Today, the main thing on my mind is that in approximately one week I will be preparing to re-begin grad school. Granted, I am getting my feet wet slowly by taking only one class, but still.......it kinda sorta feels like a lot.
Sometimes, this feels like the masters degree that knows no end! It is crazy to think that I started this program in August 2007; before Finn, before my job, before Matt. I honestly had an entirely different life back then!
I had just moved back home to Sioux Falls after 2 years in Arkansas, working as a nanny, doing ministry with Chi Alpha, and spending most of my spare time with Kiki and her family. I remember at one point when I lived down there, Kiki was trying to teach Cort to ask her or Matt before he could do something. And he says, "Yep, I know! I ask you or Daddy or Goosey!" I felt honored :).
Cort and Goosey
Me and Laners
Since I have lived in Sioux Falls again, graduate school has been a fairly big part of my life. And at this point, there are only FOUR semesters for me to complete before I am finished.
Even so, there was a part of me that didn't want to go back. I didn't want to mess with Finn and my routine and honestly, I didn't want to be away from my boys for 5 1/2 hours every Tuesday evening. I admit, I can be selfish with my time!
But the thought of going back to class still gives me butterflies in my stomach; I know deep down that there is that part of me that loves school and desperately desires that degree. Thanks to the encouragement of my husband, back to class I go! And I am hoping it is not just because he wants his 'guy' nights back!
I remember when I first realized that I wanted to be a school counselor. I was working on homework and had on an episode of Seventh Heaven in the background as mindless noise. And the younger son on the show (Simon, to you die-hard fans), was talking to his dad about a problem he was having. I found myself wanting to give him advice - speak life and encouragement to him! And all of a sudden, I just knew. I knew that I wanted to be a counselor for kids. I immediately called my mom - who, by the way, is the best counselor I know - to discuss the possibilities with her.
At the time, I was in my final semester at North Central and was student teaching. I had two separate sections of student teaching. The first was in a small Christian school with 3rd graders. Those kids just oozed love and acceptance. They saved me spots at their lunch tables, handcrafted cards for me, and made it a habit of telling me that they thought I was wonderful. IT was wonderful.
But my second student teaching section was vastly different. It was at an inner city middle school with an extremely diverse population of kids. And man, did those kids make me work for it! For the first couple of weeks, I lived my life with a perpetual pit in my stomach because of how much they intimidated me. But slowly, as I showed genuine interest in their lives, they began to accept me. I had to seek them out because they weren't coming to me! So I spent lunch time playing basketball with the boys, I talked to the girls about my crush on Orlando Bloom, I went to their dances and baseball games.
All of this to say that middle schoolers are my absolute favorite age group. Not that I don't love the younger kids, but there is a certain investment value when the relationship costs blood, sweat, and tears! Therefore, middle schoolers are where my heart is, the ones I get excited to work with and counsel.
By the time I was student teaching, I knew enough about teaching to know that I did not want to be a teacher for the rest of my life. This is not the prime spot to find oneself in during the last semester of college! However, with my newfound passion for counseling, I figured that if I honed in on school counseling, then I could still use my undergraduate degree AND get to do something I love.
Being ever the planner that I am, I did not go directly into grad school but chose to move down to Arkansas for two years in order to build a savings to pay for my masters. Plus, there was probably a piece of me that wanted a teeny, tiny break from school.
As I am sitting here rehashing what a process this degree has been, I am able to look back with a peace and know that I am still doing what I am supposed to be doing. Somehow, amongst all the twists, turns and speed bumps on the road, I still feel like I am where I am meant to be. I still feel the inner drive to work with middle schoolers.
There are times when I look at how full my life is and can allow myself to get overwhelmed by it all. How am I supposed to be a full time stay at home mommy, a part time work from home employee, a part time graduate student, and a full time wife?
But I guess what I am realizing more and more is, why get overwhelmed when I can give thanks for the gifts He gives each day? Why get dragged down with complaining when I can rejoice in God and thereby be lifted up? Why dread the tasks of each day when I know that I can do ALL things through Him who gives me strength?
These are the kinds of things I need to think about when I feel my grad school motor slow down to a limp. I know that I have been equipped for this task. I want to be working with kids. I want to work for that investment. I want to be a blessing, because I have been so very blessed.
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