Kicking My Own Booty - Day Twenty-Three

I wrote this last Wednesday and had yet to post it:

Day Seventeen

This has not been the easiest week.

This past weekend Matt and I faced true temptation to stray far off of our diet plan. Taco John's was calling our names - simultaneously, if you can believe that - and we yearned to respond!

But we withheld. There have been other temptations; namely, for me, the candy aisles at Walmart/Target where I am so in the habit of "treating" myself.

On top of the increased pull of temptation, we have all been nursing colds this week. Perhaps that is why our defenses are down; we feel sick and thereby sorry for ourselves and in the past would have treated ourselves accordingly. I don't think I ever realized before just how often I ate to meet an emotional need: if I was down or crabby or feeling sorry for myself, I would turn to food to help me turn it around. What a shame that I missed all of those opportunities to bring those needs to God.

Anyway, being sick at night in our household looks something like this: Matt snores more and keeps me awake. I cough like a maniac and wake him up. Finn periodically wakes up as though he is missing the party. Needless to say, I have been lacking in sleep this past week. On top of that, I have been trying to squeeze in more hours at home for work as they need my help during a transition period.  On top of THAT, I have been making myself work out 2x/day - something cardio and Pilates.

So what I have had is this: More work + less sleep + annoying cough x self-imposed pressure to work out - comfort food = help!

Phew, okay, I feel as though this entry is so negative. Time for some positive news!!!

I tried on all of my old jeans today and they ALL fit! Granted, they still don't fit the way they used to, but I am getting there. And this is a huge milestone for someone who just a couple of months ago couldn't pull them up over her hips. Ug, that is embarrassing to admit. But there it is.

I share the good so it is only fair to share the bad as well!

Plus it is just 1 and a half more weeks until I get to go shopping! All those extra hours of work (and extra money) will come in mighty handy then :).
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Day Twenty-Three

Here I am, nearly a week later, and I can't say that I have fared much better this week than last. Granted, it has been a crazy - in every sense of the word - week. My dad passed away on Thursday, siblings came into town Friday, viewing on Friday, more siblings on Saturday, interment and memorial on Saturday, family time, family time, family time. I feel as though I have barely been home. I feel as though Finn's schedule is all out of whack. I feel emotionally drained. I feel exhausted.

And after the good news last week of being able to fit into my old pants, this week I am a little disappointed in myself.

Let's just say that where there is a funeral, there is food. For several days, I fought the urges and stayed pretty close to the diet laid out for us. But by Sunday I started to break. I had already made so many compromises with my diet, trying to stay as on track as possible with the meals that were being provided. But I slowly found that being firm with myself just was not working anymore. The importance of the diet lessened in the midst of everything else.

Yesterday I flat out rebelled and ate a piece of my mom's beloved BTS cake (as a chaser for lunch, no less).

One slice of BTS cake does not bring emotional healing. Trust me, I know.

While I have since gotten back up on the perennial horse..........I still am facing some disappointment with myself that I didn't make it the 4-6 weeks on the diet like I wanted to without cheating.

As much as I want to dust myself off and give myself grace, I am finding it hard to muster up the energy to do so.

So today I just do what I can do: I pick back up my diet. I rest when I can. And I pore into God's Word, because only there can I find the cure for my exhaustion that I am so desperate to grasp.