At All Times

Sometimes I have trouble sleeping. I toss and turn, my mind jumps around, I envy those all over the world who are sleeping peacefully. There is usually no consistent reason for this trouble: sometimes I have things on my mind, sometimes I stress myself out, sometimes I just lay restfully and wait for the sleep to come.

Last night was such a night. I tried all of my usual tricks and nothing seemed to help me capture the sweet bliss of drifting off to dream. The longer I lay there, the more consumed my mind became with, "I have class tomorrow night and we have to counsel in front of the class and I am so nervous for that....and then what if I don't sleep well tomorrow night? What about my midterm next week? What if I am grumpy with Finn tomorrow?" And on and on and on.....

And honestly, this morning I am tempted to be frustrated. I am tempted to feel sorry for myself. I am tempted to question God, "Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!"

But then a wonderful reminder in my devotional this morning: "I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth...I sought the Lord, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears." Psalm 34:1, 4

YES! I will bless the Lord at all times! His praise will continually be in my mouth!

After all, isn't there always something to be grateful for? God is generous to us.

This morning at about 5:15 while I actually was sleeping, Finn woke up in the middle of a coughing and crying tornado. It was far too early for him to be awake awake, so I went into his bedroom, pulled him from his crib and brought him out to the couch to soothe him. We laid down, I rubbed his head, and we cuddled until he fell asleep. My active, curious, independent boy cuddled with me!!! It was its own kind of bliss, even if my sleep was spotty.

So this morning, as the temptation to be anxious about sleep or frustrated with my view of God's sleep-provisions to me..............I choose to give thanks that I got to cuddle with my boy for a wonderful hour. I choose to give thanks for the unused Starbucks gift card from Matt that I can utilize on my way to class for a caffeine boost. I choose to give thanks - in faith - that God will use the experience last night some how, at some time, for my good. That's His promise (Philippians 4:6-7) and I choose to stand on it. Can you feel the pep talk I am giving myself? :)

One of my favorite lines from one of my favorite songs ("How He Loves") says, "I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way that He loves."

That, to me, speaks of the vital necessity of filling my mind with the gifts of God, with speaking His praise and giving Him thanks................because really, if I am doing it as often as I should be doing it, I won't have any time to entertain any anxious thoughts about a lack of sleep.

Though troubles rise and I get frustrated and anxious, life is inherently good because God is inherently good and my life is for God.

May it always be so.............even at 3 a.m. on a light sleep night.