was awesome! There were ALL kinds of kids to play with, plus a pool and really cool play set with a slide! I went down it all by myself! Here I am playing peekaboo with Josiah. I'm gonna miss him. 

I had lots of fun playing with the Duffy kids and toys. Here I am pushing stuff with Blake and Kenzie!

I like that Blake kid, Dad. He makes me laugh!

Here's Mommy with her BFF. I don't know if you can tell just by looking at this picture, but she misses you, Daddy. We can't wait to see you soon!

Love, love, love, 

Pinny Matt

Dear Daddy - On a Tuesday

Dear Daddy:

Today I decided to give mommy an extra special treat and slept until 9 a.m.!!! Can you believe it? It was perty awesome. 

Breakfast was the best ever - Mummy True's caramel rolls! I even ate a little bit of apple with them. Mommy kept eating caramel off of my roll, but I didn't care too much, 'cuz I love her. 

After breakfast, we had to say goodbye to Aunt Kiki and my cousins. I kept trying to climb up in the car while the door was open because it kind of looked like one big party! 

Mummy True even chased the car a ways down the street. Mommy and Mummy True cried a little, but I kept moving so it kept them on their toes!

We came home for a bit and went on a walk. I got in my wagon all by myself! Here I am trying to give Mommy a hint. 

Yay! Mommy got the hint! She's a pretty smart lady. 

For lunch I had a grilled cheese sandwich, but I kept taking it apart and eating the cheese by itself. That's hilarious, huh?!!

For dinner we met Mommy's friend Christina at the mall. Christina has this daughter named Avy and....Daddy? She's pretty cute. 

Here I am with Mommy! We had our favorite meal - pizza!!! After the mall you called on Skype and it was the best surprise ever! It was so, so good to see your face. 

Thanks for making time for us, Daddy!

Tonight I played outside at Mummy True's with Mommy. My truck had some big rocks to haul!

Here I am swinging with Mummy True. It was SUCH a pretty night and I love to swing!

Then Mummy True was pruning her flowers and I used a couple of them as drum sticks. 

Whaaa?! Of course I did!

We miss you so, Daddy. You are loved, loved, loved!!