Practice Makes Perfect, yadda yadda yadda

"If the way you live isn't consistent with what you believe, then it's wrong" Romans 14:23

There are certain hopes that I have for my sweet Finners.

I want him to be kind. I want him to be generous in his love for others. I want him to not be selfish. I want him to trust and hope and dream and to know joy and peace fully and absolutely. I want him to love God more than anything else this life has to offer.

As I have been thinking about these things this past week, God has been revealing to me that the way Finn is most likely to grow in these things is to see them modeled by those he is closest to. Me. Matt. His grandmas, grandpas, cousins.

This was affirmed to me today when I read on BabyCenter.com: "Over the next few months, he may learn to assess and imitate moods and might show the first stirrings of empathy. For instance, if he hears someone crying, he may start crying too. And even though your baby's just beginning to learn about his emotions, he's picking things up from you. Over the many months (and years) to come, your child will likely copy the way he sees you treat people."

No pressure there :).

But on a serious note, there is a huge amount of responsibility I feel in teaching Finn how to treat others. And sometimes, it seems as though there couldn't be a worse person from whom to learn.

I have been selfish. I have gossiped and criticized. I have struggled, desperately at times, to learn how to love others the way that I know I should.

But recently, I have begun to study on the matter. And do you know what I have found?

1 John 3:18-21: "My dear children, let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love. This is the only way we'll know we're living truly, living in God's reality. It's also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves. And friends, once that's taken care of and we're no longer accusing or condemning ourselves, we're bold and free before God!"

Or as Nike advises: "Just Do It".

There are no more excuses like, "Well, I am just really grumpy today,"; "He cut me off! He deserved that nasty look I gave him!"; "They started it!".

There was a time about a month ago when I was at Target, and it could have been said that I was grumpy. Maybe just a little.

I found myself getting so easily annoyed with others and then instantly feeling guilty for it. Suddenly, I heard a voice in my head say, "Act the exact opposite of what you feel."

So when I felt like someone was in my way, I backed up so that they had even more room to maneuver. When someone took forever looking at what I wanted to look at, I smiled politely and came back to it once they were finished. When someone was speaking so loudly it felt like her voice was attached to the loud speaker, I changed my thoughts to, "I hope that she is having a really good conversation!"

At the end of that Target trip,  I didn't feel emotionally exhausted or annoyed anymore as I sometimes did in the past. I felt energized, and even more ready and eager to be kind to others that I encountered.

There have been several times since that Target trip that I have felt annoyance simmering beneath my surface and have reminded myself to act the opposite of what I feel. It is NOT always easy and sometimes means swallowing a healthy dose of pride and my idea of justice............but each time gets a little bit easier. "Work at getting along with each other and with God" (Hebrews 12:14).

Work?

I am still studying, but I think that means something like this:

If I  am annoyed, I can choose "Be patient with each person, attentive to individual needs. And be careful that when you get on each other's nerves you don't snap at each other. Look for the best in each other, and always do your best to bring it out." (1 Thessalonians 5:13-15)

If I feel taken advantage of, I can choose "Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand." (Philippians 2:2-6)

If I am jealous, I can choose "Let's just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or prideful comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren't." (Romans 12:6)

If I feel the desire to judge, I can choose "So let's agree to use all our energy in getting along with each other. Help others with encouraging words; don't drag them down by finding fault." (Romans 14:19-20)

If I get my feelings hurt, I can choose "Don't hit back; discover beauty in everyone. If you've got it in you, get along with everybody. Don't insist on getting even; that's not for you to do. 'I'll do the judging,' says God. 'I'll take care of it.'" (Romans 12:17-19)

We are so much more than our feelings. We are not prisoners to them.

There have been one too many times that I have read or underlined these scriptures in my Bible and then not put them into practice. "Don't fool yourself into thinking that you are a listener when you are anything but, letting the Word go in one ear and out the other. Act on what you hear! Those who hear and don't act are like those who glance in the mirror, walk away, and two minutes later have no idea who they are, what they look like." (James 1:22-24).

How is that at 29 years of age, I am just now realizing that following these principles is God's most major plan for my life? "But the point is not to just get by. We want to live well, but our foremost efforts should be to help others live well." (1 Corinthians 10:24)

The more I actively love others, the less I focus on myself. The less I focus on myself, the happier I am. Truly.

And now for my favorite: The Finn Analogy!!!  Bum-da-da-bum!
He has officially become a crawler. There are times when I can honestly see the motor in his brain turning and trying to figure out just how to get to where he wants to go.  It is easy to see that he knows where he wants to go, but he is just learning to possess the skills needed to get his body to immediately do what his brain wants!

Sometimes I watch him as he is straining to get to something....brain turning....knowing what he wants to do......and not quite able to do it. I cheer, I clap, I laugh - if I could will him to do it I would.

There are things that God is currently refining in me. I am learning to be less critical, more giving; I am learning to speak less and listen more; I am learning to indulge myself less and seek Him more; in general, He is teaching me to love others better.

But there are still situations when I biff it big time.

Like my Finnerooski, I am just beginning to learn how to love others the God wants me to. My brain can focus in on what I want to do but my actions don't always follow suit immediately.

Sometimes when I screw up I can be very hard on myself and dwell in the shame of failure, which is its own kind of indulgence. In the past I would have pictured God as being dreadfully ashamed of me and hiding His face. But James admits that it isn't always easy to get along with others: "You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, and treating each other with dignity and honor." (James 3:18)

So I too am learning to crawl. I am moving forward and not abiding in past mistakes but rather in a hopeful future. And I can almost sense God cheering, clapping and laughing as I figure things out by seeking Him.

What is the old adage? Practice makes perfect? I played kickball this past week and while I wasn't terrible.......I also wasn't great.

I used to be great....................in elementary school, when I last played.

But I suspect that the more I play kickball this summer, the better I will become.

Likewise, the more I practice loving others well and putting them first, the better I will become.

And since my little boy is watching and learning from me, I know that he won't observe me handling every situation perfectly all the time. But I do hope that he learns to treat others with love and kindness. I hope he learns that it is okay to mess up; it is good to receive grace.

Lastly, here is a spin on 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 that I love:

“I am patient with you because I love you and want to forgive you.
I am kind to you because I love you and want to help you.
I do not envy your possessions or your gifts because I love you
and want you to have the best.
I do not boast about my attainments because I love you and want to hear about yours.
I am not proud because I love you and want to esteem you before myself.
I am not rude because I love you and care about your feelings.
I am not self-seeking because I love you and want to meet your needs.
I am not easily angered by you because I love you and want to overlook your offenses.
I do not keep a record of your wrongs because I love you,
and ‘love covers a multitude of sins.’ “

(Jerry Bridges)
Action Statements based on 1 Corinthians 13:4-5
The Discipline of Grace, p. 39