For example: here - and here - and here. This is going to be one of those.
I wrote once about the delight that I took in my son. He was perfect, he was sweet, he was loving. At the time, I wondered if I would continue to feel that delight in Finn even once he got older and wasn't so easily..........lovable.
As he is delving deeper into that toddler stage and has begun to challenge me in numerous ways, the easy answer to my ponderation above is: yes. I still delight in him. More than I can say really. Although I do get frustrated more often than I did when he was an innocent baby, I actually find that despite that frustration, my delight in him grows every day. I think this is because he is developing more of his personality and I love every piece of it. Yes, even the tough spots. The tough spots just mean that there is some training that needs to be done because he doesn't know any better.
Sometimes, however, it isn't so easy to deal with my frustration or his limit testing. Sometimes my patience hits its ceiling. Sometimes my cool goes up like a puff of smoke.
I have found that when this happens, it only makes it worse for Finn. For example, if he is fussing and whining and crying and my tone of voice is gruff and harsh, it only makes him cry all the harder. This is heartbreaking to see - that I caused my son to cry harder because of my impatient reaction. It amazes me, but sometimes he can even tell that I am frustrated by the way I say, "Stop", or by the look on my face; sometimes these are all that are needed to multiply his tears.
However, when I am able to push past my frustration (easier said than done) and respond to him in love - with soft tones, soothing touches, and infinite patience for his woes - his response to me is beautiful. He calms, he rests, he ceases fighting.
As he was sitting in my lap today I was thinking of this and it hit me: when I act in a wrong way, a way that is prideful, selfish, angry, I sometimes use guilt as an umbrella which to hide under. When I do this, I picture God being angry with me, speaking in gruff, harsh tones to me, maybe even giving me little eye rolls as I try to correct my behavior: "Yeah, nice try, Gretchen. Let's see how long it is this time before you mess up again...tick, tock....".
My mind has tried to mold God to fit an image I have of myself as a parent. Why do I compare God to the worst parts of me when really, He is all of the best parts of me, except a bajillion times magnified? He's the only reason I am loving, or kind, or gracious at all. How small I have made God and how presumptuous to think that although I am able to control myself and offer grace and love to Finn when he is crying at me, that when God hears me crying He turns His face in impatience.
Where I am merciful, God is infinitely moreso. Where I am patient, God's patience knows no end. Where I offer love in the face of a cry, God offers love and healing and rest.
God knows the power that love has. He knows that it can disarm; it can soothe; it can replenish. That is why God always approaches us in love and with love. He knows it does more for our wounded hearts than scolding us ever could. "God told them, 'I've never quit loving you and never will. Expect love, love, and more love!'" Jeremiah 31:3 (MSG).
To be clear, I am not talking about flaunting open rebellion in God's face here. That kind of thing isn't handled in quite the same manner; He has other ways to deal with that bizness.
I am talking about well-intentioned screw ups. I am talking about trying our very best to do the right thing and still never getting it right. I am talking about humanness. Psalms 103:14 states, "For He Himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust." (NASB). When I was searching for this verse, I read through the entire psalm. It basically says what I am saying.....only better. David was almost as effective with a pen as he was with a sling - am I right or am I right? Eh? Eh? Or am I right?
"O my soul, bless God. From head to toe, I'll bless his holy name! O my soul, bless God, don't forget a single blessing!
He forgives your sins - every one
He heals your diseases - every one.
He redeems you from hell - saves your life!
He crowns you with love and mercy - a paradise crown.
He wraps you in goodness - beauty eternal.
He renews your youth - you're always young in his presence.
God makes everything come out right; He puts victims back on their feet.
He showed Moses how he went about his work, opened up his plans to all Israel.
God is sheer mercy and grace; not easily angered, he's rich in love.
He doesn't endlessly nag and scold, nor hold grudges forever.
He doesn't treat us as our sins deserve, nor pay us back in full for our wrongs.
As high as heaven is over the earth, so strong is his love to those who fear him.
And as far as sunrise is from sunset, he has separated us from our sins.
As parents feel for their children, God feels for those who fear him.
He knows us inside and out, keeps in mind that we're made of mud.
Men and women don't live very long; like wildflowers they spring up and blossom,
But a storm snuffs them out just as quickly, leaving nothing to show they were here.
God's love, though, is ever and always, eternally present to all who fear him.
Making everything right for them and their children as they follow his Covenant ways
and remember to do whatever he said.
God has set his throne in heaven; he rules over us all. He's the King!
So bless God, you angels, ready and able to fly at his bidding, quick to hear and do what he says.
Bless God, all you armies of angels, alert to respond to whatever he wills.
Bless God, all creatures, wherever you are-everthing and everyone made by God.
And you, O my soul, bless God!"
Psalm 103 (MSG)
He knows that we are human and fragile. In the face of endless screw-ups, He uses love and mercy that know no end. Because He is love and mercy and there is no end to Him.
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