Worst Case Scenario

I can be a bit dramatic. The way that this quality in me sometimes exerts itself is when I jump to worst case scenario thinking. Hence, a lot of the issues I have had in my life dealing with anxiety. I don't think that worst case scenario thinking is wrong, necessarily. Like all things, when surrendered I believe that God can turn it around for good. But surrendering it is the key thing here. God can reveal a lot when our worst case scenarios belong to Him.

Throughout my life, the thing that I have probably been the most anxious about for the largest part of my life would be financial stability. Blame it on my circumstances growing up or whatever, I have an issue with money. I feel most secure when I am working full time and know that my income coming in is more than sufficient to meet the pile of bills on my table. In other words, I feel most secure in my financial situation when I am in complete control. I don't worry when there is nothing to worry about - pretty big of me, eh?

Once we had Finn, Matt and I both felt led that I should stay home - most of the time - with Finn. There were many reasons for this that I won't get into right now....but I am so thankful every day that I get to spend the day with Finn. I am living my dream.

Dreams can come at a cost, however, and in this instance my dream came at the cost of my peace of mind, financially speaking. I knew that staying home is what God wanted me to do, so why was I struggling with anxiety? What was I missing? All of a sudden I wasn't in control of my financial stability anymore and it was causing me to fret the days away - days I should have been basking in my ever-changing son.

One day as I was praying about this, I remembered something that I had done in the past to help with anxiety: writing down exactly what I was anxious about, including what would be the worst case scenario and what would be the best case scenario. I learned in my counseling classes that writing things like that down help to get the circling thoughts out of the mind and can bring mental relief.

So I went in search of those papers. I found 3 of them from about a year ago tucked inside last year's planner. I read over them....each written in intricate detail about the things that were troubling me at the time. And you know what I discovered? For one of them my prayers had been answered - the best case scenario had occurred. For one of them, my prayers had not been answered - well, not exactly anyway. God had exceeded my prayers and had given me more than I had thought to ask for. And the last one - well, that one God just decided to go ahead and get rid of for me. That dilemma completely ceased to exist.

How amazing!! What a testament to God's faithfulness! I still get excited as I think about those answered prayers. More than anything, I am amazed at how easily I had forgotten those responses from God and had to see them written down in order to remember. How tragic.

After professing renewed hope, I decided to try the same exercise with my current concern. I wrote down the details of what was causing me anxiety. I wrote what the worst case scenario would be. I wrote what the best case scenario would be. And then I tucked it away with its predecessors and can honestly say that I haven't felt anxious since.

And you know what? I have every reason to believe that as I keep seeking God and His will for my life, that this time next year I will be able to pull out that sheet of paper and give thanks for the answered prayer upon it.

"Its impossible to please God apart from faith. And why? Because anyone who wants to approach God must believe both that He exists and that He cares enough to respond to those who seek Him" (Hebrews 11:6, Message)