'Bout Time, Summer

I love summer! I am done with classes and can take a deep breath and just enjoy these next few months before things get really crazy next fall.

I get to spend all day every day with the sweetest, funniest boy I know.

My bestest friends are almost freed from the bonds of teaching for the summer, hence hangout time - zoos, parks, playdates.

My sister and her boys come in a couple weeks for a glorious month of relentless family bonding - and I mean that in the best possible way.

My husband and I are starting a small group for young adults which I am SO excited about.

Plus, I am actually enjoying running. Today as I rolled out of bed at 7 a.m., I smiled when I saw that the sun was shining and it was a beautiful morning. I kind of couldn't wait to get out there.

So far, I have run 5 days since last Monday. On Saturday, I wasn't planning to run, but I was feeling cranky and just feeling like I needed to blow off some steam. So I ran, faster than I ever had before, in the wind (unprecedented!), and by the time I got home, I felt almost giddy. Mood swings: meet your match. Her name is running and she's a beast.

Today, I am eager to check off one thing off my to-do list. I get to go to the library and dig for new books to read!!

I love libraries. I get tiny little butterflies when I think about going to one - no joke. Ahhhh.....books. Endless supplies of books.

Even as a little girl I loved libraries. My mom would bring Josh and I there on Saturdays and then we would scatter. I would hole up somewhere in the teen fiction - probably right between The Baby-Sitters Club and Sweet Valley books. Literally planted on the floor, I would have piles around me, trying to decided which ones to check out. After all, my mom always gave us a limit of 7.

If I am being embarrassingly honest, I would still wander to that same section as an adult - back when the books were still being written - because I wanted to see what continued to happen to my favorite BSC girls from Stoneybrook. Were they still perpetually 13? Would they ever graduate to high school? How many times exactly could they re-live 8th grade?

So that's my agenda today. And it's fantastic.

Ahhhhhhh, summer.

On an equally sunny summer note, this past Friday was a big day for my husband - a day that he has been waiting a good year for. In many ways, I think he has been waiting most of his life for this day.

It was Avengers day.

As a little boy growing up, Matt devoured comic books and the escapism fantasy that they offered. Even now as a grown man, he can still get lost in the intricate back stories and superpowers of his favorite characters.

So Friday came. Matt had arranged for his mom to come to town and sit with Finn so that we could go together. I got a t-shirt for the occasion.

We got to the movie early and sat about halfway up the stadium seating. After a couple minutes, Matt decided it was a little too close, so we moved back to a more ideal spot in the last, top row.

As the movie time creeped closer, Matt started wringing his hands and shifting in his seat. We both took well planned bathroom breaks. In the couple minutes before, Matt actually began muttering, "Just start!" under his breath.

The next 2 hours and 20 minutes passed in splendid fashion. It was a truly great movie, and that's coming from someone who is still a comic book newbie.

The moral of the story is that my husband is cute. And summer is here! Bask! Enjoy!

Cookie Success of 2012

I have not been shy or negligent in admitting to my supreme lack of baking skills. I can account for that with many excuses, all of them leading up to the simple truth that I simply never learned.

When I shared my last cookie baking experience, the mistake made seemed to have been one of two things:
1) I used "melted" butter rather than "softened" butter
2) I greased the pan when it said not to (whoever heard of NOT greasing the pan??)

Anyway, all of that to say that the other day, I try tried again. I channeled the little engine that could: "I think I can. I think I can. I think I can."

I righted my wrongs. And these were the results:

Suffice it to say, I was pleased. And so was my husband, who has stated on numerous occasions that they are delicious. I know he is an encouraging person, but we are talking NUMEROUS times here!!!

I was so encouraged by this recent outing, that the very next morning I woke up early and baked these:

Blueberry muffins? Oh.....................yes. 

 Thinking about liking it...

You want some, mom? 

Finger lickin' good

Two successes in a row? Maybe I will be a baking housewife yet :). 

Galentine's Day

Galentine's Day Gifts

It is Galentine's Day today! For those who don't watch "Parks and Rec", it is the day before Valentine's Day that is set aside to celebrate the female friendships that help to keep one sane :).

It hit me as I was trying to process my birthday retrospectively, that one of the reasons that I was so disappointed was because it was all a verification of a gnawing sense of loneliness that I had been feeling lately.

Since I like to evaluate and psychoanalyze every single emotion that I have, I started picking apart why I was "all of a sudden"............lonely. Without going into too many gritty details, I think that it ultimately comes down to the fact that I have spent the last few years investing heavily into my relationship with Matt and, this last year, Finn. My whole life circled around my boys. It was wonderful. And I don't regret a single moment; I truly believe that is what God wanted me to be doing.

But I believe that I am now coming to the surface a little bit and realizing that I have fallen short when it comes to my sustaining my friendships. My strongest friendships are still strong. My friends are still my friends. But there is a longing for female relationship in me that has not been met over the last couple of years.

During this past week, I have reflected a bit on times in my past when I have felt lonely like this. Two times spring to mind: Alaska and Arkansas.

When I spent a semester in Alaska, separated from my college support system and longing for friendship. And when I moved down to Arkansas and had to start over entirely.

I look back at those times, and while they were extremely difficult at the time to go through and I spent more than one night crying into my pillow, in retrospection I can see the amazing things that God brought out of those lonely times. And He didn't leave me lonely for long.

Therefore, although I feel pangs of loneliness now, I am believing fully that God will bring good out of it.

So this day, this Galentine's Day, I am celebrating the female relationships in my life that I am grateful for. And I am eager with expectation for what God will bring forth from this season!

Pretentious Manure

"Daddy always said an ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure." (Steel Magnolias)

Last night in class, our professor asked us to do something very simple: write down our favorite book/movie/tv show. The purpose of this would be to highlight what we value and find meaningful through these things.

Immediately, in terms of books, two things pop in my head: "Les Miserables" and "Anne of Green Gables". Which to choose to share with the class? I truly did love "Les Miserables" when I read it - the message of transformation through an act of mercy is inspiring. But honestly? I haven't read it since. The thought of reading it again actually overwhelms me!

Then again, I have read "Anne of Green Gables" a hundred bajillion times. It is easy and enjoyable to read and it is dreamy, intelligent, romantic, idealized comfort food to me. I want to live on Prince Edward Island on a lush, green farm. Growing up, I always said that I wanted to marry Gilbert Blythe.

But of course, I say "Les Miserables" to my classmates. I give the pretentious answer. These classmates don't know me very well. To most of them, I am the quiet, older girl who isn't in the rest of their classes with them. While I long to be friendly with them, I have a hard time breaking the barrier of silence between us - especially because they all know each other so well. I am the outsider.

As the outsider, I have to make a good impression......right? What would they think of me if I tell them that my favorite book is "Anne of Green Gables"? That I admire her tenacity and positivity and ability to make every situation sunnier and lovelier? That I relate to her emotion and passion and dramatic breakdowns?

"There's such a lot of different Annes in me. I sometimes think that is why I'm such a troublesome person. If I was just the one Anne it would be ever so much more comfortable, but then it wouldn't be half so interesting."

But as soon as the words "Les Miserables" pop out of my mouth, I know that I haven't been true to myself - as cheesy as that sounds. After all, the guy right before mentioned a book by John Steinbeck that I had never even heard of before. This is masters level, people! No kiddie books around here!

Hogwash.

Especially since the girls after me state that their favorite tv shows are "One Tree Hill" and "Big Bang Theory".

Suddenly, "Anne of Green Gables"? Not so elementary, my dear Watson.

No more pretense. What is so bad about laying the truth out there - in all of its nerdy little glory?

"I am very careful to be shallow and conventional where depth and originality are wasted."

Embrace the things that you love, because you love them for good reason. They might inspire or ignite something in you; they might be comfortable or relatable; they might be aspirational or downright junk food for your mind.

Who cares?

And who knows? If I had given the honest answer, I may have just found a kindred spirit or two.

"Kindred spirits are not so scarce as I used to think. It's splendid to find out there are so many of them in the world."

Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving

The movie "13 Going on 30" begins with Jennifer Garner's character at 13, desperately wishing to be 30 years old. Her character, Jenna, imagines that 30 is the pinnacle of supreme happiness, which is aided by a magazine article titled "Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving!". She imagines that at 30 she would have a glamorous job, a fabulous wardrobe, and a handsome boyfriend or two. Plus, as a bonus, she would no longer have to stuff her bra.

I remember watching this movie for the first time, thinking that all the things that she desired at 30 were pretty "meh". With 30 as such a big milestone, girls are prone to think about where they would like to be at that time in their lives. And at 30, I knew that all I wanted was to be married, have a child (or 2), and be happy. Except the wardrobe......I could be talked into the fabulous wardrobe  :).

As I hit said milestone this week, I embrace it completely, grateful for the blessings in my life and excited for the future.

I was reading another blog last week that had this idea to write a letter to yourself as a child, addressing some things you regret and wouldn't mind changing. I figured there was no better time than a milestone birthday to look back on my own life and write a letter to the little me.


Dear Little Gretchen,

Be nice to others. Remember that you do not need to be mean to make others like you or think that you are "cool". Always be kind to the girl who doesn't seem like she gets to shower enough and don't join in when your friends start to make fun of another. If you can find the courage, be the one that sticks up for those who can't stick up for themselves.

Always respect your mom. She will sacrifice a lot for you and it is because of her that you will one day be a strong and loving woman.

Your dad may not always love you the way that you wish he would. Love him the best that you can anyway.

Your siblings are some of the most amazing people you will ever know. Enjoy them and don't make them watch all of your dance routines.

Don't tattle on your brother. He deserves your loyalty because he looks out for you.

One day you will meet a girl named Chanelle who will prove to be the best friend you ever have. Try to always be kind to her and put her first, because she will put you first a lot. That is just the kind of person she is.

One day, almost overnight, you are going to turn from an outgoing kid into a shy adolescent. Try to find the courage to talk to others because the more you practice being outgoing - the easier it will become.

You won't always be cute:

You will go through a gangly hair, t-zone troubled, fashion challenged stage in early high school (photo unavailable). But don't feel bad about yourself. Just work what you got.
















Whatever you do, don't start rolling your eyes. It's a terrible habit to break, and it makes you look ridiculous.

When you are 14 years old, you will rededicate your life to God. This will change your life in many ways. Whatever you do, do not become self-righteous about the changes in your heart. This takes away from what Jesus did for you. God wants you to be gracious and merciful like He is; don't make others feel guilty for not having the same convictions that you do. Just love them.

As you grow up, you will face heartache several times. It is okay to hurt at these times. But don't waste too many tears or allow yourself to feel unlovely. There is an incredible guy that rejoices in marrying you one day.

I know you are dramatic, and that is okay. Drama is cool. But sometimes, your troubles just need a good cry, an honest prayer, and a shoulder to cry on......rather than a 5 alarm freak out.

When you turn 30, life is gooooooooooood.

Thank God.

The Family Tree

Ah, November. Welcome, friend!

This day marks the beginning of my favorite time of year: holidays, family, traditions....I get butterflies just thinking of it all!

I have long argued that November 1st is the marker for holiday celebrations. It is now officially not crazy to listen to Christmas music, light my candle that smells like a Christmas tree, and buy egg nog.

Other things that are on my "must list":
- treat myself to a Starbucks holiday drink at least once a week until Christmas (last year I was pregnant and couldn't partake; that makes this year's drinks even more rewarding!)
- make a sad face every time Matt mentions that he really doesn't want to hang up the Christmas lights this year
- begin my annual viewing spree of Christmas movies: every year it seems that there are more to get through so I always have to start earlier
- begin planning Finn's first birthday party
- be on the lookout for these bad boys:

Seriously the best candy ever

- make Matt dinner for breaking our Christmas tree out of the back corner of our storage room. Err, actually, it would probably be nicer to let him make dinner. 

- teach Finn not to touch or climb on said Christmas tree

- begin teaching Finn the reason that we celebrate Christmas

- I suppose I need to fit in studying for my final and writing my self-assessment paper. Bah humbug. 

- spend this season in gratitude for the amazing blessings in my life

Holiday to-do lists are something that Kiki and I started when I was in college as a way of making sure that we fit our hoard of family traditions into the week or two that we were together each season. I tracked down our first one (our best one, really): 

- Drink egg nog and sit by the fire

- Visit family at the farm

- Get into our pajamas at 6 p.m. and don't get back out until 4 p.m. the next day

- Play Catchphrase (until someone gets mad)

- Drive around and look at Christmas lights

- Shop 'til we drop

- Sing Christmas carols while holding hands

- Go to a cheap movie and eat popcorn

- Head stand contest

- Listen to mom play the piano

- Go to Target and see who can buy the most with $5

- Swim suit contest

- Make snow angels for two hours

- Sledding at Tuthill

- Drive by each old house and reminisce on old Christmas memories

- Color Christmas pictures and hang them on the fridge

- Take as long as possible to open our stockings

- Dress Kody in a Santa costume

- Eat lots of junk food and have a pregnant belly contest

- Sleep in Christmas outfits and see whose is most wrinkle-resistant come morning

Mom later added many more sane ideas to our to-do list, including bringing others food, spending time one-on-one with each other, taking turns making dinner, taking walks in the snow underneath the stars, and loving each other by practicing tolerance and patience. She is such a mom :). 

Going back over these lists and memories in my head makes me appreciate my family and our traditions so very much. Maybe that is why I love the Christmas season so much: it is the one time of year when my family comes back together, at least for a little while. Being the youngest, a good chunk of my childhood was lived with my siblings having moved from home and living other places. 

But once a year, they almost certainly come home. Once a year, we are a physical family. 

This song is my new favorite Christmas song by my one of my favorite artists, Dave Barnes. It makes me cry almost every time and long for my family to just be here already.

And wow, I am tearing up as I write and this post just got a whole lot more emotional than I thought it would. Signing off with my good pal DB singing me away.

The Great Cookie Debacle of 2011

Let me begin with a simple question: is there anything easier to bake than chocolate chip cookies?

I became a titch over-zealous last night. Forgetting the fortitude that it takes for me to successfully bake, I decided to make chocolate chip cookies. After all, I was coming off of a really great week.

I found out that I received an "A" on my midterm exam in Appraisal and thereby spent the next couple of days puffing myself up. It felt really good to be slightly overwhelmingly busy, but still manage to get an "A" on a tough midterm.

There wasn't anything I couldn't do! I am woman, hear me roar?

Hence, the over-zealous inclination that baking needed to be done.

But it has to be asked: how exactly does one manage to ruin chocolate chip cookies? The recipe is fairly standard and basic. The instructions are easy to understand and follow. But as far as my baking skills are concerned, the results leave much to be desired.

The first batch became one large cookie conglomerate, as all of the cookies ran together. Additionally, somehow the edges burned and subsequently stuck to the sheet.

First batch - are cookies supposed to be translucent?

The second batch was a fraction better. Now instead of one ginormous, burned-around-the-edges cookie, I had 12 single, burned-around-the-edges cookies. Success? Success-ish. 

The third batch was another fraction better, although still burned. I made Matt promise not to laugh at me; he promised and then thoroughly broke it. Who could blame him? After all, this stuff comes easy to him. 

Keep in mind that the best-looking cookies are at the top

In the midst of my cookie-making debacle, I had the thought that God saw it good for me to be humbled: "Sure, you may get A's on tests, but your cooking leaves much to be desired!" :)

But I have to admit, I was pretty sad that my cookies were so shabby. After all, if I can't even bake chocolate chip cookies, is there hope for me to ever become Holly Homemaker? 

That thought was reinforced again today, as I strove to clean up my seriously neglected house. Since I typically have to squeeze work in while Finn is napping, I am not able to attack housework during those times. Plus, trying to get it done with him awake is a challenge; therefore, it is easy to put it off. 

I am not sure what happened, but I did not get the same DNA strand that my mom and Kiki have to keep consistently clean homes. They are rock stars. Cleaning rock stars!

Speaking of rock stars - shout out to my favorite!

Since I did not get said clean gene, it always takes me awhile to gain my cleaning sea legs. On top of trying to occupy an 11 month old who only wants to play with whatever it is Mommy is using and not a corner of the house that didn't need attention, this morning definitely had hectic moments. 

What I learned? 

- Realize that if Finn is not getting enough attention, he will let me know

- Keep in mind that he is always more important than the task at hand and he does not deserve to be scolded for being curious in what I am doing

- Things can be attacked in greater intensity during 30 minute Baby Einstein break

- Baby cookies (i.e. not Mommy cookies) are a great distractor - for use in the high chair, while cleaning the kitchen

- Don't sit down. It is always easiest to keep moving. Newton had it right: an object in motion stays in motion unless something intervenes to bring it to rest. 

- A good reward for me on Fridays after a busy week is to get to sit down and blog

Happy weekend!

Bypassing August

Autumn and I, well, we've always kind of had a thing. 

We love each other, Autumn and I. 

She gives me colorful leaves, pumpkin patch excursions, hot apple cider, sweater weather, cool mornings and evenings with warm afternoons, crisp breezes, setting clocks back, hayrides.....

And me? What do I do for Autumn? I enjoy her. I bask in the bounty of her charms. 

But, every year there is one small problem that arises, one minuscule annoyance that must be overcome before I can annually bond with my Autumn. 

August.

I don't love August much. It is hot and humid. There are no fun holidays in August. August means the last sunshine-filled days of summer. The only thing that August brings is the impending doom of school starting back up again.

After taking a year off from pursuing my Masters, I am headed back to the classroom. It could be said that perhaps.......because of that.........that maybe August and I are a little bit more at odds than we have been in the past.

No, I don't like August much. Every year I try to ignore it but it just never seems to get the hint. It keeps coming back like the ants that keep marching into our house and refuse to drink the poison that we lay out for them. August sniffs defiantly at my poison.

So I give up. I cast a haughty glance its way and then I allow myself to partake in August's one amenity: back to school shopping. Fresh paper, new pens, a funky binder, an unmarked planner just begging to be covered.

I should leave it at that before I start thinking of the textbooks I have to buy.

Sigh.

Dumb old August.